Advice on my relationship?

Question

Okay... so basically, my boyfriend cheated on me before... like a couple of months ago, actually. We've had an off and on relationship since I turned 16. I'm now 18 and we have a one year old daughter together (please don't judge, I finished high school on time and am now in college; I'm also a great mom), so this makes this situation difficult.

I recently decided to give him another chance. Now he's being a lot more honest. The girl he had cheated on me with tried to pull something with him and he told her that he wasn't interested in her anymore, he's with me, etc. etc. I heard this from both parties.

Now the problem is... he talks to a lot of girls. He has more girl friends than guy friends. There's one from a different state that always calls him. One time he even shushed me when she called. He says there's nothing going on. I'm not sure what to believe.

My heart wants to stay with him because I love him and I have hope, but common sense says I should end it. What do you think?

When he shushed me, he did it before he answered the phone. I saw the caller ID, and heard her voice, but he lied and said it was his dad when he ended the call.

There's another thing I should add. He doesn't really tell others he's with me unless they ask. The only people that really know on his end is that girl he cheated with and one of his guys friends. The others know nothing. He said he doesn't feel the need to"advertise" our relationship. That girl who calls him all the time? She knows nothing. He claims he loves and cars for me. He even gave me a ring. Not engagement, but just a ring. I asked him how he'd feel if I didn't acknowledge him as my boyfriend to others. He dodged the question.

Answer 1

Most guys when they have matured realize when they are with a good woman and make the mature decision to cut of many so called "friends" b/c in actuality there arent that many friends in the WORLD- I not talking about someone you grow up with and have a near family tie to and you know that those friends should be rare and FEW...but many is an obvious red flag...it makes no sense for you to put yourself through unecessary emotional drama...besides you are both still very young and i know the child that you two have together puts you in each others life for the long haul...but even so thats no excuse to deny your own happiness and well being...b/c if he's not really being faithful as he claims thats risking your health and your life which in turn is risking the well being of your shild should anything happen to you on his account...my belief has always been and is when it comes to relationships--->If you have to ask then chances are you already know the answer... and dont go for I'm his #1 all oters are just whores b/c you dont want a relationship based on your giving him taking and then him giving that to whom ever elseand also honesty is only honesty when it's the full and complete truth openness and honesty are two different things...just b/c someone is open doesn't mean that they are being honest...and love is not your emotions being tossed around like waves of the sea is much more practical than we think ____ Seven months is still a honeymoon no matter how long you've dated a marriage requires a 50/50 sacrafice and compromise no more no less and it should require some change if a person is not changing for the better then they're not growing especially when in a serious commitment like a marriage--->

Answer 2

in all honesty, i would say that it is best to leave this person, only because the second chance is looking like its waring out, seeing that his honest appearance isn't that honest. if you were to debate this, try and think what makes the most sense in the long run. Will it be time wasted seeing it through, or will it be a complete misunderstanding and blow over? if the first time ended badly, why go through with it a second time? it of course doesn't make sense, and the only reason why it could is because you can't pick what your heart wants, but what your heart wants isn't always the best thing. You're going to have to see how this will affect you long term wise, and make a decision before its too late.

Answer 3

You know this guy and how he operates. For 18, you seem to know what's what and that unfortunately, he has some skeletons in the closet. He may not be mature enough to realize the he is also a father and that is "social" life should focus on you and his daughter. You know his other girlfriends couldn't give a rats *** about you. If you showed him the door there is a 50-50 chance he would leave. If he stayed, he would not change.

Answer 4

No, you should end the relationship. Stop getting back with him. He'll NEVER change. Did you see that? N-E-V-E-R. I don't want to be harsh, but I see this in my everyday life and the girls always think they don't have a choice, but you DO have a choice. He obviously doesn't respect you enough to be faithful, and has no regard for your feelings whatsoever. I know you love him, but you have to do what is best for you and the baby. The child does not need to grow up thinking it's ok to disrespect women that way.

The tough part about this though, is that he is the father of your child, and he will never really be out of your life. If you decide to go through with ending the relationship, you need to talk about how you are going to raise the child. If he just wants to visit every once in a blue moon and merely exist in the form of child support payments, than I don't see the point in him being apart of the child's life. It's really up to you, but if he doesn't respect you, your baby is going to pick that up from him and mistreat you as well.

Answer 5

Have faith until you have reason to doubt, then boot his butt to the curb and get an order for child support so your baby has a college fund. I have been married 14 years and can think of a couple times I have "shushed" my wife and it has nothing to do with who I was talking to, it had to do with not being able to hear what the person on the phone was saying.

Best of luck to you and your family, I hope it's all good.

Answer 6

I'll give you a good and trustworthy answer. i think that you sound like you are very close, and that he really does like you. You have to understand that YOU are the person he loves and has a child with. He would never leave you for some girl who he talks on the phone with from some other state. if you really are worried talk to him. But it sounds like you are the person he wants to stay with.

Answer 7

Do what you think is best. if you love him then stay with him...i understand you wouldnt want to end it because of your baby but [coming from a separated family myself] i dont think it would affect your child [as long as the father would visit often] as much as you being unhappy in a relationship for the rest of your life...but honestly you have to do what YOU want, dnt think about others for a moment and do you want to be with him anymore...we cant choose for you because we wont have to live with the decission. Gd luck =)

Answer 8

I feel for you, because I have been close enough to where you are to empathize with you. First, please do not apologize for having a child... you sound like you are taking care of her and that is all that matters, no the circumstances under which she was born. Now, on to the heart of your questions...

My husband cheated on me while we were dating the first time (for about 5 months). I knew he was a player, but I felt so much for him that I couldn't not be with him. We broke up when he cheated on me, but still remained close enough that if I were his girlfriend (which he didn't have one again until we got back together a year and half later) I would have been jealous. We both casually dated other people but always kept having that 'feeling' with each other (I feel the need to say we weren't having sex of any kind of that people won't say he was just after a booty call)... I realized that no matter what had happened, I was always going to be in love with him and to be with anyone else would be settling for less than the love I knew I deserved, but I also knew that I needed to see a change in him before we could be back together. While we were just friends, I saw a concentrated effort on his part to be more honest (as opposed to only being so if directly asked) and him mature. Still though, he had lots of girls that chased him (becuase he let them, not becuase there was anything wrong with them) and that called him. I told him that while I wanted to be with him (the whole time since we broke up the first time he maintained that he wanted to be with me), I knew I was too jealous to deal with all the girls. I saw a big cut back in communiation in the girls that were nothing but ex-booty calls and so after lots of talks and some dates and me truly seeing a change/maturity in is personality, we started dating again.. and 6 months later got married. We have now been married for 7 months and I could not be happier. He still has some girls that he talks to that annoys the **** out of me. There are times I feel like he uses the word 'friend' too freely and that just because you went on a date with someone does not mean you are friends... and I have also had to accept that my husband is a flirty person. It is his personality and he is one of those people that have a personaity that draws people in, both male and female. The turning point for me came when I realized that I truly believed that my husband would not cheat on me ever again. I believe with all my heart he learned from that mistake and because of it is even more determined to be with me. There are times that I have had to be really honest and just tell him 'I know this is stupid, but I am jealous of so and so' and we have talked about his interaction with that person. I had some friends tell me that we should not be together or not be happy that we were getting married, and I respect their opinions and love them for caring about me.. but ultimtaly I knew what I wanted.. and that was him, imprefections and all. It IS possible for people to change!

My advice to you would be to give it a chance as long as you do have hope. Talk to him about setting up some 'communication rules' (like no shushing!..which could have only been because he couldn't hear her voice over yours, but it would make me upset too!) that make you feel more comfortable. Don't stay with him just becuase of your daughter, stay with him becuase you can't imagine being with anyone but him, or don't stay with him at all...

Hope my long rambling helps some what! :]

Answer 9

honestly, i think you need to work on trust issues (both of you, not just you!). i wouldnt be comfortable with him talking to other girls if he's already cheated either... But since you have a baby together, i think you should try to work it out, if you can! If you want to take more, shoot me an email. i'm 20 and a mom of 2 :)

Answer 10

One thing that makes life real:

History repeats itself.

Just wanted to state the truth. It's what I do.

If he really loved you, he would not have cheated in the first place.

Love has to come from both hearts.