I am 21! Recently my fellas mum left and moved 100 miles away to live with a fella she met through a dating agency! When she left, she left her 13 yr old behind leaving it up to us to care for her! We moved in with her and her older brother (25) as he could not cope financially and looking after her! Since moving in I have not seen my family and I am constantly feeling really down! I am always tired, my mouths full of ulcers, my skin has all dried up on my face! But the thing is that I feel guilty for it because I know I am not the only one going through a hard time! As I am sure you can imagine living with a 13 yr old, that you dont really know it really hard! Her mood changes really quick and she can be quite nasty! Ive heard her saying things behind my back! I just dont know what to do! I do everything I can to try and make up for her mum deserting her but its just thrown back in my face! I am just at breaking point! I know my blood pressure is high as I can feel it! What do I do?
2007-11-11 20:11:14 · 17 answers · asked by emzy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have spoken to her mother and she has said that she is not giving up her new life for anyone!
I feel at an all time low! Is it pointless to go to the doctors?
2007-11-11 20:19:23 · update #1
As the others have all said, this is not your problem. If it was your own little sister I would see how you would feel responsible. However, this mother has committed a criminal offence by leaving a minor. You must contact the police who will trace and bring her back, then leave it up to social services. Then leave and get on with your own life. Whilst I appreciate that this 13 year old is feeling totally rejected by her own mother, being nasty to you is not acceptable. She should appreciate that you have moved in to help her! If you hadn't then the 25 year old brother would have been left to look after her - what was the worse that could have happened? He would have struggled and eventually would have had to call in social services to help him. This mother is taking you for a complete 'patsy' and will continue to do so as long as you are willing to put up with it. You don't mention what your fella and the older brother think about all of this - or are they just happy that a female has moved to take the place of the mother? They both know it's wrong so why are they not doing anything about it. Why is it falling only on your shoulders? You know what you have to do - do it now!!
2007-11-12 12:06:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a situation! To be honest, this really seems like your fella's mother is the one that has caused this. Sure, she could be in love - but deserting her children is just wrong. She made that child - she should of taken her with her. Leaving you with the problem - is not right. I suggest you get her to explain why! She should of taken more responsibility. I suggest you visit your family and take a break from the atmosphere you are in.
As for the thirteen year old, just gently try to understand her. All children go through stages. I remember I did. She is probably still bewildered that her mother has left her.
Go home, see your family, put your feet to rest for a few days and then think through it all and go back and try and talk things over. Maybe you should let her know how she is making you feel and just tell her - that you were only having empathy and trying to understand her.
2007-11-12 04:17:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can only do your best and it sounds like you are trying to do that. However the stress is making you feel ill and your boyfriend and his brother could help you with that. The pharmacy can help, but if things don't improve a visit to the doctor wouldn't do any harm.
The main thing is to get it straight in your head, that the mother is the one responsible for her 13 yr old child, she is acting in a very selfish manner as she has dumped all responsibility.
The 13 yr old is bound to be feeling neglected (how would you be if your mum had done this to you). Most teenagers at some time can be hard to handle, but they are only practising at being grown up.
All you can do is be there for her and do what you think is right, she will appreciate in time what you have done for her, but you will probably not get much gratitude yet.
Look after your health, try not to worry too much. You should not be taking on this burden solely on your shoulders. If you are in a good state of mind you will be able to cope better.
2007-11-12 07:30:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a bad situation and I agree with everyone that says you need to get away for some rest.
You fell in love with someone who has this situation in his life, but having done so you didn't sign up for crucifying yourself in the process.
You have a place in this situation too, you can't beat yourself up and take it all on your shoulders. The child is 13 with two brothers, there is no reason on earth that you have to be there 24 / 7 and if your boyfriend sees that that is crucial to your relationship he is very very wrong.
Whatever the situation, he should put some time and care into your wellbeing equally if not more than what is going on.
Yes this childs mother shouldn't be dumping her kid, but you need to get it in perspective, she has a home, she is still fed and cared for, that is the end of it.
You'll not be any better off for making yourself ill, or being taken for granted. Let them cope on their own for a while and enjoy your youth, It's very precious and no-one has the right to take it away from you but yourself.
Good Luck
2007-11-12 08:04:21 · answer #4 · answered by JOHN M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not have to raise a 13 year old child at the age of 21. I would suggest that you get in touch with the mother, and tell her that her child needs her, and that she needs to get back right away. If her brother wants to care for the child, that is up to him, but don't feel guilty if you can not deal with the situation. What a low down trick! I can't believe that a mother would do such a thing. Someone should report her for abandoning her child!!
2007-11-12 04:18:25 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U need to talk to ur boyfriend tell him how ur feeling....it's a big thing you've done but u also need some time for yourself....go home and see ur family and remember ur allowed to try not to feel guilty it's not like ur leaving them for good.unless u want to...finacially one of u needs to contact the child benefit centre because i bet the mom's still claiming that but u are entitled to claim child benefit for the 13 yr old, also once that's sorted whoever has got it in teir name can then see if they can get some benefits like family tax credit etc, speak to inland revenue and also as soon as u get child benefit paid then whether it u or ur fella or his brother u can claim child support of both the 13year ols mother and father....which u should......however the mother needs to be spoken to as some people shouldn't be allowed to have children.....as for the 13 year old maybe she feels that her mum left cuz of her so feels terrible, try and talk to er or just let her no ur there to be here friend and u want judge her so if she wants to talk to u in confidence she can......... good luck but remember u have to have a life to x x
2007-11-12 09:02:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to me, I'm a mother of 4 boys and I'm tlling you your'e way too young to have that responsibility!! for a long time. Ring her mother and tell her that if she doesn't take responsibility (give a time period of say 3 months) then you have to call in social services because believe me things will only get worse and you will suffer as a result and probably end up not having kids of your own in the long run.
2007-11-12 09:46:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you really ought to phone social services!!! that is really awful that a woman can just desert her child like that!
when i say you should get in touch with social services i dont mean have the little girl taken into care, although that is an option, but you will be able to get help from them and perhaps financial help, but really it needs to be registered with them so that if this woman has another child they keep an eye on her!
also i strongly suggest you talk to your boyfriend about this tell him how it is affecting you! he needs to know this, dont be miserable in silence and on your own, tell him, then yell him that you are taking a weekend off and you are going home to see your mum and family. non-optional on his part, you need to see them.
good luck lovey!
God Bless
2007-11-12 04:23:11 · answer #8 · answered by dom c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this really not your responsibiity!your health is at risk,go to your doctor and deal with your health problems first! the child is young and is obviously missing her mother who is a very selfish person!your boyfriend and his brother should deal with this not you!you cant make up for what her mother has done and really the girl cant help how she feels ,have you tried explaining to her that you arnt trying to take her mothers place but just being there for her if she needs you?
2007-11-12 09:47:38 · answer #9 · answered by DENISE D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's probs the worst age for her to come to terms with all that's going on.......poor her and you! Give her space and time, you just have to be there for her. Cant your boyfriend help more? You have to have some time to yourself as well even if its just a hour to read or do something you enjoy! I think she will come round shes just all over the place and feeling insecure too!
2007-11-12 04:21:16 · answer #10 · answered by ................ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋