How should I let my cousin know that I don't want to hear about it anymore?

Question

My cousin has been married for 3 years to a man that has not been able to keep a job longer than a few months. During her pregnancy, she supported him, working two jobs and attending college while he sat on his butt. Their son is now 1 and she has been living back at her parents house for the past 2years while he has been in and out of jail. She recently confided in me that her husband was unfaithful to her and as a result she contracted chlamydia from him during her pregnancy. I listened to her and hugged her while she cried like so many other times when he has let her down. Two weeks later he got out of jail and they were "back together" even though they still live seperately and he does not provide for his child. She has made it very clear to me and our entire family that no matter what he does, she loves him. I have accepted that she has chosen to be treated this way. How can I politely tell her that I no longer wish to hear about their ups and downs?

Thanks for all the answers guys! I'm going to put an end to it.

Answer 1

"I love you and care about you, but when you continually tell me how poorly that you are treated and continue to subject yourself to it... it just worries me too much. If you are willing to continue with this relationship, I'd appreciate it if you do not confide in me anymore. If you decide that you want to make changes, I'd be glad to help you. If you decide to stay in this destructive relationship, please don't worry me with it anymore."

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Just tell her how it makes you feel, It's called using you as her dumping ground, she walks away having vented, and you sit there with the bag of garbage. If nothing changes nothing
changes, We don't get different results by doing the same thing over and over again, if we want different results.
I recently went through this with a life long friend, my honesty of my feelings, she brought the friendship to an end, which
saddened me for several weeks, still does when I think about it. But her life will drag you down, and become toxic to each other, if thats all there is to share. It's a dead end. good luck.

Answer 4

Just tell her that your sorry about what is going on in her life, but you can't sit around and listen to her get treated like crap! Tell her that you love her, but you just don't want to hear it anymore. That no matter what you'll always be there for her, but not if she isn't going to listen to you. Its like wasting your time and her time because nothing good is going to come from you talking to her. good luck

Answer 5

She is a drama queen and there is no way you will come out of this without being a horrible person in her eyes.

If you really do not want to hear it anymore, be prepared to not have her in your life. Sounds to me like that would not be all that bad.

Answer 6

It's simple to utter the words, but difficult to let your emotions get in the way.

I empathize.

Clearly he contracted his chlamydia in prison. Thank goodness it wasn't HIV. You have to be thankful for that.

About her marriage: Any children your cousin has with this man will undeniably learn their father's ways~~by example. Not working, going to jail, careless sex acts/infidelity. I hate to say it, but your cousin is choosing to play the victime role. I am sorry, but it's her fault as much as it is her husband and guess who pays the biggest price? You guessed it, the child(ren). A terrible shame.

My sister in-law is married to a man, has been for 25 years. Of those 25 years, he's worked for 3 of them. My sister in-law supports the family of four on 1900/mo. She's a receptionist. Just high school. Husband is a drop out, went to juvy many moons ago and learned how to con people for money, especially his family and including his own mother.

Well, old habits die very very hard. The two daughters, my nieces by marriage, have learned from this. They are both in their twenties. I'll tell you what the eldest does. She gets into a relationship with a dead beat~~no job~~no high school diploma/GED~~a thug. Gets pregnant by him twice~~is on welfare but can barely pay for her two children on her retail wage. The thug, of course, doesn't pay child support AND he has an older child by another woman. So, this makes three kids for this thug that he's happy to make, but fails to take care of. Joy, joy....

The other girl (niece) enjoys starting fist fights with family members that she dislikes at weddings, and takes pleasure in attempting to wiggle her way out of being held accountable when the cops arrive. She has her dad's Irish hot temper and a mouth that can go on forever. You need earplugs when you're in the company of this ***clearing my throat*** "woman". That's not all, she's a paramedic. How this happened, I am sure I don't know. Anyway, thank goodness these jokers are only my in-laws and not related to me by blood.

My advice to you, moving right along with my novel, would be to tell her flat out: "I am choosing not to be subjected to your situation. I am choosing not to further discuss the issues and I suggest that you consult a marriage counselor." That's it!!! That's all you have to say. She'll obviously be hurt, mad, offended, but you have rights to your sanity, happiness and well-being. Besides, this is a job for a professional. Unless you can claim the position as marriage counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist or any of the aforementioned, write her off to a professional who can better advise her. My advice is not for her, it's for you. My concern lies with you. Save your mental well-being and cut her loose. She's not being fair to you by using you as a doormat for her troubles. These people are classified as emotional drains. They refuse to get help, yet they drain other people of their energy by listening to their shameful crap. Tell her to move on so that you can, too.

Good luck.

Answer 7

lol , I mean her situation is not funny but, I can imagine your eye rolling as she showers you with her story. Well, I don't hae a cousin that has same issue, but I would take her to a movie or something so she can focus on the movie instead.

Answer 8

Personally, I would simply tell her, her life choices are her own. She can simply choose to deal with it and shut up, or do something about it by moving on with her life. Her choice, however until she decides to do something different you choose not to hear the same old, same old. over and over again. God bless****

Answer 9

Just say this: "You're my cousin and I love you dearly but I no longer want to be privy to every little detail of what goes on in your marriage." Then change the subject.

Answer 10

You should take her out to lunch one day and lay it out. Say, "Look, honey, you know I love you but you're hurting yourself and your children by staying in this relationship."

Explain to her that while you love her, you want her to be happy and her children to grow up being loved and in a healthy environment. Tell her that if she chooses to stay with Mr. X that you will continue to love her but that she is CHOOSIING misery and you don't think she has a right to complain about something she has chosen.