I am totally in love with my boyfriend. At least thats how it feels...95 % of the time. The other 5 % is spent thinking about my best friend back in Texas (i'm about 1000 miles away from him now). My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now, and he is expressing some desire to get married and have a family with me...That is ALL i have ever wanted in life...here comes the BUT... I have a best friend in Texas, who has never been more than JUST a friend. Since I moved away from him, i can't stop thinking about him. I feel like I've fallen in love with him... we've known each other for about 7 years, we grew up together, even joked about getting married and having kids. I've never had a relationship with anyone like the one i have with him...and i'm afraid i never will with anyone else...problem is, i am crazy about my boyfriend too, and i love him more than anything in the world...i just get along with the TX man better....what should i be doing? any ideas?
2007-10-30 18:57:00 · 9 answers · asked by texasbabe19 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
also forgot to mention that my boyfriend and I currently live together.
2007-10-30 19:09:14 · update #1
flip a coin, it solves everything
2007-10-30 19:01:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 5⤋
Umm your thinking about your "FREIND" a friend is a comfort ZONE. I.E accepting YOU as you are You never really worry about him Judging you. Now YOU have an BOYFRIEND who wants COMMITMENT in which you will be judged from that moment your hitched. Your friend only comes into play when you and your boyfriend are not in agreement. So you are not TOTALLY inLOVE with your boyfriend. When you finally become TOTALLY INLOVE is when your Friend will be just that ! So my dear need to know ask I am sure when they either give what ever answer you will be a HAPPY WOMAN!
2007-10-31 02:16:56 · answer #2 · answered by Liteyes 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don't even know if you could have a future with the guy in Texas. Your wrong for keeping him on your mind if you've planned a future with another man. Get over your should coulda woulda and leave him the hell alone. If the guy you are with treats your right and is good for you, then stop trying to live out a cheesy Love Movie. And get over yourself and think of what you are doing to the guy your with. Stop being selfish.
2007-10-31 02:04:38 · answer #3 · answered by TheMightyOne 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You should be doing nothing. You are not ready to get married to anyone. You have to know what makes you happy before you can make your partner happy. If you make a decision on your current boyfriend or your Texas friend right now, you will be making a big mistake.
Grow up first.
2007-10-31 02:06:22 · answer #4 · answered by yvettecm 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You need to resolve this before you get married. Take a "vacation" and go see him - you may find out that he is involved with someone else and has no desire to be with you. On the other hand you may find he is your soul mate and then you have to make a decision.
2007-10-31 02:03:29 · answer #5 · answered by sweetpicker 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You're human, and as a human we tend to have the desire to make things harder and mess things up for ourselves just as soon as things start to look good. I had similar problems when I was just about to get married but I was able to resist those urges and I'm glad that I did.
2007-10-31 02:01:09 · answer #6 · answered by Patricia Z 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hi Sarha, Call your friend in Texas and see if you feel anything special about him while you are talking to him on the phone. You might let it slip out that you have found someone you care about very much. See if he says anything about it.
A Friend,
poppy1
P.S. Your will have to make-up your mind here very soon!!!
Good Luck.
2007-10-31 02:08:51 · answer #7 · answered by poppy1 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Love is a many splendored thing--and also a multi-multi-multi faceted one. It IS possible to love more than one, and sometimes, even be in love with more than one. In your case, it sounds like you are in love with your friend and love your bf. This, unfortunately is way too common a scenerio--and for that matter, the culprit of many an affair.
It sounds like your bf is a wonderful man to you. He not only is someone you love, but he represents the reality of the desire to have a family. You could very well go this route and never be sorry. That can be a very strong pull, and sometimes, reinforce what you think is "loving" him. Safety can do wonders to a heart. (And not even artificially--after all, isn't safety part of trust? And healthy love has a good dose of that!)
However, you have a close and long-running relationship with the TX friend. In essence, you love him too (we all love our dear friends), and it is complicated by that ever-maddening question, "Can two heteros truly truly be just friends? How soon before the heart--and thus body--wants to follow?" Thus, an affection forms that spills over into that sexual love, if you will, and an "in love" feeling can ensue.
Before you louse up a potentially beautiful thing with your guy, you need to examine what's really going on with your TX friend. Why didn't you ever get together with him when you had the chance? Did something about him or you two together hold you back, or was it always just circumstance? Is his distance now the reality check your heart needed (funny how easy it is to take someone for granted and bask in the safety of friendship when you always wanted more, and suddenly when you're gone, you realize how much he always meant) OR is it merely "Absence make the heart grow fonder" (now that you don't have him near, his flaws fade and his positive attributes are amplified)/"Grass is always greener" (now that he is gone, you think it would have been so much better than what you do have)?
(And perhaps another "corallary question" to explore is why did you get together with bf? Was it because TX friend was never truly available, or because you were just never ready to take the plunge for what you really wanted/didn't realize it WAS what you wanted until too late?)
The absolute hardest part here is that life is uncertain and more times than not, a person has limited means to find answers. The truth in life is that there IS NO ultimate truth. No ultimate truth lies sealed in an envelope, held to fate's head, and you, the mere mortal get to guess it, hopefully making choices that will lead you to the hidden golden answer. The fact is, the choices we make throughout our lives, the way we handle each instance and what we come away with from them determines the "right" answer in the end. One could truly have had a dashing relationship with someone, given who each person was, but a tragedy, a situation, hell, even a resentment dealt with poorly could make it impossible in the end. What's more, we face these incredible questions, and how we go about _investigating_ them, let alone what we find, could determine everything.
With you, there is a possibility the time was never right, or you/he just let chances slip by. There is a possibility that he/you could have been insanely happy and this is where your relationship Utopia was. BUT...now you're 1000 miles apart, and you are practically engaged to someone else you genuinely love. Can this guy truly be your Utopia now, even if it takes trashing something wonderful you have now, moving 1000 miles away...etc? The stress of the change alone could throw in the wrench that makes it impossible. And now, you would possibly have killed chances with your bf as well, when you could have been insanely happy there.
But...do you really know that the friendship you had with TX friend was really more than just a friendship with some sexual tension, amplified into the heightened state of "in love" because you really can't have him now? And is it really worth the sacrifice of bf to try it out?
But at the same time, do you settle for bf cuz you don't want to be wrong about TX friend, and miss out on a chance for true happiness?
*sigh*
Unfortunately, the reality is you will never truly know. Naturally, I don't think bf will sit idly by with a smile on his face while you explore TX friend. (And no, I don't think "taking a vacation"/hanging out with someone with the intent to explore them is fair to bf or very honest. It's cheating. How would you feel if it was done to you?) But, I don't think you will be totally ready to give your everything to bf until you can let this TX friend fancy go wholeheartedly.
So...what do you do? You have to make an educated guess and then a final commitment here. You will have to examine what you think drives this feeling for TX friend and what you are willing to sacrifice to go for it.
1.) Do you feel that, even if it DOESN'T work out, it would truly be worth losing all you have with bf (note, I did not say "losing bf;" I said "all you have with him," not just all that he is, but all that you are _together_, all that you feel the future could hold for you two)? (SO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU TRULY WOULD LOSE IF YOU LOST BF.)
2.) And if no to #1, do you feel still that you would be SETTLING if you stay with bf and sacrifice _the chance_ (and note, "chance," as TX friend may never work out) at a relationship with TX friend? (AKA DO YOU FEEL TRULY GOOD ABOUT A LIFETIME WITH BF, REGARDLESS OF TX FRIEND?)
3.) Do you feel you can give your all to your bf, once and for all, and NOT regret Tx friend and finally let him go? (NOW THINK ABOUT THE TWO TOGETHER. CAN YOU TAKE ALL THAT YOU THINK TX FRIEND IS AND LET IT GO, FOCUSING ONLY ON BF WITHOUT REGRETS? This is a question of commitment as well as ability. You have to CHOOSE to do it once you know that you can.)
If you find yourself saying YES to #1 and #2 questions and no to #3, you simply do not love bf enough. It has to do with bf and your feelings for him period, interestingly enough, NOT TX friend at all. It's saying that something else period would be worth losing bf. You will never truly be happy enough with BF and if not TX friend, someone else will most likely come along and pose the same thing. Deep down, something is missing--and you know it.
If you say no to #1, but yes to #2, (which pretty much then assumes a no to #3), you probably are not really all THAT crazy about TX friend, but also know something is missing with bf at the same time. Does this mean the "thing" can't be there with bf? Not at all, but it will take some talking and working through it to get it there if it can be
I've been in your position, and I've seen it in my friends. It's heart-wrenching and scary, really. My heart goes out to you, to your bf, and all those who deal with this question. You are not alone.
I wish you peace in your decision, and feel free to contact me if you have any other info/questions.
2007-10-31 02:49:32 · answer #8 · answered by Gauffsa 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Flipping a coin. LOL. I am laughing so hard my side hurts.
2007-10-31 02:04:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋