Any suggestions on how to stop doing this?

Question

I really want a serious relationship but then freak out if a guy shows interest in me. Whenever I go out with a guy i'll make a list of reasons (in my head) why he's not the right guy for me... then afterwards if anyone asks how the date went or whatever, I'll tell them that it's not going to happen and rattle off the list of things I've thought of.

If the guy then calls and acts interested I'll stop answering his calls, won't reply to his messages, etc. I just generally ignore him. But if he doesn't call and when I do catch up with him if he acts uninterested I then spend my time trying to "get" him, but as soon as he's interested I'll ignore him as well.

Does anyone have any reasons for why I would do this? I hate it and want to have a normal relationship but I'll do it without even realising until someone else points out that I've done it again. I'm terrified of being like my mother who was always in relationships with unavailable men, either emotionally or physically.

Answer 1

Here's a reason: relationships are scary because they are risky. You might have an abnormal fear of loss, but if you don't get over it you'll never have the 'normal' relationship that you say you want.

Get some help, get better and then get on with it. But don't get started until you do that. It isn't fair to the guy.

Answer 2

if you realise what you are doing then you need to make a concious effort to break this cycle --- no one else can help --- they may offer all sorts of advice BUT you are in control of your actions so all you need to do (easier said than done i know from experience) is stop it --- if you make a list of why they are not right make a list of admirable qualities --- or the larger the list the more you are interested in him ---- best wishes (you dont need luck ---- hugggg)