I'm having a hearing for misconduct and I want to make myself break into tears, how can i do this? Onions?

Question

Don't bother telling me that i'm a shady person, i obvioiusly know this already.

The crime is playing beerpong. I'm at a University.

Answer 1

Pathetic.

Answer 2

First of all, beerpong (or "Beirut," as those douchebags up north call it) is NOT a crime. You are a political prisoner, as far as I'm concerned. But here is your best answer:

As I see it, you're looking to cry whilst already in front of someone. If you were looking to walk into a room crying, a drop or two of vinegar (white or apple cider vinegar ONLY) works wonders, and lasts for a bit...DO NOT USE EYE DROPS. They work for perhaps 30 seconds, then make your eyes crystal clear. Now, to make yourself look as if you just started crying...It's 75% act...you need to work on the buildup: the quiver in the voice (if you can crack your voice, even better), the little sniffle, the slight stutter, the biting of the lower lip and turning your head away for a moment...that will all lead you to the money shot: the waterworks (tears) themselves. The act will give you an opportunity to put your hand (ONE HAND ONLY) to your face, as if to stifle your tears. Here's what you do: hold thumb and and index finger out as if you were going to rub your eyelids. Squint your eyes shut while bringing your hand up to your face. AT THE VERY LAST MOMENT, open your eyes slightly, when your hand is in front (and thus obscuring), and touch your fingers gently to your eyeballs. To the judge/dean/advisor/SGA committee/whatever, it will look like you are wiping away or holding back tears. What you are really doing is irritating your corneas and temporarily contaminating them so that your tear ducts will produce tears and your eyes will get very red.

This is NOT AT ALL DANGEROUS...As long as you don't push really hard, of course. Your eyes are designed to take the occasional "invasion." Ever had a bug or dust, etc. fly in there? Remember the feeling? This is what you will be reproducing. JUST MAKE SURE YOUR HANDS ARE CLEAN BEFORE YOU GO IN THERE. Your fingers alone are enough to produce the irritation; no need to have a ton of extra germs on there.

Good luck, and practice before hand. This will work better than onions and eyedrops (which do not last), and is much easier than trying to train yourself to cry on demand (by thinking of your mom's funeral, for example).

Answer 3

If your trying to get out of it obviously your not a chick because the tear drops would be in your DNA. I have been into many such situations. The best defense in any case that your at fault is a good offense. Admit your wrong up front and say that you understand you've messed up and you want to make things "right with the world". Coming from experience this works but not infront of the same judge twice and if you have priors crying won't help you either.

Answer 4

I wouldn't bother telling you something you know. I think onions would be to smelly and obvious in a courtroom setting as people would be looking for the funky smell. Plus where would you cut them up without anyone noticing. Maybe try some eye drops but if you feel bad enough maybe you will cry on your own. Who knows it just might work.

Answer 5

Tears don't go far with a judge. It can be read as you think ing you may not get away with bad behavior. Admission that you screwed up with a sincere apology will go futher. If you have been in front of a judge in the past the tears and apology probably won't go very far. Good luck

Answer 6

I've worked in the Court system for (too) many years and have pretty much seen it all. Believe me, tears won't mean anything... in fact, they may irritate the Judge who may slam-dunk you even harder, especially if he/she even remotely thinks that you're putting on an act.

Bite the bullet, be responsible for the acts that you've committed and get a lawyer. He/she can work out a deal with the prosecutor in advance. You'll know what is going to happen in advance and may not even have to open your mouth in Court If you go it alone, you are fair game to most anything the prosecutor wants to do.

Remember the words of Abraham Lincoln: "He who defends himself in court, has a fool for a client."

Answer 7

Eye drops! Are you an adult or under 18? What charges do you have? Add details or email your situation - you'll probably be fine without the tears...just don't look obnoxious or un-caring...be sympathetic and sorry for what you did in front of the judge

Answer 8

Oh yes, by all means take an onion with you.

It will work extremely well, and it's not like the others at the hearing will, you know, smell it or anything.

Answer 9

Really concentrate on a dead dog or pet you loved. Maybe a girlfriend or relative who loved you but you treated them like dogs and am very remorseful about it. Maybe your dad gave you a beating once and concentrate on how you felt at the time. But while concentrating don't let the hearing interrupt your thoughts.

Answer 10

Pop a zit on your nose. Pull nose hairs out. Any pain associated with nose makes your eyes water. Onion would smell too strong and you would be found out.