how can you deal with this situation in family matter problem?

Question

here is the situation being a fourth elder in your family and ur all 8 kids and then your parents wont able to provided the needs or education for your siblings and as and elder sister your help them send them study take care some of thier needs and everything but then some of your siblings didnt study well but to drop thier study and just dont do nothing about thier self but giving more responsiblity to you like getting pregnant without a father and the brother making thier girlfriend pregnant and when they need something they always hands out and if you cant give them they well make you feel bad by saying bad stuff againts you , and saying when they do mistake say dont worry wont ask you help anyway but at the end they well run to you , of course by being older sis even thats your family you feel mad about that bec they saying stuff that they can even stand for and there is a point that u gonna say thats it but then u cant just look them bec they are your family need to help ,

Answer 1

I've just recently learned that in some cultures, the eldest of the children is expected to take the place of the parents and to also care for mom and dad in their old age...how awful! Is this your case? I went to a party and one of my friends was talking about his brother being married to a Philippino girl who happens to be the eldest of the family. The brother was divorcing the Filipino wife because he was sick and tired of having to take care of, not only her parents, but all of her sisters, as well. I don't think this is fair at all. Children are their parents' responsibility. But I don't know if you're doing this because it's part of your culture and you don't feel you have a choice.

Answer 2

* Your parents left you holding the bag, so drop it.

* Your siblings do not appreciate your sacrifices to help them get an education, and are behaving like brats... drop them and let them grow up. Tell them that the gravy-train just left the station without them and they have to take responsibility for themselves. Believe me, this will be the kindest thing you could possibly do for them and yourself. The longer your wait to put this across to them and make them understand, the worse it will be.

* In a lot of circumstances, your family is the first set of obstacles to overcome.

* You did your best, now set yourself free. You won't be any good for anyone if you don't take care of yourself FIRST.

Answer 3

1st, let me say, "Calm down". I can tell by the scattering of your comments that you're upset. 2nd, this is your parents' responsibility -- not yours. Get out on your own & have a life. There's no need for you to burden yourself with the mistakes of your siblings. Share advice with your brothers & sisters when they ask it of you, but don't hand money out to cover their a**es. They should learn to pay for their own mistakes. Remember, you can pick your friends, & you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your relatives. There's too many social services available to your parents & siblings for them to be bleeding you dry. Keep them in mind for Christmas & birthdays, but leave them on their own for everything else.

Answer 4

To help with education would be one thing, but to have to help with other problems they create or trouble. As my dad would put it, "You made your bed now lie in it". I'm the eldest in our family of six kids. I've helped the younger ones with some of their school needs and courses, but when my sister got pregnant I tried to help for a while as I felt sorry for her. Even to the point of taking my nephew to raise for a period of time. But when she met this guy, got a place with him, bills ran up, him not working and not trying to get a job then getting pregnant again while he just set around drinking. Then came to me asking me to help pay for everything I had to tell her no that I was sorry but couldn't. I did get a list of agencies who could assist her with some things but that was as far as I went. Yes I love my sis, I told her so but that I couldn't allow this to happen and put the problems on me when she knew better and knew what she was getting into. Naturally I was told she hated me, that I was mean, that I didn't care and other things. That was 2 years ago. Since that time she has dropped the guy, is working on going back to school again through a program who offers daycare, and working on getting her life together. I did allow her to come stay with me for a while when she left him but with the conditions that she didn't go back, that she got her head on straight, and that she took responsibility for her actions. It was a wake up call to her but since then she's apologized to me several times and is working on doing the right things.

Answer 5

Don't feel guilty. Helping pay for school is one thing.....BUT Paying for MISTAKES that your family make....that is their problem....let them figure it out. Be straightforward and honest.....tell them you would help them once they make the attempt to help themselves. Otherwise, they are on their own. Not your problem.