What to do when children misbehave in public with grandparents and then parents dont take responsibility?

Question

My mother took my nephew and niece out skating with her girl scout troop. However, when they arrived he wasnot allowed in because no "tag alongs" were permitted, it was "Girl Scouts Only" permitted that night, they rented the place out, which my mother wasnt aware of. So she was going to leave my niece there with her friends and troop and take my nephew out to that game room/pizza parlor Chuck E Cheese. he LOVES Chuck E Cheese so this seemed a reasonable alternative to her.
However, my nephew proceeded to put his hands to his head, shaking his head, SCREAMING at the top of his lungs. Inconsolable. My mother had to drag him out of the skating facility. Once in the car he carried on a while more, then my mom talked to him about how inappropriate his behavior was, embarassing etc etc. Later his mother wasnt upset with him. She said "well he DOES like skating". Said my mom shldnt have taken him on the wrong night. HUH?? Am I crazy? He acts this way and is never his fault.
Advice?

I forgot to add he is 9 1/2 years old. I think he is entirely to old for public fits. Im really upset my sister isnt doing anything about this behavior. He doesnt necessarily have "public fits" or "tantrums", but, he does have a history of what is, in my opinions, generally spoiled child behavior. when I mention it to my sister she makes excuses for him, saying, well i can understand his disappointment, or saying he was disappointed and he has a right to react or express himself...

How can u deal with a family member, in this cae my sister, who allows their child to behave in such ways, and yet expects us to watch him, take him places, etc etc

Answer 1

Yea he is a little old for that behavior, and seems a bit spoiled, however he's your sister's child and she has the right to raise him however she see's fit, if you've already talked to her about it, and expressed your concerns, then there is really not much else you can do, other than not take him places and explain to her why you aren't taking him.

Answer 2

This is so not any of your business. Your sister should have known that this was Girl Scout night, not your mother. And your mother should have taken him straight home. While alittle over the top, I can see that your 9yr old nephew was probably disappointed and upset. He shows poor impulse control, but he's a 9yr old for petes sake.

Your sister however has no excuse for not protecting her son. She is the parent and it sounds very much like she was setting him up, and possibly your mom.

I think your mom should expect to discipline her grandchildren when the parent isn't present, and you discipline a 9yr old by removing him/her from what they want. Tell her next time, drive him straight home, end of story. And its up to your mom to have a backbone with the kids mom. I'm going to bet your sister knew exactly what she was doing.

You, on the other hand, need to really stay out of it.

Answer 3

No, you are not crazy by any means. Mom needs a wake up call and that will come when he is 11-13 years old and totally out of control.

Here is a thought: Negative attention is better than no attention. This is how he is thinking, this is how all children think.

Think about it. He threw a fit when he was around other children. G'ma was giving attention to someone else, whether it was another adult or child, it does not matter. Your nephew started to scream, G'ma gave this negative attention, her attention. When she pays attention to this kind of behavior, she is fueling the fire.

He got what he wanted. After he calmed down, did she take him to Chuck E Cheese? (I hope not)
The appropriate reaction to negative behavior is to not give them attention. You can look at them and say, 'When you can talk to me, than I will pay attention to you.' After that do not give them anymore attention until you get the behavior you want.
If this is the way he reacts with G'ma, she needs to change her ways to the above, because your nephew knows how to 'work it'.

It is mom's problem when he is with mom.

Answer 4

If his mom won't take a stand then you and the grandma need to. Explain to him (and he is old enough to understand) that if the behavior he exhibits continues, he will NOT be going on outings with you. Do this in the presence of his Mom. If that does not work, and this behavior continues in public, take him to the car and just crack him a couple of times and take him home.

Answer 5

your children will grow up to get whatever they want if you let them control you. you have to start to set them strait. there's timeout, groundings(only if it's really bad or constant), ban them from something like their favorite toy if they do it again, or what my dad likes to do(and i don't) write sentances. here you could tell him to write "I will not scream in public, disrespect my elders, or throw tantrums when i don't get my way" like 25, 50 , as many times as needed and then when their done you go over to the trash can and yes i know this is a waste of paper but tell him to rip it up and throw it away.

Answer 6

Take him home and scream at him for misbehaving. Or use the very most threatening voice you have to tell him if he acts badly again, so-and-so will happen. Give me thumbs down if you want, people, it usually works.

Answer 7

this child has not learned coping skills and should not be put into situation he can not cope with and expect to act like an adult. some of this is not his fault, its his parents.
its doesn't have to be anyone else's issue. just stop bringing him places. limit his world to one he can cope in. it's that simple.

Answer 8

When she 'expects' you to watch him ( or asks you to) Simply and firmly say 'No I cannot do that'. Period. No explanation since she doesnt listen to you anyway.

Answer 9

Tell her that you wont look after her kids if she doesn't do anything about sorting their behavioural problems out.