Physical Attraction...does it really matter?

Question

I like this guy for who he is, and he is the most sweetest man that I've ever known. I'm also a feminist so it says a lot coming from me. I've always had this "father-daughter" complex, and I've "hated" men every since. I believe in equality and good in all people, but for me, there's always something about men that just tick me off.

Here's the gist: the guy I've been seeing or getting to know better is a real sweetheart and we have a lot in common, especially value-wise, intelligence, and we're both pretty creative. We have different hobbies but that's not always such a bad thing, right? Anyways, hes really sweet and he knows how to respect a girl and how to care for her. The thing is, I don't know if I'm physically attracted to him. I think he's "adorable" and I still squeal at times when I think about him; yet I'm also scared. We haven't had our first kiss and we both don't want to rush...yet, he already said that he REALLY likes me...and twice. Why aren't I that attracted to him?

He's actually pretty decent looking and I would consider him cute...as I'm smiling and typing this down...

~Sigh~ Maybe I should see a therapist! Lol!

Answer 1

Well physical attraction is important, it just depends what is your treshold of attraction does he meet your standard or does he fall short? And sometimes attraction takes getting to know someone better over a period of time, its not always physical at first meeting between two people. If you two have known each other for a short while I say give it time he may grow on you and you might just find him more attractive day by day.

Answer 2

Its either there, or it isn't. Its a biological reaction. Something about him, his looks, maybe how you feel about him, is failing to turn you on biologically. Now don't get me wrong. You are a feminist. So am I even tho I am a guy. However, I do think there is a biological basis in women being attracted to masculine guys, it makes sense. Biologically they are probably more potent, and they are seen as stronger, better protectors. I think this is why women sometimes go for "bad boys"--tough guys who don't treat them with much kindness or respect. I am not totally convinced thats the explanation but its the best I can come up with so far. Anyway, it might be that biologically what you need is a sort of rough guy, maybe a muscular deep voiced kinda macho guy. Only a thought.

Answer 3

If you have to ask, you're probably not.
I don't know what your dad was like, but it sounds like you're extrapolating contempt for one man on many more. Yes, men can tick me off, too; just like women can. Guess what? We are all human! Myself, half my family is Jewish. I don't go around killing Germans, however, or even hating them.
My point is, given what you said here, you would seem to have some issues that could affect all of your relationships - including your current man of interest. Maybe some therapy for you at some point?
Finally, if you are really not attracted to him, just tell him so. If he "likes" you now, telling him so might hurt his feelings for a bit; but if you drag this out, he might hate you for it. I would bet there would be more than a few people that know both of you that wouldn't blame him for feeling that way either,,,,
Good luck!

Answer 4

You have to judge if physical attraction is a criteria for happiness. Do you want to be intimate with someone who does not interest you? Will you be able to satisfy his needs if you don't want to get physically close? Can his personality overcome your attraction and be that catalyst for you to "really like" him in return?

I think that your question already indicates your decision. You really think this lack of attraction is a deal breaker and you have trapped him in the friend's zone. It's a shame. I would not blame you for this nor him. It's life.

I would, however, talk to a counselor and discuss that "father-daughter complex" you mentioned, as this complex will repeatedly hamper your relationships. If you understand what it is in your father that makes you distrust, you might be able to identify what qualities in a mate you really need to fulfill you.

Good luck.

Answer 5

I think inside you are but you don't want to be. You've had issues with men and because of that your mind is shouting" no he's a guy don't like him" but you actually do and are just afraid that he's gonna hurt you or if you do go out and it doesnt work, you won't have his friendship. Don't be scared, if this guy is perfect, go for it. It could also be that if he isnt cute, then your thinking oher people will judge him, dont feel that way, just go for it.

Answer 6

hun I think you are attracted to him...it just seems to you that you are not because you've never had any good emotions and feelings about men...you just dont know how to feel that there's any physical attraction..so I think if you like this guy and he likes you you should give it a shot..if you dont like it all even with such a nice guy it may mean either that he is not the one for you or that you are gay..good luck

Answer 7

Yes, physical attraction is important. however, if you don't have it right away, it doesn't mean it won't ever develop. I'd give it a little more time. BTW, I know how you feel about being scared. You're right to take your time. Make sure he doesn't have any serious issues before you get serious.

Answer 8

Is it possible that you have had this negativity about men so much, that when you meet a guy that is to your standards.... that it scares you?

Moving slowly is probably the best thing for you to do until you get past this 'awkward' feeling you are having.

Answer 9

I like to judge a person by the content of their heart not by how they look... beauty comes from within. It does help,if the person doesnt look Milguilla Gorilla.

Answer 10

Physical attraction is something not everything though. If you think he is adorable and love being with him, go for it. You seem to have everything else right.

I would recommend that you take it slow though.