Is having kids worth it?

Question

I'm single and really trying to find a long term relationship. Lets face it yall. Kids are ALOT of work, money, TIME, etc. I'm not going to lie - I love sleeping till noon, goin to the movies when I feel like it, etc. BUT something does feel like it's missing inside me -- Do you think if I had a child I would wish I was not a mother or something like that? How do I know being a mother is even right for me?? It's not like you can "test" motherhood out, etc. Then I hear so many horror stories about pregnancy and child birth....I'm afraid if I don't have kids I will have missed out then again if I do, I won't be right for motherhood (I once insisted on buying $150 heels that I never wore, lol).

* I don't have hardly any experience with kids or babysitting or anything. What if I mess something up or don't "parent" them right? I think about how to teach kids right and wrong, I really don't know sh*t about any of it to be honest.

Answer 1

Having kids comes naturally to some and less so to others. Don't be worried about 'not being right for motherhood'. It comes with the territory of being woman! Every one goes through it at some stage. Some think they are going to be a great parent and then have a melt down once they get pregnant and the realisation hits! Others get really blaise' and turn out to be the greatest parents.

Nobody really knows what sort of parent they are going to be until you actually get there and I can tell you, I have changed parenting styles so much from the first kid 5 years ago, to 2 kids now. Its something you have to be prepared to adapt to learn from.

When the time is right you will know it. I wouldn't trade it for the world but it isn't always smooth sailing. Wait for the right partner that is as much 'into it' as you and then it will come naturally. You will fine for motherhood. You wrote this didn't you? That shows your mature and conscious about your decisions which is imperative in parenthood!

Good luck

Answer 2

Totally worth it. If you start thinking about college before you even conceive, then you're just borrowing worries. If you start thinking about the overall expense, then again, you are just borrowing worries. What you need if you want kids, is a man who wants the same thing, the way you want it as well. That is the first and most crucial step in having a family. Marry that man, THEN start your family. It takes two people, giving 100% each for a family AND marriage to be optimum. If you value each other and your relationship, nothing will be ruined. It will change and mature, your goals and priorities will expand or change or reduce in some areas, but that's life. Sometimes, you might hit a rough patch and need counseling. No big whoop either. Think of it when your car breaks down and you need a mechanic. Nothing wrong with calling an expert to get back on the right track again. And romance can only sustain so much. At some point, there has to be a reality check. Not that romance isn't nice on occasion, but seriously, being a soulmate with someone and really knowing there core and havign them know yours, is so much better. If you have that, you've really got it all.

Answer 3

Ha, you sound just like I did in college. I never wanted kids- no way- never was around any growing up, never baby sat.

Then I got pregnant on accident.

That was 17 years ago, so I can give you a pretty good idea of what you're asking.

Yes- when it happens, motherly instincts take over. I am a great mom, it comes naturally.

Would I do it over if I could? Yes, probably. I tell my sons friends, that being a parent is all about GUILT and WORRY! It is the hardest thing I've ever done, so many ups and downs....

The baby years are so hard, then the school years are impossibly tough, and now I sit up on the weekends waiting to hear that my son is ok and not dead in a ditch somewhere....

And now the absolute WORST part of being a parent??? Having to let go of your best friend, your baby, the love of your life.....as they move on with their own lives. IT HURTS worse than anything I can imagine. I have 11 months left with my baby boy and then he leaves for college in Boston.

Believe me- the pregnancy and birth are a very SMALL part of parenting, and should not be a deciding factor.

Answer 4

Do you know that none of us are ready to be parents. None of us are confident about child birth until we have been there at least once. The bad days you don't want ANY KIDS at all, you don't even want to see someone elses kid, lol. On the good days you could have 10 kids (well maybe not that many, lol). All of us doubt our prowess at being a parent, most of us do it at least every day, sometimes more than once a day.

The heels you bought for $150, well instead of doing that for yourself, you will be doing it for a child, who desperately wants something and will "play with it every day", gets it takes it home, plays with it for a day, maybe two and then it goes to the bottom of the toy box. There is a fine line, lol.

I have two kids a three yo and a 10 month old, I want a third and I am pretty sure my partner does too, (we are ttc, lol) we came by this decision because we do feel something is missing, and I felt that we were better to go for a third and be certain we were done than get to 50 and think "oh I would have really like another". You have kind of answered your own question, its just that someone here will get 10 points for telling you so!!!

P.s child birth terrified me, but I have done it twice, gotten trillions of stitches in my girly bits and you wouldn't know (yes you would, but it's not that bad, its better) ;) The pregnancy and the getting pregnant is the good bit, the having the baby once you have pushed it out is a good bit too, just trying and terrifiying. If you want to do it, then go ahead, but if you don't thats ok too.
Hope that helped.

Answer 5

I am in a similar position... sort of. I have a very deep desire to have at least one child/baby, but I am scared b/c everyone says, "It's a life sentence" (jokingly). It's just that once you make that decision there is no turning back, but what else on earth could be worth that kind of sacrifice, other than a new and innocent life? Especially since I am with a man I have loved for many years, I can't wait to see what a combination of us looks like or acts like... and to teach him or her how to be a kind and loving person. What I'm trying to say is that I think it's normal to have some doubts (and that shows that you are responsible enough to even think that through!) about your abilities, even when you know you want to be a mother. For me, the urge just gets stronger by the day. I used to love sleeping in, chilling out after work, but now, everyday, I think, "this is great; this is time I will be able to use with our baby (when s/he finally comes!)." Best of luck. It's definitely not a decision to rush into and maybe a pet's a good idea for testing responsibility, but let's face it, you can give away a pet if it gets to be too much! lol.

Answer 6

It really is a personal decision. I wasn't sure if I wanted kids and I'm pregnant with my 2nd one! The hardest part about parenting, I think is listening, filtering, and fielding the comments that people make to you about pregnancy, child-rearing, etc. For some reason, most comments are not positive and no one really knows what they're doing all the time when it comes to kids. Hence, all the people on drugs, in therapy, whatever. No one knows it all. What you have to count on is your love for that child and that will guide you to what is right. To that little person, you are the world, really, when it comes down to it, you are all they would have. It's enormous pressure, but as long as you see it that way, it's really not that bad. You do have to give up some things in life, such as maybe buying the little tyke $150 shoes instead of yourself. LOL. Your priorities change when you have a child, but you do have to take time out for yourself occasionally, or you will go crazy. My husband and I get a sitter when we need to go away for dinner or a movie, or both! I see no reason why you can't be a parent and a person at the same time! Good luck with your decision!

Answer 7

I had never been around any babies until I had my own. I cannot possibly love them anymore than I already do. Just because you haven't been around kids isn't a reason to "mess up" at it. I do just fine!

If you procreate with someone that is kind and laid back, then the kid will be like that too if you are as well. My kids sleep in until 9:30-10:30 every morning and are back in bed for naps by 1 pm! It's all how you handle it. You are the boss, not them. But give them the guidance they need because you love them, not because you want them out of your hair.

There is nothing better than looking at the smile on my kids' faces. I have experienced a lot of cool, wild things in my day, and I have to say that having them was by far the best thing in my life compared to anything.

Just make sure you are ready and it is very important that you find a mate that is just like you with the same wants. Opposites do NOT attract, and in fact it can make the baby be opposite from you, meaning you may not have the "rightness of fit" as the experts say. If you want to spend all the money you have on shoes and sleeping until noon then you aren't ready.

You can't judge what it will be like by baby sitting either. I love my nieces and nephew, but nothing compares to the jolt of electricity I get from my kids when I get a real warm, loving hug and kiss. And having a 2 parent home makes it the best. Me and my husband have 5 kids and I can honestly say it's easy. A little more dishes and laundry than before, but lots more good times! You just have to find the system that works for you. I get up at 6:30 to make sure my older kids get ready for school and by the time they're out the door at 7:15 I can go back to bed! They know to be quiet because they babies are sleeping. You just all have to work together to make it work. It's not Parents ruling the kids, but everyone having a say and explaining reasons why and why not to your kids instead of just saying "because I said so!".

Sorry I wrote a book, I can even say so much more! When you are ready, it will be the best thing in your life.

There is no drama in my family, we all get along great. Not hard at all. Who has ever said that with 5 kids, lol!

Answer 8

having children is the most "worth it" thing i have ever done. you're right, it is hard and i sometimes have many doubts as to whether i am a good mother or not. i miss sleeping till noon and having late nights out but i would not trade my children to be able to do that again. my children are my life and i don't know what i would do with out them. i still get to go out and have fun too as long as i plan ahead and con one of my sisters into watching my kids for me. the pregnancies were hard but i made it through just fine and the labor and delivery were no picnic either but i went through both child birthings with no drugs and i did not scream and yell and curse my husband. i won't lie, it hurt more than anything in my life but as soon as my slimy little babies were handed to me it didn't matter that hurt so bad, all the pain melted away as i lay there holding the tiny little baby that MY body nurtured and kept safe. you will have kids when and if you are ready and if you never do that is okay too as long as you do what is right for yourself. if you want some experience being around children to find out if you can handle it, offer to babysit for someone you know, at least then if you can't handle it you can send the little munchkins home to their parents. :)

Answer 9

i never wanted any, but i have 2 now, funny that. i am the youngest of 7 all my older siblings had left the house by the time i was born. i never played with any 1 younger then me as a kid, i wouldn't even sit next to a kids younger then me on the school bus !! totally disliked little kids.
then next thing i know, up the duff n I'm like oh ****, when bub was born they handed her to me , i just looked at her n thought well now what do i do with it ! terrible i know completely child illiterate. but that was almost 6 yrs ago now, some days i wish i didn't have any so life would be simple again but deep down, altho tho drive me nuts i love em and life just wouldn't be the same with out them. i love taking them shopping n doing their hair n teaching them how to make cakes n stuff.
no one is good at mother hood, no one really knows what to do at 1st , we are all learners, we all make mistakes, none of us are perfect. and by the time 2nd one comes around we've learnt enuff and were more relaxed cos we actually have some idea by now what we should be doing.

Answer 10

hi there i am a mother of three and grandmother of 3 also..my children are 24, 22 and 4. being a single parent for many years it was a very difficult road, but by joining parent groups and reading lots i have managed to successfully raise the older two. in most people a motherly instinct takes over( food or heels?) you have to do whats in your heart and never look back...no regrets here, just the joy of grand children