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I wanna hear the funniest joke you know! the person with the most thumbs up wins, or the one that makes me laugh the hardest and I haven't heard 100 X's before

2007-10-30 17:16:55 · 10 answers · asked by djbred18 3 in Entertainment & Music Jokes & Riddles

10 answers

there was a male and female whale swimming in the ocean. the male whale recognizes a whaling ship that killed his father. he suggests that they go swim underneath the ship and blow air out of their holes to tip it over. sure enough they do this and the ship capsizes. he is happy until he sees the crew swim to shore. the male whale tells the female whale they need to catch them and eat the crew members. he sees the female whale is reluctant and asks whats wrong. she replies sure i went along for the bl0w job but i'm not swollowing the sea men.

2007-10-30 17:22:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4 1

The Perfect Husband:


There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.


Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues: (H - Husband, W - Wife)


H - "Hello?"


W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"


H - "Yes."


W -"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"


H -"What's the price?" W - "Only $1,000." H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."


W - "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2003 models. I saw one I really liked. Its a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price . and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..


H - "What price did he quote you?"


W - "Only $65,000..."


H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."


W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else...


H -"What?" W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool English garden, acre of park area, beach front property."


H - "How much are they asking?"


W - "Only $450,000 -- a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."


H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000. OK?"


W - "OK,sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"


H - "Bye...I love you too..."


The man hangs up & closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision. The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks "Does anyone know who this Cellphone belongs to???"

:D keep your cell phone safe!

2007-10-31 01:05:11 · answer #2 · answered by yin yang 4 · 3 2

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.

"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

2007-10-31 00:38:51 · answer #3 · answered by Howdy! 5 · 4 1

DON'T LIE TO KIDS!!!‏

There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach.
Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he covers his private parts with a newspaper.

The little girl says, "What's under there?"
So the man answers, "A bird."
The girl goes away and the man falls asleep.
When he wakes up, he is in a hospital and in great pain. 
A doctor comes up to his bed and asks, "What happened?" 
The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach and I fell asleep after talking to a little girl."
So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.
When they get there, they see the little girl the man was talking about. So they ask her if she did 
anything to the man.
She answers, " I didn't do anything to the man, but while he was sleeping, I played with his bird.
After a while, it spit at me, so I broke its neck, burned its nest, and smashed all its eggs. 

2007-10-31 06:10:48 · answer #4 · answered by -_-'' 4 · 1 0

may be a bit inappropriate for the younger.


one day a little girl came home,
"mommy! mommy! a boy gave me 5 dollars today!"

the mom was curious and asked why.

"tommy gave me 5 dollars to do cartwheels while he sat in the tree."

the mom said "dont you know he is just trying to see your panties."

the little girl replyed "OOOOOOOOOhhhh!"

the next day the girl ran in screaming "mommy, mommy! tommy gave me 10 dollars today!"

the mom asked, "but why did he..."

but before she could finis the girl said "wait mommy, i tricked him, i didnt where panties!"

2007-10-31 00:50:51 · answer #5 · answered by secret_mystery0 2 · 3 1

a little boy and little girl were ouside playing and the little girl asked the boy "do you wanna play inside or ouside?" he said "i wanna play inside". she said " i knew you were gonna say that because you are nasty". so they went in side. the girl then said to the boy " do you wanna play in the bedroom or in the living room?" the little boy said "i wanna play in the bedroom". she replied "i knew you were gonna say that because you are nasty". so they go in the bedroom and the girl asks the boy another question, she said " do you wanna play on the floor or the bed?" the little boy thought for a minute and he said "i wanna play on the bed" so they climb on the bed and the little girl says "i knew you were gonna say that because you are nasty" they climb up on the bed and the girl asks "do you wanna play under the covers or on top of the covers?" the boy thinks for a second and replies "i wanna play under the covers" the girl say i knew you were gonna say that because you are nasty.......do you wanna hear the rest................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................i knew you were gonna say that because you are nasty! lol


i got another one

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.
His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole.

I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too.

As soon as I finished milkin'' him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.

As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain!

2007-10-31 02:23:04 · answer #6 · answered by tinkerbell 2 · 1 0

some clean ones....
Q; is pyjama singular or plural?
A; singular at the top & plural at the bottom.
****
a baby to mother: mom! u have given me a name but not a pass word.
****
Q; how does a car move?
A; hummmmmm
Q; stop..stop
A; hunnnnnnnnnn

2007-10-31 00:34:36 · answer #7 · answered by JJ SHROFF 5 · 1 3

fdddddd>.

2007-10-31 01:35:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 3

Funny! 10!

2007-10-31 00:23:06 · answer #9 · answered by cats 7 · 1 5

ha ha ha ha

2007-10-31 02:23:56 · answer #10 · answered by KEB 2 · 0 1

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