Caught son having sex with his girlfriend?

Question

my 20 year old son is a huge pervert, he looks at porn all the time, but last night i opened his door and he's in bed having sex with his girlfriend.

i screamed at her to leave and the only thing my son will be doing until he's financially independent in and out of the house is going to school and sleeping

I will not let him use the argument that he is over 18 now, since he uses my money to pay some of his bills. I don't also care if its protected sex!

I never had sex the first time until i was 33 years old, so i cannot withstand son having it at age 20 only.

I did the correct thing, right?

Answer 1

U go Dad/Mom!!! Yes and no I would not have screamed at her, but what's done is done... Tell him to get his own place and pay his own bills then he can have say in his sex life!!!

Answer 2

Well in a sense, you are right, if he is living under your roof, he should respect your rules, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If he can't be a man and contribute without being dependant on you, he should be kicked out, because he doesn't respect your rules. He should pay his own bills. Whatever he falls behind on, is his fault. Stop coming to the rescue for him. However, at 20, he is old enough to make his own choices, so if he decides he wants to have sex, that's on him, because he's not a child anymore. I understand you didn't have sex until 33, but it doesn't mean he needs to follow your same exact footsteps in regards to sex. As long as he protects himself, that's what should matter. He's old enough to do this if he so chooses. If he were 15 or 16, that would be a different story. However, he's an adult. You can't expect him to wait forever to do that. It's his choice. Again, he's an adult, just like you.

As far as him always watching porn, it doesn't make him a pervert. It might be more of a growing addiction, which could ruin his life in the long run. I don't think you should have him living with you if you see that his behavior is unhealthy, and makes you extremely uncomfortable. Put him out on his own. That's the best thing you can do for the both of you. It'll give you piece of mind, and give him the chance to face the real world without relying on someone else.

Answer 3

If you believe its right and it fits in your standards, then let it be so.

However, you need to realize that you can't compare your life with your sons. Society has been changing. There's a big age gap from the first time you had sex and the first time he had. You have to think about it in other terms. 13 and 14 year old girls are having babies left and right (statistically fact). Thank God that your son has not impregnated anyone yet. About the porn... he's a guy. Believe it or not, .most guys around that age (and even MUCH earlier) look at the stuff all the time. It's absolutely normal, unless it's of children and other things that are taboo.

Im not sure if screaming at his girlfriend (a potential marital partner) was the best way to handle things. It was probably a uncontrollable response, but it's not right.

He does live in your home and is under your care so he must obey what you say. You cannot, however, control his life and the relationships he chooses to be in. It can stress them out, they can do poorly in school or work, they can even become depressed if it's that bad. I know a friend who sent her daughter away to her sisters because she was just too much trouble when she was in her hometown with her boyfriend. What had happened later was that she ended up cutting herself due to depression.

You need to set ground rules, which im sure youre good at, but you cannot take away all of his freedom. What is he supposed to do when you set these very strict rules, yet acts upon a males natural instinct? I know he wouldnt want his life to be solidly controlled by these opposing and tough rules.

How would you feel to be your son? & also think about how his girlfriend felt when you accidentally walk in on them?

I know its tough, but try it.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

1) They're not moving too fast. They understand the consequences, they both consent to it, they use protection, they are in a committed relationship. Today, the average age at which a person loses their virginity is 16.5 years old. 2) How are you going to stop him from having sex? You can tell him it's not allowed. But clearly they didn't seek your permission to start having sex, so I doubt you can stop them. Even if you don't allow them to go in his room together, they will just stop coming over and go have sex somewhere else. You can't dictate whether or not he has sex, so just be sure that he is prepared and knows that condoms are only, on average, 85% effective. 3) He's 17. I don't think any 17 year old is ready to get married. There could be other people out there for him that he hasn't gotten a chance to meet yet. Anything could happen, his girlfriend could leave him or he could grow tired of her. They are still young. Only he knows if he's ready to get married or not though.

Answer 5

Well, he is over 18, so the having sex part is legal, however it is your roof that he is sleeping under so it is up to you to make the rules, so tell him to take his girlfriend elsewhere, As you don't feel it appropriate in your house. However, I am curious, if his door was closed, did you not think to knock? I think that one should respect privacy too as far as that goes.
I also don't understand why you think your son should be the same age as you were when you had sex for the first time? I guess you have alot of catching up to do! Wonder if your son will barge in on you?

Answer 6

the fact that you waited till you were 33 has NOTHING to do with your son and making him wait. You are not wrong about the decision of not letting him have sex in YOUR house, even more so when you are paying all the bills. If your son wants to have sex and the fact that he is over 18 is none of your business, but let it be elsewhere.

Answer 7

Wrong! You hoped you did the right thing but I really don't see it. It is ok for a man at the age of 20 to have sex as long as it's with a woman of the proper age as well.

I see a problem with him not paying and I see other problems that may be going on but I think his behavior is normal...

33 really?

Answer 8

NO! Your son is twenty and you expect him not to have sex, your nuts. Any twenty year old boy is going to have sex and all of them are porniacs. If you don't want him to have sex in your house that's fine. It is your house. Just tell him not in my house, you can not prevent him from having sex. I have a 22 & 26 year old sons. 24 & 28 year old daughters. All but one of my children had sex withen 1yr of being 18. There was nothing I could have done about it, they were consenting adults. Just because you waited an exsesively long time does not mean everybody else has to.

Answer 9

Wrong! The fact you waited until 33 has nothing to do with anything. In fact I would say it was somewhat unusual on your part. The fact he was using protected sex is a major plus in his favor and you should recognize this fact. He is showing maturity and good sense.

Your son is grown and you need to face the fact that as an adult he will have sex one way or another. You can accept it or lose your son. It is your choice.

Answer 10

It must have been a huge shock for you, but that probably wasn't the best way to handle the situation. You should not have yelled at his girlfriend but rather waited for her to leave before you exploded. Your son is an adult and you should have treated him and his gf as such, with respect. Your son is not a pervert just because he looks at porn and you should at least be thankful that he uses protection and is responsible. He is not you. He is not going to live the exact same life that you have because he is his own person. You need to accept that regardless of who pays his bills, he is an adult. Its reasonable that you ask him not to have sex in your home, but you want to be careful not to alienate him and permanently damage your relationship with your son.

Answer 11

your house, your rules.. but I will tell you that he is going to do it, if not at your house then somewhere else. do you realize that if he gets caught in his car with his GF in a public area thathe can be charged as a sexual offender... They have really toughened the laws. So you can either provide a safe place, where you know he will have the time to use protection and not risk a life long label over NOTHING.... or let him rush and sneak around, lie to you and not take precautions and deal with any reprocutions later.

The boy is 20... I doubt this was the 1st time he had sex.


relax a little