Is this ok formy bridal consultant to do?!?

Question

I called the place i bought my dress from this morning to check to see if my bridesmaid that is MIA has called, showed up, anything. Nothing...the consultant told me the dresses HAVE TO BE ORDERED THIS WEEK!!!!! So i got upset because this one bridesmaid was supposed to meet us last week and she didn't, no call no show basically (she lives fairly close to the shop). Anyways...they've got all the girls phone numbers, The consultant said she was going to call her and give her a 'courtesy' call saying the dresses have to be ordered this week, if need be we'll go ahead and order without her but she needs to catch up quickly if she's gonna be in the wedding, otherwise all the girls will have to pay a 20 dollar rush fee and the seamstresses will require more as well.

This is the same bridesmaid that told me i had six months and to calm down....I explained that to the lady on the phone and she was like "No honey, these dresses will take three months to come in....

plus we'll also be dealing with prom and summer weddings at the time (im getting married in april)

i don't know what to make of it...im afraid it's gonna piss off my bridesmaid

i have called her, i've called and called i even left two voicemails for her last weekend when she was supposed to meet us at the dress shop!

the dress is 99 dollars and if she can't afford it she should tell me!! I had a girl drop out because she couldn't afford it and i understood...i've changed the dress three times and each time she's whined telling me she didn't like it...i can't please everyone i know this..but she's the only girl that hates the dresses i pick.

i just want to clarify something ...i realized it sounded a little off...my bridal consultant at the dress shop not my wedding planner.

regina..the store told me dresses had to be ordered this week...i think they're gonna put the order in on friday...she got married so she should know what a wedding is like...more than likely if things fall through with this girl....there will not be a spot as our sides were uneven..and if she's out we're even ;)

Answer 1

First of all, don't panic. This is the *exact* same thing I went through less than 3 months ago. Some of my girls had never really been part of a wedding before, and a few had no idea that you have to be fitted and order your dresses months in advance. They thought they had *plenty* of time, when in fact it was 2 weeks until they would have to pay $50 extra for rush shipping.

Your bridesmaid could have multiple reasons for being flaky (busy with school/work, is jealous, reason x) but the most likely reason is plain ignorance. She has no idea about the timeframe.

Get your MOH to do the dirty work here. This is her job. Tell her to follow up with this girl, and get the shop to call her as well. *Make sure to mention that she will pay an additional late fee*. That usually motivates people. You should also call her yourself and see if perhaps she cannot afford the dress. Find out if she is having financial problems. Offer to pay if you can afford it, and offer her an easy out. My friend is on mat leave with her second child, and money is tight. I'm paying for her gown, because I really want her in my wedding, and it's not her fault she cannot afford to be in it.

You should be fine. My girls dresses just came in, and it's 6 weeks before the wedding. That's usually plenty of time for alterations.

If within the next week or 2 no one has heard from her, then take it as a sign she is not going to be part of your wedding, for whatever reason. Then cut your losses and move on.

EDIT: In that case, kick her to the curb! And don't lose any sleep over it. P.S. It is rude of her to say she didn't like the dresses you picked. It is YOUR wedding, after all.

Answer 2

Hi:

YES!! I think this is perfectly acceptable for your bridal consultant to do.

~ I would definitely order the dresses this week. It is not fair to the others to have to put in a rush order because of 1 MIA bridesmaid.

~ It sounds to me like (a) your MIA bridesmaid maybe has second thoughs of being in the wedding? or (b) is jealous and is trying to make your life miserable.

~ If she does not respond to the bridal consultant's message, and she still doesn't come in to be measured...you may just have to cancel her from the wedding.

~ I think you are being extremely generous in the dress you have picked at such a reasonable price.

~ One more option would be to AGAIN (I know you already have) call her, or leave her a voice mail, or a text message, or an email....and simply ask her if she still would like to be a bridesmaid? If she doesn't respond to you OR the lady at the dress shop.....well, then....you have your answer!

Good luck!

Answer 3

Do the courtesy call....just do it politely. "I'm the wedding planner for X wedding. I wanted to call and let you know we will be ordering the dresses on X date. They must be ordered by X in order to come in time for the wedding. After that day the shop is going to charge a rush fee of at least $20. If you cannot get your dress on time for the weddin I'm sure Mary will understand, just please let us know since without the dress you cannot be part of the bridal party".

Who knows. Maybe this bridesmaid can't afford the dress and doesn't want to say anything. Maybe she is holding out to find it cheap on Ebay or something.

Whatever her excuse is take the rest of the girls and order the dresses. Leave hers out. (If you order it "for" her and she decides to back out it's YOUR bill). Don't punish the other girls who are doing everything on time because one bridesmaid is dragging her feet. The rush fees or looking stupid because her dress isn't as well fitted as the others are hers and hers alone.

Answer 4

I think the last question you wrote about this same girl was about a week ago. I'm surprised that she hasn't stepped up to the plate since then. I really think that you need to reconsider your choices for a bridesmaid, because it sounds like she wants nothing to do with the wedding, and she's just causing you extra stress. I think you need to find someone else quick-so she can order her dress at the same time as the others, or just give up on having a certain number of them, and give up on her. Honestly, I wouldn't stand for this. Being a bridesmaid is about caring about the couple, and helping out the bride whenever possible, not to mention just being her friend! The dress really has little to do with anything except that she will be wearing it as a symbol of her being supportive of your marriage, and of you as a friend.
My best friend from high school is getting married probably May of 2009 (They just got engaged and haven't set an official date yet). I am so excited to help her out, and am chomping at the bit to help her try on wedding gowns and with all the rest of the details. It makes me sad that your friend isn't the same way.
I'm sorry but since she's causing you so much stress, I'd get rid of her asap. Imagine all of the stuff you could be doing instead of stressing about her and her being selfish.
Give her one last courtesy call, but line up another maid or give up on her spot in general. It won't be worth it in the long run for you to spend as much time as you have worrying about this girl. She should be worrying about you.

Answer 5

Call her yourself- if you're close enough with her to ask her to stand up with you when you get married then you should be comfortable enough to call her. Tell her that she had to go this week, explain the extra fee. Give her a deadline that is one day before the last day and tell her that if she doesn't go, you are going to be forced to order without her. Then you have one day to order without her, if it comes to that.

If she agreed to be in your wedding, then she agreed to participate. It is not too much to ask a bridesmaid to order her dress on time. If she can't do that, she's not much of a friend, frankly.

I don't know what your relationship with this person is, but it sounds to me like she's not very committed. You probably won't hear much from her after the wedding.

Answer 6

As the owner of "For You" Event Consulting & Catering Services, I would recommend that you give the bridesmaid one last phone call and if she doen't get the dress ordered by the deadline date, then she needs not to be part of your wedding part.

She accepted this responsibilty and she now needs to do her part. From experience, I know that if the dresses are not ordered together, they can and will come from different dye lots and not match.

Also it is just fine for the store to give her a call as well. April is a busy month, and I would have my dress order in by the end of the month to assure proper delivery and alteration time.

If you have any other questions, please feel free to contact me at [e-mail] or on the web at www.foryouecc.com

Thanks,

Deb

Answer 7

I'm sorry to hear that ...I think you should speak to your friend let her know how u feel and tell her to try to understand you ..that you are not only dealing with the dresses but way more other this and need all the time that you can get . Explain to her that you would like to get one thing done before you start another one and need to get the dresses thing and if she cannot be in the wedding and is willing to do what your asking her then to let you know cause you only got 6 months to get someone else...plain and simple. Good luck....

Answer 8

Your bridesmaid is being quite selfish. Most dress shops need 3-6 months to get in the gowns and have them fitted. Her dragging her heels and wanting things to happen on HER time is causing you unecessary stress and costing you money.

I agree with the "courtesy call". She's an adult. She needs to get in there on time. If she's a no show yet again I might reconsider her position in the wedding.

Answer 9

honey, this is YOUR wedding... do NOT be afraid to uspet her. she is being selfish, rude, and causing unnecessary stress. Cut her out...dont even give her the option. Order the dresses and cut your loses. you dont need someone like that anyway.

Answer 10

u need a new bridesmaid she obveously isn't that interested in it add she might be jealous and want to crash the wedding
hope things work out