How do I make my sister realize I'm an adult, and deserve some respect?

Question

I'm 26 yrs old, and my sister is 38. I live with her, and her two kids, becuase she is going through a divorce and needs some help. I pay her rent every month, I pay my bills, I have a full time job, and I help take care of her children. I have had money problems in the past, but that is WAY behind me, so why does she insist on treating me like I'm 10? I am also gay, and I have a girlfriend. She doesn't want her kids to know, so my gf and I behave appropriately, no hand holding, no kissing.....and she STILL feels the need to remind me repeatedly that we have to behave around the kids...like I could forget....I feel like she won't let me be myself, and since I live in her house, I better do it, and listen to her....or else...does that sound fair to you? cuz to me....it sucks....and my gf isn't too happy about it either :'(

Answer 1

Then there is only one solution. Get your own place and get out from under her and her rules and regulations. What is she going to do if you don't "better listen to her or else" ? Is that a threat like she is going to throw you out? Doubt it. Be the best thing for you if she did. Who's she kidding? She's got a sweet deal going on here and she needs you a heck of a lot more than you need her. If you want respect then demand some for yourself. With all the hiding and keeping things in control, so as not to disturb her and her kids, you are acting the part of a ten year old. Sure she's going through a divorce but that isn't your fault. She's grasping at straws and trying to take it out on you just because she views you as her younger sibling. Sure you feel the need to help her and your doing all you can. But there are many other people out there who go through divorce and they make out just fine on far less than what she has. How much longer is she going to need your help anyway? You are paying her way and helping with her kids along with holding a job and paying your bills as well. And trying to have a life of your own too. Quite a hefty load to be carrying. You seem pretty mature so who really is the adult here? Hope you don't think it's her just because it's her house! Her need to control you is the reason why she lords this over you and why she constantly has to remind you to watch your P's and Q's. She is sadly insecure and knows deep down that her options are few and far between.
So if you can't work something out, and before you totally explode where this comes to blows give her ample notice and take your over due leave. This may be the only answer, as difficult as it may be for you-and her. You have a right to your life but you'll never have it so long as your under her roof and her subsequent demands, which you've done your best to abide by. So when you've decided that you've had enough, make the decision and stick to it. You'll be happy and so will your s.o. It may be the only way for your sister to wake up and start acting like an adult too.

Answer 2

Although, you are clearly a person striving to be thoughtful, kind and considerate.

Sounds to me you need to find a place to live with your girl friend.

Your sister has too many troubles at this time to cope with; and going through divorce, is often extremely difficult to cope with, at best of times.

The mature thing would be to show her respect. Having children is a very big responsibility.

Even grown up people that are not gay, do not behave in a manner that most parents would not feel suitable in front of their children.

PS Not saying that you wish to do so.

But rather than seek to be consoled console others. It will make you far happier person. And remember a cheerful look can bring joy to the heart.

Answer 3

You must be doing something that upsets your sister. If you don't know what it is, ask her. After all it is her house, so she is within her rights to expect certain behaviour in front of her children. She would not be a good mother if she didn't. Regardless of what your sexuality is, you are sisters, so you should be able to talk to each other and sort this one out between you. Put yourself into her shoes, what would you do if you were the one with the kids and she was like you, how would you feel or behave, where your kids were concerned.

Answer 4

whoa. Well, it sounds like its a 'do it my way or no way' thing for your sister. Your helpin her out so much. Paying her rent, looking after her kids, and making ends meet in ur own life, and she cant even support your sexual choice? hmmm
You dont even know how long you are going to be there to help her out and it sounds like it wont be 4 long if she continues to dampen your spirits like this.
You doing her a favor. I know divorce is tough. Ive been there, but a person has to give a little to get a little. She isnt giving in and you need to continue living with your life too.
If I were you and I couldnt be affectionate with the woman I love, I'd find it hard to continue living this way. I might tell my sister that I love her and I will continue to be there for her and the kids, but just not in the same house anymore.
My mom is divorced with 3 kids and not once has anyone moved in to help her. You can help w/o living there.
Think about u first.

Answer 5

Obviously, she isn't going to recognize that you're an adult. For what it's worth, I'm older than you and have two older sisters who still view me as the kid sister. I decided years ago to ignore it.

Try to sit down with her, tell her how you feel, and lovingly explain that if she can't curb the big-sisterly urge to treat you disrespectfully, you'll have no choice but to move out. Maybe you would find it easier to write her a letter. Just don't let her act as if she never saw it!

Then, if you two can find a peaceful place between you, move out. Lovingly, regretfully, do what is best for you.

Remember, you are doing her a huge favor, living there, sharing the financial load, helping with the children, putting your own life on hold. Don't let your love for her and her children destroy your separate life. You and your companion have a relationship that transcends your sisters temporary crisis; don't let it be destroyed by your attempts to be a good sister.

By the way, if you are paying rent, it isn't HER house. You are paying for the peaceful enjoyment of your living arrangement there.

I hate to see you stuck in the middle like this. As a middle sibling and youngest daughter, I totally empathize with how difficult it can be for siblings to outgrow their childhood roles. Your own inability to stand up to your sister is as much an echo of childhood as is her disrespect.

Answer 6

you should tel your mom and father because of the fact i've got been given pregnant whilst i replaced into 18 and that i ddint tellmy mom and father till i replaced into 6 months long gone yet as i replaced into exhibiting they requested me if i replaced into pregnant and that they hit the roof lol so which you should tell ehr to tell your mom and father they're going to hit the roof yet after the track is over then they are going to be fairly supportive, check together with her approximately whaty she desires to do with the toddler eg adoption do not communicate her or enable her into an abortion because it is homicide. if she maintains ti shop on then she will ought to be below the care of a midwife, i think of you should tell your mom and father even whilst they hit the roof they're going to say countless hurtful issues yet they're going to quickly quiet down my mom and father have been extra excited than i replaced into in the tip . good success with regardless of you do.

Answer 7

Have you tried talking to your sister and saying what you wrote? It is very kind of you to help your sister out, but since it's her house you probably have to respect her wishes, as ignorant and un-sisterly as they are. Maybe you need to move out and live with your girlfriend. You're doing your sister a favor but if she's going to be homophobic I'd tell her you're leaving if you can't be yourself.

Answer 8

Time for you to move. If you can not respect her rules, then you should get a place of your own. I am not saying that her opinion is right, but it is her home and her rules should be respected.

If it were your home, you would expect the same from anyone else living with you.

Answer 9

Perhaps what you need to do is move out and find your own place.

Truthfully, although you probably care very dearly about your sister's kids...she should be primarily responsible for taking care of them, not you.

Answer 10

Respect is earned, not deserved. Respect is given freely, not owed.

If she isn't showing you the respect you think you've earned, then maybe it's time for you to move on and let her handle her own affairs.