What do you think about this? My partner (we are married) went out on Saturday with girlfriends midday and didnt get back til 10pm. She spent all today in bed. She didnt even discuss it first just said she was going out (she has already been out twice this week)
So i had to look after our child all weekend and have had no time with wife at all
I said to her you should spend most time with the one you love ie me, but she wouldnt listen
I am the only earner in our house so work all week just to have weekend with the family and wife - she doesnt work and also we have a full time nanny
is it only me that thinks this is unreasonable?
2007-11-11 05:49:59 · 38 answers · asked by peter w 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
to answer one question, i give her cash into her account every week direct debit, as she doesnt work. shes tried to find work a few times but no-one will employ her. she hardly tries though, she also isnt trying to drive or learn english, or teach our child anything, or cook
2007-11-11 05:59:51 · update #1
all she does really is plan her nights out (without me), buy clothes, and download and watch films
2007-11-11 06:03:33 · update #2
i havent let her get away with it, it has just started since we got the full time nanny (which was meant to give her time to start working )
2007-11-11 06:07:16 · update #3
No she's not a mail order bride lol - we met on holiday
2007-11-13 05:19:06 · update #4
Peter, I just red what everyone wrote yesterday... it seems to me that you make it a bit too easy for her. Giving her time off from childcare and housekeeping is fine, but relieving her from all duties isn't. The way you describe her behaviour makes me think of a teenager!
I would change the full time nanny into a nanny that comes in when your partner has a job interview or a doctors appontment, or eventually starts taking english classes.
She should have tasks around the house and the family. She should be able to have an evening out (hopefully with the girls) but not more than once or twice a month. If more going out is required it should be done with YOU!!
If you love her, make her a serious part of you family. At the moment it seems that she is playing with everybody's happiness...
All the best!
Now that's what I wrote is from yesterday thinking that she might have an affair: Was she depressed today? Why did she not come out of her bed? Are you sure about her going out with female friends? Or might she lie about it and get her friends to cover up for her? Does she show affection towards you? How is your sex life? Less than ever?
If she is in love with you and the child she should WANT to spend the weekends together.
If she is in love with someone else she is after his/her company, wanting to spend time with him/her.
Observe her and try to find out if it's just a bored housewife looking for girlie fun or if she is seeing someone else.
2007-11-11 06:06:34 · answer #1 · answered by julesloveslife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife does need some time to herself with her friends. If it happens to come one a weekend once in awhile then it does. I'll bet she still spends most of her free time at home when you add up the hours. Make sure you have your own hobbies too, and go out yourself. (not to find other women) It is good if a couple spends some time apart, and some together. Don't make her feel bad about it. If you think she is having an affair, then that may be something to address. But it is unreasonable to expect her to spend all of your free time with you. Her friends are probably only free on the weekends. Don't give her a reason to want to run from you. Be more independent, supportive, and she will naturally want to spend time with you.
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Is she a mail order bride? She doesn't know english? How did you get to know each other (unless you know her language) If she is a mail order bride, you deserve every momment of this and more. That's the consequences. Live with it.
2007-11-11 05:56:24 · answer #2 · answered by Susan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess you didn't know if you give us an inch we will take a mile.There is alot more to this story then your telling us,like how long you two been marriage,is she alot younger then you,did you get her from another country etc,etc,etc.
The little you did tell us makes her out to be a pretty bad wife and mother all in all not a very nice person. She sounds cold hearted and very spoiled by you. You need to take away the nanny and stop putting money in her account. If she doesn't have money to go out or a nanny that takes care of the child she will have to stay home where she belongs.
Have you ever cheated on her or do you go out yourself without her.What do you think her reason is for acting the way she is,could she be making a statement.
2007-11-11 08:51:25 · answer #3 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a babysitter for the weekend. When she says she is going out, tell her you surprised her by getting a babysitter and you are going to join her. Maybe she is just going overboard with her new found freedom. I'm not sure how long she has been at home with your child before the nanny came into the picture, but if it was a very long time period, maybe she just needs some time out of the house. If she doesn't want you to accompany her then there might be something else going on or maybe she is just really angry with you for some reason. I wouldn't let this go on much longer. Make it your business and find out what is going on. Good Luck.
2007-11-11 06:55:13 · answer #4 · answered by Rivergirl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What i think of this is that you have allowed her to do this from the beginning and now you want her to stop. she went out on Saturday with Friends midday and came back at 10pm she spent all day in bed she didn't want to talk about it. she had been out twice this week, you had to take care of the baby all weekend had no time with her at all. you told her she should spend time with the one she loves, you go to work and she doesnt, you want just one weekend to spend with your famiily you have a nanny for the child. I dont think your being unreasonable to want to have a weekend with your family,
You need to put your foot down and mean what you say.
She needs to take time out for you and her child as well she is a married woman and a mother.
best of luck
2007-11-11 06:04:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
both of you are supposed to have time alone with friends (so you don't get tired of each other) but she should take into consideration that you are the only earner in the house therefore you are the reason she can go out on the weekends... she should also note that that is your time to be with your family and have girls night some other time... but maybe you should look into a babysitter so you both can have alone time (together or with friends) b/c being the full time nanny that is the only time she has to go out... you both need to look at the others wants and wishes... get a babysitter it will help... (and if you don't trust people easily they make "nanny cams" in like teddy bears or picture frames...)
2007-11-11 05:57:46 · answer #6 · answered by trustmeimaliar 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if she is not working she doesn't need a nanny, Wait until she gets the job to hire a nanny. a happily married women doesn't leave her family and go out with friends, if shes not cheating she soon will be. u need to talk to her and make her more accountable. sounds as if she is bored with married life and the responsibilities, she sounds selfish and immature. marriage is a two way street, where u want to spend time with your spouse, and if u don't theres some kind of problem going on.
2007-11-11 08:23:37 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that fact that you are the only worker is complicating this issue. i feel that she is entitled to some time by herself during the weekend, but that she may have gone a little overboard this weekend by leaving abruptly and not coming home for a long time.
realize, that your goal isn't to control or guilt your wife into spending time with you, but just to spend time together. so, for next weekend, plan something to do together. that way, you are both on the same page. so perhaps, you will make sundays strictly for family. start a tradition (like brunch every sunday) or try something new every few weeks (like a couple's massage).
plan something in advance and ask her if she would like to join you early in the week before she makes plans with friends. realize, that her friends may work during the week and perhaps the weekend is the only time she has to socialize. so, don't try to jeopardize her all wknd. make sundays your days together and be open about your plans and your desire to be with her.
also, watching your OWN child isn't a chore. if it's such a burden to you, then have nanny do it, but you really should have used that opportunity for some one on one time.
2007-11-11 05:58:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well I think it's enough normal that anyone wants to have its own space, but it's also true that maybe a wife should spend her weekend with her husband and her children... You know I think she's just a little stressed... maybe she wants to have some time for her... try to tell her, you just want to stay with your wife, and you'd like to spend the time you don't have to work with her..... I'm sure everything will be ok... Good luck!
kisses
2007-11-11 06:01:55 · answer #9 · answered by ° • ● foxy ● • ° 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that you consider that she has some sort of problem that she is not dealing with. It may not be personal toward you or your child. Try sitting down with her and ask her... and then LISTEN.. try to read between the lines because I would be worried about her..
I disagree with all the people saying that you should be suspicious and follow her, etc.
If there is a problem... seek a solution ... not a inquisition.
2007-11-11 05:59:30 · answer #10 · answered by Bentley 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋