I have 3 children. Two girls 9 and 4 and a son 8.Beautiful, smart, kind, respectful children they all are for the most part, but my son has a problem with lying and stealing. He has had this problem since 4. He takes food mostly,but has stolen 100.00$ from me once and I think he takes my change out of my wallet.His father has been in his life on and off.He lived with him after I gave birth to my youngest due to money issues and was separated from me and the girls.I know this made him sad and angry that he was left behind.The stealing didn't start until after this but he doesn't do this when in his custody, but he wasn't a happy child with him and his father lacked parenting skills like washing clothes, doctor visits, good diet, and personal hygiene so I took our child back after two months and he has been with me every since, no matter what I do he steals and lies.But not when my soldier husband is home, but he is deployed now and it is worst. I want to give up, but i love him.HELP?
2007-11-11 08:22:03 · 14 answers · asked by Christina S 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
If you're sure that his stealing is directly linked to the absence of his father, then you should enlist the help of a positive male role model for your son. You can do this through actual organizations like Big Brother/Big Sister, you can ask for a buddy system through his school (a high school student visiting with him once a week), or you can ask some other men in your life for help (uncles, grandfathers, cousins, etc.). Your son needs to see that real men don't steal, but most importantly, he needs to simply be around men. He's old enough to begin processing his emotions, and he's doing it in a negative way. You need to counteract that by finding positive ways to help him.
This may have NOTHING to do with it, so pardon me if I'm way off the mark, but if he's black (I'm going by your avatar picture), that may be playing a part as well. I had a very intelligent black boy in my class last year who began stealing, lying, and manipulating EVERYONE. It turns out he was having some serious identity issues with being a black male. He was smarter than most of the kids in his grade (I'd say lightyears smarter than everyone with regards to finding others' weaknesses), but he was especially much smarter than the other black boys in the grade. He wanted to identify with them but found it difficult. He even talked about trying to rub off the color on his skin. He was also starting to process the fact that his biological parents weren't in his life (even though he lived in a loving 2-parent home). One thing that helped him turn a corner was by reading books by the black author Christopher Paul Curtis and then actually getting to meet him in person. He was able to see that being a black man was a good thing, and that being an intelligent black man was an even better thing. He's not completely healed of the emotional pain, but he IS doing better now that the adults in his life are aware of what he's feeling.
Get your son some counseling of some sort, even if it means just speaking with the school's guidance counselor on a regular basis. Find positive male role models for him to spend time with. Keep on loving him, and most importantly, don't give up on him! This is a really important time in his life developmentally, so what you do know will have a life-long impact on him. Best wishes!
2007-11-11 09:14:59 · answer #1 · answered by elizabeth_ashley44 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I don't have an answer for you but all I can say is the 8 year old little boys can be hard to put on track. My son is also 8, he doesn't do what yours does, but I can't get him to do anything that he doesn't really want to do (from homework to brushing his teeth), and he doesn't put much effort into work at school either. All I can tell you is that I have tried: reasoning with him, applying rewards or/and punishments, spanking, shouting, nagging, sitting down with him to do his tasks, ignoring him while doing his tasks, well everything and anything I can think of, but nothing works, he is not motivated to do what he doesn't want to do. If I were you I would enlist professional help, someone who has studied similar situations, and can give you some pointers on how to effectively handle an 8 year old boy. That's what I'm going to do!
2007-11-11 11:03:24 · answer #2 · answered by lampost blues 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ugh, all these "call the police" ideas are ridiculous. You are the parent, not the cops. At least you are being responsible in recognizing the problem and asking for help and you also recognize he hasn't had the ideal childhood and of course, that is contributing to his issues.
Call Lutheran Social Services or Catholic Charities and inquire about free counseling. Call the Boys club or other organizations also someone will be able to point you in the right direction.
You're a good Mom and you will help him get the guidance he needs.
2007-11-11 11:19:43 · answer #3 · answered by BlueSea 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if this will work for you, but my mom made a deal with me when I was 8 years old. She took me out with her all alone(without my brothers), and we had a mom and me day. It was great. As we were finishing our day together, she told me how she needed my help. That every thing was so hard right now. We needed to have trust between us, to take some of the load off. We struck up a deal that day. If I would promise to never lie to me, she would always believe me. This was a big day for me, because any time that anything happened I always got the blame, even if it wasn't me. This deal was an absolute dream for me. I am now 34 years old and haven't lied to mom yet.
2007-11-11 12:08:53 · answer #4 · answered by Amanda T 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you have insurance? Consider taking him to a counselor or a therapist if your insurance covers it. Your regular doctor should be able to refer you to someone good.
Kids steal for different reasons; for fun or for the thrill, they are bored, or because they really want whatever they are stealing. Sit him down and ask him why he steals. Maybe he does it because he just doesn't know any better and you need to tell him the consequences - he could get in trouble with the police, he could go to jail (not at 8 years old but he doesn't know that. Plus if it continues he WILL go to jail), and you'd be really disappointed in him.
If you know anyone who is a cop they could help you out too. They could show him around the jail or have him talk to someone who got in trouble for stealing. You could also have him talk to a store owner. That person could explain what they do to people who steal.
2007-11-11 08:42:45 · answer #5 · answered by Due March 9th, 2010 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
This might not be the greatest example but, steal stuff from him that's really important to him, and then lie about it later. Once he gets the, point, he will be less likely to steal, or it could just backfire.
2007-11-11 09:45:08 · answer #6 · answered by queenofstringtheory 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
give him a reality check and have a police officer come talk with him and take him to a juvinille detention center so he gets the idea what stealing could do to his life
2007-11-11 11:53:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be a scare tactic, but call the police. He is old enough to face the consequences of his actions. He knows right from wrong, he just choses not to follow the rules. He needs the scare tactic NOW before he gets older and steals from stores and gets caught.
Good luck.
2007-11-11 08:30:31 · answer #8 · answered by mommymystic 4 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Send him to juvi. He'll be so scared he will never commit a crime again
2016-01-01 11:05:45 · answer #9 · answered by Jorge 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have him give you all his money and or his big sister well take it. or every time he lies pretend to put something very close to him in the trash. Just don't put like something that he sleeps with in the trash or a pic of is dad. see if you can get your husband to talk to him and tell him its danger.
2007-11-11 09:32:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋