Is my best friend asexual? Or a lesbian?

Question

My best (female) friend is 23-years-old. She's still a virgin and has never had a boyfriend. She is slim, good looking, has cute face, stylish clothes, she is really intelligent and also interesting.

She says she never wants to have a boyfriend and she wants to stay a virgin. It's not because of her faith, she's an atheist.

When we go out together then she hates when guys come to talk to us. She also thinks that I talk too much about my boyfriend. Sometimes when we are a bit drunk, she started to kiss me on my cheeks and also a couple of times on my lips.

She calls herself 'pansexual' to show that she's a feminist and doesn't care about people's sex's. When I've brought out the topic about trying to find someone for her, she gets so angry and stops the conversation. Still, she was eager to find a bf for me when I was still looking.

And ideas about what to do with her and how to help her?

Answer 1

Yep, sounds like she's a Lesbian alright. Don't "do" anything with her. She's let you know that unless she's tipsy (which is not a good time to make decisions that might totally change an important friendship) she's not ready to explore her sexuality with you, a male, a female, or anyone else. This is a right she has and she will have to do what her own inner voice tells her what to do, it's not something you can do for her. Many successful women have gone their entire lives without male or female lovers and they weren't nuns either---Jane Austin (movie version of her life was not very truthful), The Bronte's and many others who don't live in other Centuries come to mind. You do not need to "help" her because she's not in trouble. It's not the end of the world if she chooses a life of celibacy and it's not your place to push her any other way but just respect her decision and be there for her as a friend throughout her life without worrying about it at all. It's nothing to worry about.

Answer 2

Hi,
humans are not really asexual.Asexuality is in a lower type of lifeform such as an amoeba.If a lady chooses to remain a virgin till she gets married, she is to be commended as it is a sign of good moral values.
It is for this reason that she may not want to get into a relatioinship that would compromise her decision..
waht is questionable then is the issue of kisses..
Well, she cannot preserve her virginity if she engages in Lesbian acts....
Being a feminist doesn't mean you don't care about people 's sexes..It's about projecting a woman's virtue and standing ffor her rights...Your friend needss to sort her identity problem out.
There is nothing like a wonderful,pure and natural relationship which is between people of opposite sex.

Answer 3

Agree with DF except for the counselling bit - she may take offence to this. She is your friend. Friends listen and allow the other person to be themselves and love them unconditionally. This is what you need to do. It is true she may have problems sexually but this is for her to sort out. If she asks for help your role then is to listen and maybe ask her if she has ever thought of counselling. This puts the ball in her court and allows her to think it is her decision if she chooses counselling. My opinion is that she probably is lesbian but who am I to judge. She may not really know what she wants yet. However, hating it when guys come over and getting angry with you suggest to me that a) she does have some issues she needs help with (no matter what her sexual orientation is) and b) at this stage she does not want your interference in this matter. Just be a friend and try not to force anyone onto her. One last word of advice: Tell her gently but firmly you do not like it if she tries to kiss you again. (unless you want her), otherwise this is just confusing her and could lead to an unwanted, unfriendly confrontation.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like she doesn't need help.

You already know what she is, too, Pansexual! Why are you asking if she is a lesbian or asexual when you already know? It's disrespectful to your friend to just ignore her sexuality like that.

She will find someone herself if she wants to. I wouldn't think twice about the kissing, I have done the same thing to my best friend when I was drunk lol xD. Lucky my boyfriend didn't mind.

I think the only thing she needs help with is dealing with men when they talk to you, it isn't fair for her to just hate them with no reason, but still, there is nothing wrong with her sexuality.

Answer 5

I think she's a lesbian trying to battle and hide her true feelings for you. Why? When people are drunk, some of their true feelings show up.I've been drunk once but I have a sense not to kiss a girl.She hates it when guys talk to you-- Real women feel excited about this.She seems jealous when you talk about your boyfriend.She gets angry when you want to find someone for her. Why? Because the person she likes doesn't care if she does find someone, meaning her feelings for you is not reciprocated.Her eagerness to find a BF for you was a coverup for her true feelings for you.

Hope this helps.

Answer 6

I think next time the two of your are out and things start to heat up between the two of you (kissing, etc.) try and take it farther.. see how intimate you can get her to be with you. invite her home with you and show her what sex is all about.. break out the candles and massage oil and make her feel good.. Maybe she's just so scared of the idea of sex that she's gone to the limits of who she thinks she is or does or doesn't do.. I hate to say it but when she is drunk go ahead and take advantage of her and see what her reaction is when all is done. Maybe she just needs a wake up call..

Answer 7

AS SHE ASKED FOR HELP? SOUNDS LIKE SHE LIKES YOU . WHY HAVEN'T YOU ASKED HER ABOUT HER MOVES ON YOU? IF SHE IS CONTENT WITH HER SEXUALITY, WHY DOES IT BOTHER YOU??? LOOK, IF YOU CAN'T HANDEL HOW SHE ACTS THEN GET A NEW BEST FRIEND YOU CAN HANG OUT WITH WHEN YOU GO OUT. IF SHE'S REALLY YOUR FRIEND THEN THE TWO OF YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO TALK AND YOU CAN TELL HER YOUR REAL FEELINGS AND COME TO AN CONCLUSION. BUT JUST BECAUSE SOME ONE DOESN'T ACT LIKE YOU DOESN'T MEAN SOMETHINGS WRONG, SHE MAY NOT BE READY FOR THE SAME THINGS YOU ARE. GOOD LUCK. REMEMBER A TRUE FRIEND IS HARD TO FIND, AND A GIFT TO HAVE.

Answer 8

if you are really her friend, stop treating her like she has a problem. she doesn't sound broken, so stop trying to fix her. if she is satisfied w/her lifestyle and lack of outward sexual orientation, let her be.

she may be the victim of sexual abuse or some other related childhood trauma. that would definitely explain the exhibition of anger. if that seems to be your observation, you may want to encourage her to seek some counseling. don't harass her though. that won't do any good at all.

most important of all, listen to her. that is what real friends do...

Answer 9

well she sounds like she doesnt need any help to me, confident in what she does and doesnt want out of life! maybe she has jus kissed you for other reasons than lust?! I love being single, for no other reason than that (no I dont have a face like a dog lol) not everyone in the world thinks with the brain between their legs! :)

Answer 10

If she's truly honest about what she doesn't want, don't try to force it on her.

If she officially "comes out," be supportive.

If she eventually confides in you that she wants a special person in her life, then you can go about helping her with that. But at this point, she's told you that she needs no help. Don't try to force your standards onto her.