LDS Ladies, What do you think of a man (of 53) who is trying to decide whether or not to leave the Church?

Question

Specifically because I feel I cannot live up to Church standards. Specifically, being a "Menance to Society" by being a single male. I have been a member since 12. I am not an RM at the time most young men are normally doing that I was serving my country as an Officer in our Armed Forces. I have been married and divorced twice and though I have no biological children adopted my 2nd wifes daughter the week before I married her mother.
I don't see another marriage or even romance in my future. I have never been a "Ladies Man", I have been left for abusive men, men being released from jail and once even for a woman.

Due to panic disorder I no longer drive and the nearest ward or branch is 40 miles away. I can't get to activities and stay pretty much at home.

Ladies can find husbands during the Millienium but I have never found a scripture which says the same about men. Some have expressed opionion it must be true but I have never found a scriptural reference to it.

Opinions pleas

Answer 1

Re-examine your testimony. I presume you hold the Priesthood. Your home is the basic unit of the Church. Even if circumstances do not permit you to attend regularly, you can have Spirit fill your home.

Ask for a home teacher. Ask for a visit from the Bishop or President. You are entitled to their counsel. They can give you practical advise to fit your needs.

Answer 2

I understand the "Menance to Society" thought, but I disagree with it. I too am single, and have thought several times that I will just be eternally single. Several of my single friends feel this too, on occasion. My thought to you is, who are we single Sisters supposed to marry on the other side if you and others in your predicament leave the church? Stick around. There are several sites that you can use to sort of have your own scriptural time on Sunday.
Also, are there other members in your town/city? I lived in a Branch where our boundries were quite large and took one family an hour to get to church, and another family an hour and a half. I don't know the particulars about your panic disorder, but perhaps it's possible for you to ride in a car without driving? If so, maybe someone could come get you. If that isn't an option, could your Home Teachers come by and give you the sacrament when they home teach you? And maybe you could write out your testimony and send it through them to be read in fast and testimony meeting. There are ways to stay active if you still believe and have a testimony. I'm sure there are people in your Branch/Ward that also have Internet access. Maybe you can correspond with them via email to help keep your spirits up and your testimony strong. Don't give up. Call your Bishop or Branch President and talk to him about it.
And remember that times have changed somewhat and Brigham Young's "if you're over 30" statement to men was a comment of his own, not of the Lord's. At the time the church had MANY Sisters who needed a husband because at the time women didn't have the rights we now have and it was thought that we were too genteel to do things on our own.
I've not looked, but you might search the conference editions of the Ensign to see if something is mentioned about men finding a wife in the Millienium.

Answer 3

No-one can live up to church standards. That's why we're here and not on some other realm learning other things....Completely understand about the whole 'menace to society' thing. Am single mom of three myself - never enough money, and never getting anything right in the eyes of my married friends. That's ok. I'm glad they haven't got more to worry about than me! My ex actually left me for an 'older woman' (not younger - double ouch!) with some real mental issues. Of course that gave them common ground......(jk). I too, fully expect to serve out my time on this earth alone.

Some of us get called on a two year mission, and others of us serve in other ways - neither is more improtant than the other. I suffer from migraine headaches on a daily basis. I spend a lot of time sitting in the dark, don't go anywhere where there are more than just a few people if I can help it...needless to say, church is not usually an option for me either (at least not since I threw up on the Bishop's shoes trying to navigate through a crowd to the bathroom. I finally decided I was a bigger distraction than an asset.) But it's not about any of that - It's about your connection with God and the personal relationship you have with Him. It's not about whether or not you attend every week, or served a mission, or anything else. It's about being the best you can be in your own circumstances an feeling like you can stand in front of Him one day and say 'returning with honor'. You may decide to leave, and that would be, in my humble opinion, too bad. You may decide to stay, but in the end - we all die alone, no matter who else is there, and we all face Him with the accomplishments of this life in tow.

Answer 4

Sid b - I'm not sure how many of your other answerers were women, but the only thing that I can say is to follow your heart. I'm really sorry that you've had incidents in your past that have not turned out well, where it comes to women. My Uncle is close to 60 and still not married, never has been. I'm unaware of any scriptures either that teach about the brothers who didn't find someone in this life, but I know that God looks on the heart, and takes the intentions into any judgment He makes.

I would do as one of the other answerers said and contact your Bishop, he will be able to think of some way to help.

May all that you hope for come to pass. Always follow your heart, it will rarely lead you wrong. Just remember to pray as if everything depends on the Lord, and then work as if everything depends on you.

Answer 5

Ignore church standards! Everyone has a different timetable. What is the right time for someone else, is not the right one for you. Do what you feel is right for you at the time you feel is right and to heck with what other people think!

I know the feeling. I am 32 and have severe depression. It is hard to even get out of the house. I can't even be in a room if more then three other people are in it!

Perhaps someone could pick you up? If it is really bad, you can get the sacrament at home. I guess it really comes down to do you even want to go to church. If you do, you will find a way. If you don't, you can stay home.

I hope this was of help. Good luck in your quest!

Answer 6

I'm clearly not a lady

But I did grow up LDS

I too am not a RM and i feel i am better off, all my friends that are came back too Mormony. I am a non active member i do not plan on going back but i dont want my records pulled either.

If you still want the sacrment call the bishop of your ward and he should sent two priest your way at least every other Sunday. I do miss going and delivering the sacrment though. If you chose to do this you should also call your home teachers and get them to come out.

good luck and thanks for serving your country.

Answer 7

So, let me get this straight.........

You're thinking of abandoning your religious beliefs in the LDS faith, because of a lack of love life??????????

Dude, your priorities are totally messed up !

I joined the church when I was 21. I gave up a lot to join the church, including my family who would have nothing to do with me.

I was single for 10 years, living alone, with no LDS men interested in me, because I was a convert, and/or didn't have a strong family relationship despite that it was my family who would have nothing to do with me due to my faith.

The point is, .. as lonely as it was.. I went to church every Sunday for all 3 hours. I served in my callings. I told my boss I couldn't work on Sundays.. and kept the Sabbath holy that way. I made a point of attending institute.. despite there was hardly a program since where I lived there were hardly any LDS my age. (I was in South Florida.)

And you know, by the end of 8 years in the church.. I started to wonder if I'd ever marry.. or have children.. but even though I had that doubt.. I never even thought of leaving the church.

In the end, the Lord blessed me, and I married at 29, months before my 30th birthday, and the Lord just blessed us with our first child this past January. (I am currently 36).

My point is a few..

First you don't give up your religious beliefs due to lack of a love life.. that's not what it's about.

Second, you've been blessed to be married twice already.. and that does count for something.. and I think you should be grateful that you've had at least that.
So many of these single women that never marry but faithfully go and serve in the church.. they would be grateful to be married once.. and yet you've been married twice, and because it didn't work out either time.. what.. you're going to give up? blame God? and give up your faith?

You're 53, grow up already !

To me, the problem you're having is YOU. You are only thinking about YOU.. and what you want, and what you can get. Put YOU aside for a while.. concnetrate on serving faithfully in the church, attending your meetings, paying tithe, keeping the word of wisdom.. and in time.. if it's meant to be, the Lord will bless you for your faithfulness. D&C 132 vs 5

As for your panic disorder.. look into medications.. find someone nearby to drive with you.. see if someone once a month can bring sacrament to you.. but the point is.. don't let your Panic Attacks hold you back. The devil works in many ways.. don't let him win this easily. Helaman 5:12

There are many single LDS women, that if you get yourself right would be happy and grateful to have a temple worthy man as a husband, and there is no reason you can't be that person. There are many more temple worthy women in the church then men right now.. so are you going to be just another man that gives up and throws in the towel?? 2Timothy 1:7

Let me leave you with a few good scriptures..

2Timothy 1:7
7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.


D&C 132 vs 5
5 For all who will have a ablessing at my hands shall abide the law which was appointed for that blessing, and the conditions thereof, as were instituted from before the foundation of the world.

Helaman 5:12
12 And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the arock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your bfoundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty cstorm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.

Answer 8

If someone called you a "menace to society" they don't get any gummy bears from me. They should also be reprimanded for being judgmental.
Your job is to find out what God's will is for you, and then do it. There are plenty of singles websites for LDS members so you can still shop around for some nice lady friends. Panic disorder can be treated little by little. In my opinion, there is someone for everyone so don't give up hope, and don't give up your faith. Not ever.

Answer 9

Since I am ex-mormon, I would tell you to leave, but I can't just do that because I think it is a cult, it may not be your opinion, you have to find your path for yourself, riight now your a jackmormon. I would suggest finding a christian church in your area, one that you feel confortable in and see if this brings you joy, whatever brings you joy then that is were you should stay. I found no joy in the mormon church...for a restored church that was to bring the restored gospel, I was depressed all the time, I finally stopped being suicidal after I got saved and this was after being wicca, and a bout with atheism, but as I said you must find your own path, so check out the local chruches in your area and find one that makes you happy, if none of them do, then go back to the mormon church and see if you can rededicate your life to mormonism, if you are still not happy, then you still have not found the right church or your right path with God, keep looking until you find it. PS. each church should have a singles program during the week and you should be able to find a lady in your area, but I would recommend becoming a member of that church before you start dating. Get right with God and then God will find you a mate.

Answer 10

I wouldn't worry so much about being "good enough" for the Church... in my opinion, you should leave it because it's simply not true.

I am not calling it satanic, diabolical, or any other less-than-affectionate adjective. I'm saying that it simply isn't more or less true than any other religion. Joseph Smith's story didn't happen like we hear it today. His original version of the story is far different than the one we know today. He originally didn't claim to have seen God and Christ, and wrote that he was the "author" (not "translator") of the Book of Mormon.

When Brigham Young brought the saints into Utah, a theocratic government was set up, and a lot of things changed. Later, the 1838 version of Smith's story (now JS - History) was adopted as the "official version" despite most members' contempt for its contents.

I would simply tell you to leave the church, find something else to base your life on, and live for yourself, instead of some arbitrary rules decided on by 15 men whose values are based on 1950s-70s Utah culture.

I have accepted that the Church is false, and my life has been loads happier than it ever was before. I no longer have to worry if I'm as good as the other members in my ward. I live for me, concentrate on my career, and am finding emotional fulfillment with my wife and daughter, irrespective of our religious difference of opinion.

Sid, you have the chance to just start off fresh with a clean slate. If you would like to discuss the possibility and ramifications of doing so, I would be happy to chat/e-mail with you. My address is:

[e-mail]

feel free to contact me, and may you find happiness.

Cheers,
Will