5 yr old son rebelling against me and his dad, doctor says its normal for his age??

Question

Ok, we moved 7 miles from my parents a little over a year ago and since then our son has been visiting them every weekend. And sometimes on weekdays. They have a lot of money to throw around so naturally it goes on him. He already has a real running packard, a 75 or 76 stingray and a gas powered four wheeler he got on his 4th bday! My husband and I are thankful that he is getting all the things we never had but I think my mom and step dad are way over doing it. I am already paying $3500 a yr for the private school they put him in, which in my opinion isnt any better than public preschool. They just over do everything when it comes to him! I cant even buy him clothes without them putting their 2 cents in! And dont get me started when it comes to punishment, I am wrong all of the time. My parents rough house alot with each other, so now we have a problem with him hitting other kids and adults. He back talks, and ignores everything I say! It is worst when i get him back after the wkend.

Answer 1

that's not only normal for a 5 year old, that's normal for a person of ANY age who clearly has no boundaries. tell them to BACK OFF, and start disciplining your child.

Answer 2

Your son needds clear boundaries and firm discipline from you NOW or else he's going to have serious social and authority problems as he goes to school. It is NOT normal for a 5 yr old to rebel against their parents!! Something is very wrong with the way your parents are treating him, and by you allowing him to go there unsupervised, you are creating a Spoiled MONSTER!! Stop all visits NOW until you can teach him how to behave properly.

I have taught (subbed) in lots of Kindergarten classes and virtually all 5 yr olds want to please and are very agreeable and sweet. When they get older, like around 12, it totally changes, but if you don't have him behaving NOW, he is going to spiral further and further out of control as he gets older and you will not be able to handle a teen like this. Sounds like he needs a good spanking and some caring but strong guidance.

Answer 3

why are asking a question when the problem is obvious , your parents dont tell him what do to or what not to do , the buy him what ever he wants , i am sorry but who in hell buys a four years old an ATV , tell them bluntly and to back the **** off , this is your kid and you will raise with you rules, if they wanna be part of his life they should be in the sidelines not in the game and dont let him go anymore.
trust me they will change , i am take a shot in the dark is he the only young grandson they got, if yes then they want do have everything they could not give you.

Answer 4

You and your child's dad need to sit down and set some limits for your child and for your mom and step-dad.
Get some professional counseling, if you're having trouble doing it on your own. (And it already seems as though you are).
You are this child's parent - you need to make the decisions for him. And he needs to respect that. No matter what. If you allow other people in your life to treat you with disrespect, your son will as well.
Family counseling is a good thing!!

Answer 5

I think it is time to stop the visits until they realize what they are actually teaching him. Tell them that he needs discipline, not toys. He is not THEIR child, he is YOURS. Why are you paying for a private school that THEY put him in. They could not have done it without your permission. Take him out and place him in a public school. They cannot force you to pay for it. Use that $3,500 and put it in a account for him every year instead that he cannot touch until he is 18.

Answer 6

Not normal at his age. I would suggest the visits to the Grandparents cease for a time. Get your son under control again. Set the ground rules with your parents, if they refuse to abide by them refuse to let them see him. YOU are the PARENT! Everyone plays by your rules or they can't play. It's that simple.

Answer 7

You should talk to your parents and tell them he is picking up bad habits. Its cool to have things, its probably not the money getting to him. Maybe your parents are teaching him to back talk, as they taught him to fight with the roughhousing. But its good he loves his grandparents, just remember that YOU are mom and mom is boss. Whatever you do, don't punish him with "you don't get to go to grandma and granpa's this weekend" because he will get very frustrated and angry wit you.

Answer 8

It seem like your leting them be mom and dad. you have to remmber who made your son and who had him. you did. so you need to tell him what you want for your son not what they wont. if you dont want him in that school you take him out! I know my dad did the samething to me with my son. so just have to be mom and staed up for you your son and ur man. don't let them run your life. you should be the one doing that. good luck!

Answer 9

Wow! The grandparents have really out done themselves in spoiling your son! And then some!
Has your mom always gotten her way in raising you as well?
Who has the money-your mom or step dad? Who's responsibility is it to raise this child of yours? You and your husband-not grandma & grandpa.
May I suggest--that you and your husband have a talk over coffee with each other first (when your son cannot hear the two of you), and talk about how to resolve this.
Punishment won't work at this time-because his grandparents stand up for him against the two of you.
Please, have you and your husband make a plan, and agree to it-as to how to talk with your parents on this matter, and how often your son can go see them from now on. It sounds like you need to get a plan, and work that plan. If you need some help with a counselor, please feel free to do so.
You and your husband need to get your backbones up, and then invite your parents over for coffee. Please get a babysitter to watch your son, so no distractions. Maybe even go out for coffee with them.
First of all, your son does not need all that "stuff" to make him truly happy. And, if you continue to allow your parents to spoil him like they are, he will grow up expecting everyone to do for him, and he can be a lazy do nothing person as an adult. Do you want that for him? No, you don't.
And, why are you paying so much for a private school, especially when he is only five yrs. old?
First, after talking (or when talking with your husband) please decide to make some rules for your household.
Your son is 5 yrs. old. He needs to be able to play and get along with neighborhood children his age, etc. He needs to learn respect, and common courtesy.
When you and your husband sit down over coffee with your parents, you ned to calmly, diplomatically explain to them that you are your son's parents, that you apreciate how they have been there for your son as grandparents, but that things have got to change for the better-soon.
1) Your son cannot stay overnight or over weekends with them until his behavior has gotten better, and more under proper control.
2) If there is a local public preschool in your neighborhood, enroll your son in it, and get him out of the private school. That also will save you and your husband $3500 per yr. Just think of what you could put that money to instead of private school.
As for when you buy your son clothes--they are not to be allowed any input on any of it, and they are to keep their mouths shut in negative comments about the clothes around your son.
Also, with Christmas coming up, you should put a money limit and a number of gift limit for your parents to be allowed to spend on your son, each year. Especially when he is so young.
I am also concerned about the kind of example your parents are setting for your son, when they rough house with each other, etc. Are there any chances of domestic violence with them? If he sees them hitting each other in their "rough housing", no wonder he is hitting other kids and adults. Same with back talking. If they do it to each other around him (and maybe "teasingly" to him, that is also how the back talk could be happening.
Even if he is their only grandchild, they need to show you and your husband the proper respect and boundaries of the fact you are the parents, and they need to abide by your rules concerning your son, not their own.
I also would like to recommend a parenting class for you, your husband, and yes, even the grandparents to attend. About an 8 - 10 week course-please check in your local area, the YWCA< YMCA, any other organization that may offier parenting classes.
You need to not worry about punishment-concentrate on the good behavior, try to ignore the bad behavior, but when you can't your son should get a 5 min. time out. One minute per yr. of age of the child. And, if he throws a tantrum, ignore that, and he will learn to behave better.
Or, if he throws a tantrum in a store,take him out, and take him home. You can shop later, after he calms down, and decides to behave. Consistency is the important point.
Please, also consider getting your son into counseling (yes, even at his age), to help him as you make the proper adjustments in his behavior.
Maybe wait and not allow him to see the grandparents for at least two-four weeks, and when you start letting them be around him again, at first with you and your husband with, they are to understand your rules are what they go by, and let him see them only for a couple of hours each time to start with. His "reward" for behaving according to you and your husband's rules-more time (gradually) with his grandparents.
One tip, please, do not keep raising your voice everytime he ignores you when you are talking to him. Kids know that "certain pitch" in the voice that makes them want to listen, etc. Instead, you might try lowering the volume of your voice to the point of a whisper, to get his attention.
I truly wish you, your husband, and your son the best. Grandma & grandpa too-especially once they learn that their money doesn't "talk" like it used to, anymore. Take care.