Do you work for a company like this.?

Question

EFFECTIVE NOV 1, 2007

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.



Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.



Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.



Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.



Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.



The Management

Answer 1

Yep is sounds like my company!

In fact, have you nicked this from our office wall!?

lol

Answer 2

I dont think it matters anymore.. I mean really.. when they want more they'll get it.. they'll get it all... because their money says so.. the politicians we elect say so.. what matters is how much will it take for THE MAJORITY to get piss*d enough to stop it.. and there will be only one way to stop it.. and thats by force.. it was done in the first American Revolution, and it will be done in the second..

Answer 3

Thank goodness no!

I like the bathroom one, I would be the one smiling=)

Answer 4

OMG my dad works at a place like that. :D
hahahaha (except the bathroo thing)
heres a star. :D

Answer 5

10/10 lol i like it but a bit long

Answer 6

Hahaha That was funny

Answer 7

No I don't. I have a dream job and I would never leave it.

Answer 8

must be a fast food restaurant

Answer 9

Very good he he he

Answer 10

brilliant i love it hahaha