sister cuts herself;;?

Question

my family recently found out my young teenage sister has been cutting herself. She has the "emo" look, and I dont know if that's what it is... But she had lied to us and told us the dog scratched her, but we realized that it's way too straight- later on, she admitted to cutting herself with my pocketknife (which is extremely dull, so she probably had to hack away at herself). Mom wants to make her grow her hair out from the "emo hair" and stop buying her the "emo look", as well as send her to counseling. My sister refuses to go to counseling (though mom will make her go anyways), and thinks it's no big deal.
Since adopting her "look", she has made everyone (except her bad, school skipping, swearing, partying friends) her enemy.

she refuses to tell us why she did it.

so.... how do we handle this? my first feelings are to make comments and tease her... But I know that's not going to be a smart thing...

ideas on how a sibling copes w/ the cutting younger sibling? im nearly 16, shes 14

Answer 1

First, this is too much for any one person to handle. I remember when my daughter was 14 and I'd take her to a counselor. She'd sit for the whole hour dead silent, and with the look of death on her face. But if I didn't make her go, I'd be sending the message that I didn't care, and there was always that one chance that she'd open up. She fell in with a crowd I would not have chosen for her too and dressed Goth (guess that's close to emo?) Anyway I let her dress that way, didn't comment on it one way or another unless it was revealing or inappropriate. Heck, sometimes I'd make suggestions like, (that skull necklace would really work with that outfit.)

Long story short my daughter grew out of it. She just needed attention, lots of attention because of all the things going on with her body and her feelings and all that puberty stuff. She didn't know what kind of attention she needed so she couldn't ask for it and when she didn't get it she got angry and frustrated. She hooked herself up to others who were feeling similar things.

Emo: negative attention to it will reinforce it.
Cutting: that's a tough one, but try listening to her. Even if she's not just talking to you one on one about her problems. Listen to whatever she's saying. Ignore the ugly words and hear her message. You're in a very good position because you're her brother and close to her age so you kind of know what she's going through. And when it comes time that she tells you something that if your parents knew it, it would help, then tell them.

Answer 2

Making fun of her is not a good thing. She is in a bad place. Sounds like she is stressed out and her way of coping with her stress is by cutting herself. She may start cutting herself in places you and your parents can't see.

I think the reason people cut themselves is because they are so stressed out that is the only thing they can do to find relief it is a control thing it is violent but it is self destructive and non productive. Cutting is very deceptive it give the victim a sense of calm but it accomplishes nothing it has no effect on the problem that is causing the stress.

Sounds like your sister is in a rebellious stage. The more you aggravate her the harder she will be on the whole family.

I am not saying bend over back-wards to please her but don't make it harder either back off and try and let your parents handle this. If you see her doing something destructive to herself or others you might want to tip your parents off they are tiring to help her not kill her. Don't let her know you are tipping them off or she will hate your guts but it is the right thing to do she is at a age where she can do a lot of damage to herself.

You are at a better level to see what she is up to then your parents try and give them a hand. I am sure they will appreciate it. Remember we reap what we sow which means what comes around goes around. Treat people the way you expect to be treated. If you don't want crap don't dish it out.

You sound like a very concerned sibling your sister is lucky to have you. she just don't' know it yet she will give it time. Ignore her attitude for now she is going to love you later I promise

Answer 3

It sounds like not only your sister ,but, the whole family should go to counseling. Not that anything you did made her this way, but to help her and yourselves through this. She just didn't wake up and say I'm "emo" and I'll start cutting. I too was a cutter and started when I was 14, (now 34, w/ a 16 yr) and stress was building in me for a long time before I started cutting.
Don't judge your sister! Your mom making her(change) her look might not go over too well either. Encourage your parents to get her help before anything else. Everthing else will fall in to place in time. Hang in there, and be well.

Answer 4

Nothings wrong with her look it's rather her decision making. The best way for her to learn is to let her live through the consequences of what happens with how her friends act. (Almost every teenager swears). Cutting however is a difficult matter to deal with. Opening up to family members is painful and hard. I know when I used to cut it wasn't a big deal. It drove me crazy how everyone else freaked and it was annoying. What she needs is a better coping mechanism then cutting try getting one of her friends to talk to her. She'd probably be more open to hearing what they have to say.

Answer 5

You should definitely be really nice and supportive. Slowly gain her trust and ask her why she does things like that. If you get no answer, kiss her and leave her alone. Don't force her to lose her look, but try and gently show her how bad her friends are. Don't do harsh things or be mean. Trust me, I cut for many years, and my family had no idea how to deal with it. Just help without telling her you are helping.

Answer 6

My ex b/f used to do the same thing... it took a lot of time to get him to stop. You need to tell her and find a way to prove that there are worse things that could be happening to her.

Here's a website I recently found and am supporting now, and I think you and your sister should read the story and facts and stuff:

twloha.com

Answer 7

When I cut I realized the only thing that made me want to do it more was when the people I hated or made me cut in the first place tried to do something about it....Do you know her friends? If so reach out discretely and tell her friends about what she is doing....believe me if that is the only thing she is caring about at the moment then she will listen to them if they tell her it isn't cool.

Answer 8

This site has a lot of useful links:

http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/cutting.html

Also, consider giving this number a call...

Self Harm Hotline

1-800-DONTCUT

Help for "cutters"