My boyfriend and I want to move in together...but my dad is old-fashioned.?

Question

I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 23. And my dad is already aware that we want to move in together..but there's no way I'm going to get his blessing.. What should I do?

my boyfriend and I have been talking about it for quite a bit...and marriage is on the horizon. And I do live in the same house as my dad. It'll be me moving out for the first and most likely last time.

Answer 1

Do it anyways. This is a major step forward in your development into adulthood. You can't truly be an adult until you shake off the need to please your parents with your decisions. And the only way to free yourself of that, is to break the rules, defy them, do something you know they hate.

I'm not saying it will be easy and quickly resolve itself in a neat happy ending. He'll be pissed off, disappointed, and he might do things to "punish" you, whether that's withholding love, affectino, time, or making snide disapproving comments. It will be hard. But it will make you an adult, it will be the moment that crosses you over from the extended child away from home, into a true independently functioning adult.

Answer 2

Ask yourself how profitable this would be for you. Moving out is often a source of regret for so many people, especially of your age--when they move in with their current boyfriends.
I highly discourage the practice because all too often, when you move out to live with a boyfriend, then the relationship gets too close too fast. Finally, within a few months to a year or so, you either find yourselves wondering why you did this, or he runs out on you and the "sweet loving" period gets sour.

That's 'cause you live too close, and you see all the other person's faults (like looking too closely at yourself in a mirror and realizing just how many imperfections you have). Of course, nobody's prefect, but if you want to see all your boyfriends good and bad habits and you want him to see the same for you, then by all means, move in.

Dad being old-fashioned is not a bad thing---he's most likely thinking about protecting you, and you should be glad about that because there are some parents out there who couldn't care less about the welfare of their kids that have moved out. If you need his blessing, then I take it you're insecure about the whole thing and maybe you need to move out on your own, and not with your boyfriend.

If I start to tell you about the headaches that come up when someone loses their job and can't hold up their end of the rent anymore, or when the other person has a little debt problem that you never discussed and is slowly but surely draining every last red cent in your account, you'll be glad that Dad cares enough to check you before you make your move.

Honestly, if you want to fast track your relationship to the "make it" or "break it" lane of romance, move in with your boyfriend.

Good luck

Answer 3

Well, you are certianly old enough to move out and make your own decisions. Personally I think that 20 is young to be getting married, but at the same time it is everyone's personal choice so I can't discrimate against people that do. Just be cautious when you are making those kinds of decisions in your life. A lot of people don't take marriage and living independently seriously, but they're much more serious matters then they want to realize. Just keep that in mind.

As for your question, I think you have the right to move out and live as you want with your boyfriend. Both of you are old enough to make big decisions like that, and as long as you've planned ahead adaquetely and have some future plans set for yourself and your boyfriend as well as one of you (or both of you) having a secure job that can support you both finacially, you both should be fine.

Basicly, you can either choose to live with your father's will and not move out, or express your independence and move out. Even if he doesn't agree with that choice at first, if he is an understanding father he will accept the fact that he wants you to be happy, no matter what you're doing.

Answer 4

Your Dad is not old fashioned. He just knows that when a farmer can get the milk for free, he won't buy the cow.

Beyond that wisdom, you are an adult and are making an adult decision. A decision that, if the outcome is less than desirable, you can not run back to your father and tell him, "I wish you would have told me not to do that," because he already has. If you can not stand on your own feet and make this decision without looking for support, then perhaps your father sees something that you do not. Right now he seems as dumb as a box of rocks, but in about 5 years, you'll be amazed at how smart he has become.

Answer 5

I think you should listen to your Dad. A year from now when your boyfriend meets a new hot chick he will dump you like a hot potato. Remember, your Dad will always be your Dad. Or if you do stay with him and your Dad hates him for taking you away and against his wishes, who will walk you down the aisle if you do marry this guy? what's so important to play house without the full committment. As soon as you get with child he will leave you and go on his merry way, no need to hang around, he isn't married. Hello, think what Dad is saying then make your own decision. But, my money is on Dad being there in the long run and BF bye bye.

Answer 6

You are an adult, so the choice is ultimately yours.
But before making this decision, consider a few things.
First off, are you financially independent from your father? If your father is still paying for your bills or providing you with money then you would be expected to "obey his wishes" and he may cut you off if you do this.
Also, talk to your dad and find out what his reservations are (besides being old-fashioned). You may be able to voice your opinions and tell him your plans and why you want to move in together, that it will save you money and allow you to better know your partner before considering marriage, etc. Try to help him understand and communicate with him.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I am a father and I probably would feel the same way your father is feeling! The thing about living together is that it is not a total commitment when you live together is there? I mean, you have one foot in, and one foot out the door! You are an adult, but understand that your dad may be disappointed in you even though he still loves you! Good luck!

Answer 8

at 20 and 23, you are too young. you both may not feel the same way about each other say, after 2-3 years. then you will want to move in with someone else. if you got married now, it will cement your relationship and if it is meant to be, it will last forever. by just moving in, you are saying that this relationship is temporary. your father can understand that feelings can change, so he wants to protect you from public ridicule and gossip mongering. in india, people are capable of great cruelty and will say all sorts of stuff about the woman and nothing about the man and your boyfriend knows this. later on, when you have children, there is no way you can stop the world from telling them that their mother has no morals. will you be able to deal with this? just shows what reality is and how little your boyfriend cares about your honour. why can't you get married? it is so easy to divorce later. better to be known as a divorcee with kids than to be referred to as the village bicycle.

Answer 9

my advice get married first and if you really really love eachother wait because there is alot that comes along with moving in i did the same thing and isnt going to well i wish i would have waited to be married and own a home there just isnt enough space in our apartment plus we have a baby now well hopefully you seriously think this over and take your dads advice consider marriage or a nice size apartment or house

Answer 10

I was you!

Consider how much of a strain it will be on your relationship with your father. Are you very close?
I did it. But I screwed up. I didn't have a backup plan for if we broke up. Of course, had I had the slightest clue we weren't going to make it I never would have moved in with him in the first place. Sounds familiar, huh? :P
Truth be told, it really is best to wait for that freakin ring. But if you're determined to do it, make sure you have a backup plan--usually just a big chuck of cash you have set aside. I know it's horrid to think about, but you really need to cover your butt! There's nothing worse than breaking up AND being homeless.
And my dad is talking to me again, but it's never been quite the same. I guess I lost my innocence.
Good luck hun!