How do you handle kids fighting over small things?

Question

I always have a hard time dealing with:

"Mom, he hit me with a ball."--- The ball is just as big as a sock
"Mom, he said this"........""...No, I did not. You said this"..."---how do you determine who's right or wrong?
"Mom, his constant singing with the dog annoys me!"--Should everything that annoys another be stopped?

Answer 1

As long as the kids are not actually hurting each other I stay out of most arguments. Some things kids just need to work out by themselves. It will give them the social skills to deal with difficult people when they get older.

Answer 2

I have raised 4 kids successfully. I think that I have learned a few tricks- but I also know they won't work for everyone :)

When our kids did this, we had one method- and the kids knew what would happen each time.

"Mom, he hit me with a ball."

"Mike, is that true?"

"But he hit me first!"

"That's not waht I asked you. What did I ask you?"

Make them REPEAT your question back - it proves they heard you and understood you. Often, they don't hear you b/c they're too wrapped up in their excuse, the "no I didn't" indignant mentality, etc.

Once they repeat the question back, politely ask them to answer the question. When they have done so, then say. "Even if he hit you first, was it right to hit him back?" The answer should obviously be 'no.'

Then turn to the other child, the one who started the hitting. "Is it true you hit him first?" .. of course they'll reply with a "But..." answer. Again, make them repeat the question. And then make them answer the question. The conversation does not move further until those things happen. That is key.

When you have a clear picture of what happened, and (MOST IMPORTANT) The kids have admitted fault!!! then you can administer some kind of punishment.

Usually the kids are so frustrated with this end-result of tattling (the inquisition! lol) they will want to go back to playing and will work it out themselves- no more issues. Your job is to just get them both to admit fault and admit it was wrong.

If they are bound and determined to make this a big deal (its only as big of a deal as YOU make it out to be- and you judge your frustration based on how hard they push the issue.) then apply an appropriate punishment. 5 minutes in the corner never killed us as a kid ;)

IF the kids are stubborn and they don't want to tell you what happened, admit fault, etc, then you sit them at a kitchen table - opposite sides. And they have to fold their hands on the table top. And they cannot move or talk until one of them is willing to tell you what happened.

Its very clear. THEY wanted to fight over something this stupid, then THEY are going to determine how long this gets drug out. Period.

The key for the adults is to never get frustrated here. Your tone is even and calm the entire time.

When you get mad, they sense weakness and will play on yoru emotions. When youre calm the whole time, you're more likley to succeed. Trust me, I know how frustrating the constant "moooom" can be ;) but the key is to just keep your cool and let them realize that the more they come to you with this little stuff, the longer it takes and BOTH end up with punishment (even if its just punishment for tattling.)

Answer 3

I don't know for sure nor does anyone, the right way to handle these things all the time. I usually remind my kids of the Golden Rule, tell them that if it's in their power to make someone they love happy by changing their behavior or by doing something else then they should. This isn't exactly about what you asked but one really great thing I've discovered is that to solve those constant disputes like, who gets to sit at the deeper end of the tub or who get's the last banana, or whatever, rock paper scissors works like magic. They get to do it once and then the other has lost fair and square, and we can all move on. Just had to share that one. Good luck!

Answer 4

No, just because one is annoyed by something caused by another child it doesn't have to be stopped. If it is something that is not affecting them...like throwing a ball at them... then the other child just needs to ignore it! If it is affecting them physically then it needs to be stopped. If it doesn't stop then whatever object they are using to annoy the other sibling needs to be taken away.

Answer 5

As long as their isn't anyone hurting anyone else, leave them to settle things for themselves. They must do so though without raising their voices, name calling, hitting, whining, or tattling. If any of these things occur, separate them for 5 to 10 minutes. Then let them get back to solving whatever the problem is. Don't let them drag you into all their little squabbles. This will teach them compromise and problem solving skills.

Answer 6

Depends on my level of patience. sometimes if something else is going on, like I am on the phone or got some other bad news, I simply take the thing and no one can have it.

Other times I play 'positive mommy' and analyse what the problem is, offer other solutions and praise the children for making good choices in sharing.
*The latter happens less in my house, unfortunately**

Answer 7

Our sons are 9 and 10 and what we do is take away priviliges like video games and computer time until they stop fighting and apologize.

Answer 8

try seperating them, my sons do the exact same thing all the time!!!!!! i end up putting 1 in his room and the other in his room, it works as long as u stick to it