my ex left with baby when she was 2 now after 11 years ive found her she live 3000 miles away i want to do something for her ie get her a gift but when i ask her what she wants or needs i feel like shes blowing me off ie iask her if she needs a new bike or laptop she says i have a bike and would probably just break a laptop what do i do im planing to go see her but i dont know if she even wants this .i worked hard to find her and never gave up but i think she might feel some resentment or maybe she blames me but it was her mom that took her away i cried daily for over a year after she left .now i cry daily cause i found her(tears of joy) but i wonder if she feels the same weve only talked through emails she says she hasnt got the guts to talk to me yet what do i do ......confussed
2007-11-11 21:40:58 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Wow, you've really had it rough..... Hang in there, will you?
Are you & your ex on good terms?
If you could break the ice with her, she would be the key to pave the way to a good, strong relationship with your baby.
If shes not ready or willing, for whatever the reason, I suggest you don't push it with her but find someone else...a Priest, a confidante, a mutual family friend, a relative, that could be a bridge to tide you two over the years you've spent apart.
I'd gift your child photographs of the time spent apart...anything significant about your life that she's like to share with you...a nice letter (not too heavy...shes still a baby!) letting her know how much you love her, always loved her and will always love her. Let her know you'll always be there for her & most importantly let her know you're ready to give her time to get to know you well. Don't push her away by being too impatient.
What about gifting her a book? What about "The Secret Garden"...Its lovely for little girls & would teach her to be strong & cherish family ties.
Will pray for you.
All the very best.
2007-11-11 21:53:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alright well I'm 21 and never had that happen to me, but my good friend's girl friend just found her real Father. Yea she wasn't sure how things were "supposed to work" either. But depending on how old she is(she is 13 right) this may or may not be the best way to go. My friends girlfreind is 21 also, i think, and she was really excited and confused about the whole thing. So I would say just keep it casual and let her know your excited untill you can see her. Then take her out to lunch or something and hammer out all the details, thats what she did and I know she is glad she knows the truth now.
2007-11-11 21:51:09 · answer #2 · answered by David H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She will not feel the same way as you do. She never really knew you. Now all of a sudden you pop in her life, and she is 13 and preoccupied with friends and her current parents. At that age kids do not appreciate the feelings that you have. You are just another adult. Also, her current parents may not encourage her to get to know you. My wife is in the same situation as you are, it takes YEARS for them to come around, one of hers is not warming up to her. Theres nothing you can do but let her know that you are there and love her. But unfortunately, she will warm up to you when she figures out that she can use you for something, or needs money, ect.
2007-11-11 21:47:51 · answer #3 · answered by David S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Buy her a small charm bracelet or necklace with an engraving saying "I have always loved you and always will. Love, Dad" Something real for her to touch and feel when she thinks of you. Keep up the interaction between the two of you & try to advance it to phone calls & eventually in person. Just try to progress instead of regress the relationship.
2007-11-11 21:49:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave getting anything til you meet her i met my dad again after 20 years and the first few times although slightly stilted paved the way to a now brilliant relationship it will be very hard for you both but the worst thing you could do is push let it happen at a slow natural pace for you both
2007-11-11 21:45:30 · answer #5 · answered by Norrie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be patient, and let her warm up to you slowly. Eplain how you are feeling. She needs to know that you have always loved her, even when you did not know where she was. Her mother may have told her stories that are making her react this way. Patience is the only way to restore the relationship.
2007-11-11 21:46:12 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
shes probably scared and doesnt quite know how to handle the situation...give it time, dont force it. take it slow, im sure shell come around.
2007-11-11 21:45:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋