Did I do the right thing? What would you have done?

Question

I just had a big scene with my 4 year old at her day care center. My twins always stand at the fence to say good bye. When I got out there one of them had climbed up on the fence and the teacher was asking her to hop down. My daughter was yelling at her "no i'm staying right here". The teacher really wasn't doing much about it just kept asking her to hop down and tried to pick her up then my daughter started screaming at her. I was pretty angry that she was behaving so badly telling her if she didn't hop down I would take her home. When she didn't get down I told her I was coming back in to the center and if she wasn't down by the time I got there I was taking her home. When I got in there she was still on the fence so I made her say goodbye to her twin sister and say sorry to her teacher then I marched her out of the center. Once we got down the street a bit I got down on her level and explained that the rules are there to keep he safe and she can not behave like that or yell

at her teacher. I then asked her if she wanted to go back and she said yes so I told her I would take her back if she did as she was told and followed the rules and if she didn't she would not be allowed to go back. Once we got back I explained to the teacher that she has been told that if she didn't follow the rules her teacher would call me and I would came back and take her home. The teacher did not seem impressed with me for bringing her back. I can't help but feel she is thinking I am just another mum full of empty threats. Did I do the right thing? What would you have done.

Also I don't like her teacher and don't think she likes me or my kids too much either. She never says hi to us when we arrive though I here her talking to everyone else as they arrive. Also the she doesn't seem to get involved with the kids and just stands around talking to the other ladies that work there about her weekend. She never does as I ask e.g. make the kids eat their fruit before they can have their muesli bars (lunch box always comes home with the fruit left and no muesli bar). I felt she should have done more to assist with the fence climbing other than just saying hop down.

Answer 1

It's a 50/50. She is only 4, but she is 4! You have now explained the reason why she cannot stand on the fence and defined manners. If this does happen again though, you should just take her out there by the hand and quietly say "I guess this is the decision you have made". If she screams and cries, again say this was YOUR decision as I explained the consequences the first time it happened. Period, no negotiations. Also make sure 'home' is not an 'alone time with Mommy reward'.

Answer 2

To be honest, I don't think she was upset that you brought her back, I think she was upset that you used school/daycare and home as a punishment and reward. You really can't punish a child by taking them home, it is not going to be helpful to you in the long run once a child gets to the point where they would rather be at home. I think the teacher probably thought you bringing her home, was a reward for her, instead of making her follow the rules right away.
I know this is a day care, however you aren't punishing her by taking her out of what is a necessity for her and probably a necessity to you as well.You won't be able to do that when she gets to school, so you may need to find a different more creative tactic to help the girls obey the rules-or just leave and let the teacher handle it-As they can keep consistent wit their own methods in the environment they create. My mom runs a daycare, and sometimes children put up a fuss while the parents are there, and as soon as they leave they go and play. It's a sad fact, but sometimes the parents just gotta leav eand let the new authority take over.
Try rewarding the girls for being at daycare/school and making sure they obey you and th eteacher while in the same environment-Taking them home, will reinforce the behaviour in the long run-It means they won, and get to stay with mommy and didn't have to obey.

I hope this helps, It's just my assumption of what the teacher or daycare provider may be thinking.


Remember that it is the difference between punishment by taking away a meal or taking away a piece of cake for dessert...One is a neccessity and shouldn't be apart of punishments-while the other is a pleasure and isn't a necessity-and can be taken away. I think the provider was just thinking along those lines...that you were taking her from the situation she needed to learn to cope with.

gl

Once in real school, going home will be really harmful on them and even called suspension-you don't want her to learn to cope that way.

just my opinion tho-gl....

Answer 3

I agree with what others said about following through with taking her home--it was great that you gave an immediate consequence, but I think you should have taken her home, at least for the morning (maybe she could have come after lunch if her behavior at home improved, and after you explained the situation). Don't beat yourself up over it; hindsight is always 20/20, and you did what you thought was right at the time.

As for your concerns about the teacher, I have worked on a one-on-one basis with a child in a daycare (wraparound services with a separate agency), and I have seen some pretty bad situations with teachers. If you have legitimate concerns over this teacher, you should talk to other parents to see if they have observed the same, and if so, talk to the director. If you have observed the teacher doing more chatting to her coworkers than interacting with the kids, I would be concerned about that (if it happens repeatedly and isn't a one-time thing). If she does that when you're present, what is she doing when parents aren't there? I know teachers aren't perfect, nor can they be there all the time for every child, but they are being paid to interact with and teach the kids, not stand around chatting.

Answer 4

I think you did excellent! That was great cause and affect. Alot of parents would have stood there reasoning with the child. You took action and now your child knows, you do follow through. That was not an empty threat. You did what you said. You went in and took her away. Granted you did not take her home, but you did remove her from the situation and made a very strong point. I think you did excellent. The teacher cannot do much I dont' think... teachers are in such a perdiciment these days and can't really punish, especially in front of the parents! Also, she is being paid to watch BOTH children, so if she was annoyed that you brought one back, than that is her being unprofessional.

If she is not warm to your children, I would find a new place. I think you did amazing!

Answer 5

I run and in home and I have been a director of two Head Start Programs. The teacher should have stepped in and helped you and made your daughter get down. She could have put your child in time out at the day care center and you still could have talked to your daughter about the situation at that time. If you feel that you have a concern about the teacher I would talk with the director and see what satisfaction you get and what type of response. Being a director before and running a day care in my home I would rather know what type of concern my parents have than not know at all and it be talked about behind my back and give my day care or me a bad name.

Answer 6

I have 5 children and a 4 year olds have a short attention span so by the end of the day she wouldn't know what she was in trouble for, so I think you did the right thing and maybe need to look into a new center since the teacher sounds like someone you may not want teaching the twins or they could end up acting like her.

Answer 7

Hmm. I used to work at a daycare and I hated it because the other teahcers were jerks! The only reason that teacher was mad was because you brought your child back, and thats jsut one more kid to watch..Heaven forbid they have to do their job! I know that teachers do not like to disipline a child when their parents are around..Every day at 10:00 am my boss, the owner would get the attendance sheet and call the parents of the children who were not there just to see if they were coming, because she was a cheap **s and didnt want to pay an extra teacher to sit there with only a few kids that left us over ratio..Where we are ratio is...2 years and younger 4 kids to 1 teacher...2 years to 3 years was 8 kids to 1 teacher..and 3-4 years were 10 kids to 1 teacher and 5+ was 12 kids to 1 teacher..If we were like 2 kids over in the baby room she would send them out to the 2 year old room even if they were only 15 months old...Just so she could send 1 person home...So she would rather have had no extra teacher to help with filling in breaks and stuff just to save herself money..She was not in it for the kids but only for the money! As far as their lunch goes, she would not allow the children to bring their own lunches! And an example of the poor feeding that went on there was breakfast..half of ONE pop-tart...Yes I said 1/2! No morning snack....Lunch was 1 hot dog, 2 baby carrots and like 4 bites of fruit and about 3 ounces of milk....No seconds if the teahers wanted to eat...Bulls**t! The teachers there would rather feed themselves than those poor kids! Afternoon snack, 1 oreo and about 3 ounces of juice or water...Needless to say I totally got into it with the owner and I am no longer there...I know this is totally out there but to parents that have their kids in a daycare make sure you look into it alot and ask for refernces,,not just ones that currently go there...In our town that pre-school is the best one known, its said to be the best one...If thats how the best one is I wonder how all the others are!! You know what I mean..? Back on subject here, I think you did the right thing be removing her from the problem and then getting to her level and talking to her...Maybe next time she will remember that you wont tolerate it. Im sorry for going on about the daycare thing but I just want people aware of the fact that they can say the best but not be..Good luck

Answer 8

LOL!! You sound like me. William & Tobias has just had 2 weeks holidays. They go back this week.
We had no choice but to send them last Thursday as I had a hospital appointment. William carried on SO much. He wouldn't do as he was told or answer anyone. In the end I told him I would take him home if he didn't start behaving!!! He didn't think I would and completely ignored me.
Andrew went over and picked him up and took him to the car. He started crying and carrying on. I would have given in. Andrew dropped me off at the hospital and took him home.
When he came to pick me up William said he was sorry. Then we went back and got Tobias. He had a super fun day painting at school and William was really disappointed.
He has never carried on like that before, and I doubt he will again as his father drops him at school.
Our biggest problem we (well maybe just me) have been letting him walk all over us. I let him get away with too much lately because of all his ear & throat problems. Since we have taken holidays and I have been getting a break I am getting on top of things I am starting to bring him back into line.
I think it's just this pregnancy!! I am normally on top of everything, but at the moment I am drowning in things that need doing!!
Oh well. I would tell the director at your day care centre to make sure that your kids eat their fruit before their muesli bar. I am so glad that my kids school supplies their lunch. They have a chef on the premises. It is awesome. I wish she would cook my tea for me!!

Answer 9

Yes you did the right thing, also why are you still taking your twins to the daycare if you dont like their teacher, if i were you i would talk to the director of the daycare and explain the situation about your girls teacher, if she doesnt do anything, switch and go to a better daycare.

Answer 10

I think you were in the right!!! I would have done the same thing. It sounds like you got through to your daughter and thats all that really matters here. So just disregard the teachers looks and tell her that they are your children and you will parent them how you feel is fit!!