Did I say something wrong..?

Question

At a new job I am starting we are getting the choices of different colors for our uniforms..

well one of the guys is a black man.. He wants to wear a beige color jacket. I thought it looked cute and told him that I thought it was nice that a black man could wear any color of the rainbow and make it look good..

The guy thought (or acted like it) it was nice that I said that.. But the other people in the room thought it was in bad taste.

was it. Did I say something wrong.. ?

Answer 1

I don't think you said anything wrong, I probably would have said the same thing, but people are really judgemental in the workplace these days. It wasn't necessarily that they thought what you said was wrong - I think maybe they are just acutely aware that if there were any "backstabbers" in earshot of what you said, someone who thought they could get you into trouble for what you said might just take the opportunity to do so. They maybe were just putting themselves in your shoes and thinking to themselves, " I never would have said that if I were her."

You were just thinking you were helping to break the ice and make some conversation - so what you said really wasn't wrong. You certainly didn't say anything that could be considered a racial slur or anything. Sometimes, though, we have to be careful what we say about others, especially when in a group setting - saying something about someone's appearance may be meant as a compliment, but it also can make someone feel self-conscious about themselves, and that's not good. In today's world, people of all types of backgrounds are thrown together into various group settings. Commenting on each others personal appearance can sometimes be a sensitive issue. It sounds like you're in a group that has been around long enough to become aware of this.

The others could see things from a different viewpoint, and maybe they were just looking out for you - I can't say this for sure, since I wasn't there - just trying to offer some constructive ideas and food for thought, so to speak. It seems like a good thing that they let you know how they feel, instead of feeling that way and not saying anything, don't you think? It's like they're including you in how they feel. Friends and co-workers look out for each other.

It really doesn't sound like a big deal, right? Just learn and grow with the group you're in. In the future, try and see how some in your group might be more talkative outside of work and not in the workplace - it might be an eye opener.

When in the workplace, people are always trying to get ahead, and some ambitious types will do just about anything, including putting others down because of how they act and / or what they say. So it's sometimes good to sometimes limit what you say and / or try and make what you say conform to the group's thought. This sometimes doesn't paint a very pretty picture of the workplace (they don't call it a "rat race" for nothing), but it could shed some light on this situation.

Well, hope all this helps, good luck at work!!!

Answer 2

I suppose some might think, "and a white man can't?". It isn't a terrible thing, but probably a comment that didn't need to have been made in the presence of people you don't know well.
Additional: in the future it would probably be a better idea to say, "You could wear any color jacket and make it look good". That is a compliment, and no one would think a thing about it.

Answer 3

Nah, you were probably just in a room with a bunch of people that want to judge you because they thing they are the "PC Police". i have gotten the same look when I have called my best friend the nickname Ebony, funny thing is she calls me Ivory so there obviously is nothing for people to cringe about. What you said was complimentary, and no different than telling someone that a blouse complimented their skin tone. I wouldn't worry about it.

Answer 4

No, as long as you didn't act like you were surprised he could wear that color since he was black, it was a compliment. I agree, most dark skin people look good in any color.

Answer 5

No! You didn't say anything wrong. People are so judgemental nowadays. I think you said something very nice & you should be glad you gave him a compliment insead of bashing him. Always look on the bright side =]

Answer 6

I understand that when you said it, it was in your best intention. But most of the times, no matter how great we mean words to be, not all people interprets what we say the same way that we mean it.Because it depends on how we say it.

Answer 7

Tricky - it's a hard area to decide on - i'd say you overstepped the margin slightly, but if he was ok with it then I can't see how it'll be a problem in the long run. Just forget about it and it should pass.

Answer 8

What.... the other people in the room didn't think he knew he was black. As long as he appreciated the comment, don't worry about the other small minded people

Answer 9

Does it matter what the other people think? You were talking w/ him and if he didn't get pissed off by your comment F&*$ all those others.

Answer 10

you were fine. the other people were probably uncomfortable because they didn't know how he would react, or perhaps they thought you were being flirty.