Adoption versus Single Mom?

Question

Abortion is out of the question, not an option, this child will have life.

I'm 6 weeks pregnant, so still have a ways to go, and time to weigh options.

The father is a good man, but isn't ready to be a husband or a father, and doesn't like the idea of having a child he can't provide everything for, and doesn't like the idea of not being an involved dad.

He wants me to consider adoption.

However I would rather raise this child, our child, instead of giving him (the father says 'entrusting') to someone else.

I welcome personal experiences, opinions, suggestions, and ideas.

I am 21, the father is 23.

Answer 1

I am 32 and I got pregnant at 24. He was 34 and ran out. I decided to raise the child on my own. I had a court order child support and that didn't last longer than a few years and I let it go. I have my baby... so really, nothing else mattered to me. I now have another baby and am single again! geez, lol... but I am ok with that. My son is 4 months old and my duaghter is 7 years old. I get zero child support and am thus taking full time universtiy at home for 4 years until I have enough education to get a better job. It is perfect. I get to stay home with baby, be there for my grade 3'r and I get the education I have always wanted! I have to say that people say 'it is SO hard'. And it is. But really no harder than raising a kid and having a crappy relationship at the same time! I think that would be worse. I would say the worst part is not having a family to help out.. so I worry about 'what if something happens to me' and also I would just die to go out for a drink, or to go to a movie that is R rated, or even just go on a date, lol.. anything like that would be kinda cool. I look at these single moms who say 'it is so hard' and their kid goes to see the dad once every 2 weeks and they get sparatic child support and complain because he is behind. And they have some boyfriend on the mix. lamo... that is not a TRUE single mom. I am the real deal. No family support. No child support. No visitation for the kids. And I dont' think it is so bad. Sometimes I wish for an evening break... but I would not trade it for the world. Sometimes I get stressed, but having a man around would not mean that I would no longer get stressed. I am happy and I personally think my life is rather charmed. I see my kids and I feel SO blessed. If I could plan my life, I would plan what I have now (with the expection of my parents, lol)... And I know from my daughter being older, that my cooped up feeling that I have now with my 4 month old, will pass because in about 6 months he will be walking and crawling to get away from me.... It's those first 6 months that are pretty intense.

Answer 2

I am SO HAPPY that you are not considering killing your baby.

You are at an age in which I personally think that you are more then able to care for a child.
I was married at age 20 and had twins at age 22. For me is was a good age and I was ready. I am 29 now.

Even if the father does not want anything to do with your child he will still have to pay child support and help in that aspect. He did chose to have sex with you and a baby is the chance that you take.

I would not be able to give my child up for adoption. I loved my boys more then anything when I first saw them. I have never loved anyone as much as I love them.

I was so in love with them when I was pregnant and saw them on the ultrasound and felt them move.

However, if you truly cannot take care of a child the way that you want then I think that adoption is the most selfless act any person can do. I pray that you find the answer that is right for you and a happy healthy pregnancy...

Answer 3

Good for you for using your FREEDOM to CHOOSE (that was for the Pro-Lifers).

Anyway- I was 22 when I became pregnant and decided to keep the baby b/c I couldn't imagine anyone else raising him better. Also, I thought it would be REALLY REALLY hard to be pregnant at 9 months (TOUGH MONTH) with someone else's baby. It was a dumb reason, but I am glad I did it now. Though I wish my circumstances were better - I was on my own.

I have a college degree and a supportive family. Both of those things helped me out so very much.

A child does not need 'everything' - all it needs is a supportive family. You have to talk to your man and your family. W/O them you could be on welfare and, if it comes to that you should consider adoption again for the child's sake.

PS> Don't marry just for the kid - it won't work.

Answer 4

I was given up for adoption, my biological mother was 15 when she had me. I am 35 now. For several years I had tried to look for her, without success because it was a closed adoption. I have some information about her and her family and my biological father. My biological father was 19 at the time and she split with him before she knew she was pregnant with me. Adoption is an option. I am a single parent right now and have been since my son just turned 2 years old and he will be 6 in Feb. I love being a single mom, better than being with a dad that doesn't want anything to do with his son and a deadbeat as well.

Maybe his mind will change when his child comes into this world. Before my son was born I thought I never wanted children and when my son came along, I am glad I had him and would never turn back. I would seriously ditch him and be a single mom. Yes, there are challenges, however there are several resources that you may need to look up in your area that supports single parents.

Answer 5

Well let me just say that I have a daughter and I am 22. She was not planned and very unexpected and abortion was not a question for me either. I understand that the dad is not ready but I promise you if you keep that child you will have no regrets. Your own child is the world to you. I sit here every day and watch her play and just want to hug her and kiss her nonstop because of the love I have. I think after you carry that child and feel it move in ur tummy and the first time you get to meet it, you will want to keep it. There is not another feeling in the world than to have that baby in your arms no matter how hard it is. That baby is your own flesh and blood and you need to think of the long term things like in 15 years if she wants to know her mother...her real mother that carried her for 9 months and gave birth to her how hard it would be to face her after giving her up. I strongly suggest that you keep that baby and take care of it and love it and you wont be sorry for it. Like I said I couldnt ask for anything else. I was so scared when I got pregnant and didnt know what I would do but I sure wouldnt trade her for anything in the world now. Shes the joy of my life and just to see her smile everyday makes my life even better. So good luck and I hope you make the right decision for yourself and that baby

Answer 6

It really depends on how mature you are and how you think you will do as a parent. When I was 21 I left my abusive husband while I was 6 months pregnant. I was not emotionally or financially able to provide for our child. I knew that giving my child to another couple to raise would be one of the hardest things I ever did.

I chose an open adoption with a family I knew and trusted but was unable to have their own children. The family was also unable to adopt through DSS because they were in their late 30's. We discussed it for the three months before I had the child and both were present for the birth. The adoptive mother was my labor coach. She held my hand the entire time. The adptive father left during most of the labor, but came back in to cut the cord.

I was allowed to breast feed the child for the first two days to give him the colestrum to help his immunity, they chose to have him curcimcised and had that done before he wen thome with them. He left the hospital with them. They send me pictures on a regular basis.

This was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make, but even now, 13 years later, I know I made the right decision. I don't know if I would have been able to do it if I wasn't able to keep up with him through photos. The open adoption did keep the wound open for longer, but it also allowed me to know that he was ok and that he was in the right place.

I feel for you and hope you are able to feel comfortable with your decision, whatever it may be.

I applaude you for deciding to not abort. My mother had the choice of aborting me, I am so thankful she didn't do that.

Answer 7

You have plenty of time to think about the options.

1. adoption- there are many many couples out there, great families looking to add a child to their home. Some have been waiting for years and would make great parents, but are unable to conceive.

2. single mom- plenty of women can do it and will do it well, but as a young mom you HAVE to put all the fun of your youth behind you and step up to being a parent. No more late night partying until 2am, college fun, etc. You need to make a serious committment to the future of another human being . If you can't, adoption is a very reasonable option.

My mom raised me as a single mom until she met my step dad when I was 4. She has the support of my grandparents and the rest of her family, and I'd like to think I turend out "a-okay!" :)

Answer 8

JMO - Please consider adoption. Thank you for NOT aborting HUGE props to you. I know it will be hard, but please consider adopting the child into a loving two parent home (mom and dad). There are thousands of couples who can't have children just waiting for a chance at parenthood. It's my opinion that children are much better off with both Mom and Dad. This will also give you the chance to get your life in order before starting a family.

It will take courage, which by not aborting you've show you have. I BELIEVE IN YOU, NOW GO DO THE RIGHT THING!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

I am with you which ever way you go.
If you choice to move on as a single mom and you left the father off the hook or even if you don't. You will be needing some LEGAL ADVICE. Just questions that you are going to want answered. You should go check out my website www.blairteam.info and learn how just knowing your Legal Rights can help change the quality of your thinking.

Answer 10

Since you are early in your pregnancy,I agree you have a lot of time to think what you want to do..I get the sense that the father of this baby is encouraging adoption so he won't have to pay support.It apppears he has already distanced himself from the baby.There are pros and cons for being a single mother or adoption but I cannot tell you which option is best for you. Take care of yourself during your pregnancy and enjoy this wonderful time in your life. Build a support system for yourself with family and friends who will be there for you and your baby.Take care.