Can you tell me a joke. I dont care if its funny or not, but the funniest joke will be chosen as best anwser!!!!!!!! thnx
2007-10-30 16:08:50 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
An employer, concerned with his best worker not showing up for work, decides to give him a call. He dialed the employee's home
phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
The small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the
person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone else there in your house?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the Boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," whispered the child.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss
asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed hushed voice the child answered, "The search team just
landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle: "Me."
2007-10-30 16:12:01 · answer #1 · answered by john 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
K so this guy walks into a bar and sees a big gar filled with money on the counter. So he goes to the barman and says "Hey whats that big jar of money for?" and the barman replys "well to know you have to put 50$ in". The man thinks about it and decides to put the money in. The barman then says "Ok, you must complete 3 tasks to win all the money in the jar. First you must drink this full pint of tequila without getting up to go to the washroom. Next there is a rottwieler in the back with a sore tooth, you have to pull out its tooth. And third of all there is a lonely old woman upstairs who hasnt made love in over 30 years and you must pleasure her." The man agrees and sits down to drink the tequila. He takes a while to finish and when he does hes very drunk and staggering. The barman leads him to the back and and over 45 minutes pass and everyone in the bar can hear growling and barking, then moaning. After a whopping hour the man comes in and says "Wheres that old lady with the sore tooth?"
2007-10-30 16:16:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A man takes his young son duck hunting for the 1st time. They find a quiet spot in a marshy area and the man tells his son "Now, you need to be absolutely quiet. You CANNOT make a sound. Do you understand?"
The boy answers "Yes, I understand. I promise I won't make a sound".
The father and son sit quietly for a while, but don't see any ducks. After a short time without any luck, the father says "I'm going to the other side of the marsh. You stay over here, but you HAVE to remember that you must be quiet. Do you understand? You can't make a sound!"
The boy again answers "I promise, I'll be quiet."
So the father goes to the other side of the marsh. A short time later, the father hears yelling and screaming coming from the other side of the marsh. Angrily, he marches over the the other side of the marsh to where his son is.
"What's the matter with you? I thought I told you that you needed to be quiet!" the father yelled.
Shaken, his son said,"When the snakes slithered across the fronts of my legs, I managed to keep quiet. Then, when the skunk rubbed up against my back, I still kept quiet. But I had to draw the line when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said "Do we take them with us, or do we eat them here?"
2007-10-30 16:34:48 · answer #3 · answered by Patricia S 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Airplane passengers watch nervously as two men wearing pilots’ uniforms and dark glasses use canes to feel their way into the cockpit. The plane starts barreling down the runway, and the passengers begin to get scared as the water at the end of the airstrip nears. With only a few yards left, everyone screams, but the plane lifts off just in time. The passengers think it was all a joke, while in the cockpit, the pilots high-five.
“You know,” says one pilot to the other, “one day they’re gonna scream too late, and we’re all gonna die.”
A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son. God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes son, he loves all children."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
2007-10-30 16:20:21 · answer #4 · answered by i need A's 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
MY FAVORITE (put on here before):So...Donald Rumsfeld is briefing George Bush in the
Oval Office.
"Oh and finally, sir, three Brazilian soldiers were
killed in Iraq today."
Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned
disbelief. He buries his
face in his hands, muttering "My God...My God".
"Mr. President," says Cheney, "we lose soldiers all
the time, and it's
terrible. But I've never seen you so upset. What's the
matter?"
Bush looks up and says..."How many is a Brazilian?"
OKAY....ONE MORE (also put on here before):I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.
He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and he says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that
I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly,
"No, I'm your son's teacher."
HOPE YOU GOT AT LEAST A GIGGLE!!!
2007-10-30 16:12:21 · answer #5 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Trying to think of a good one that'll get past the yahoo censor...
How many perverts does it take to put a lightbulb in?
Just the one, but it takes a whole medical team to get it out.
2007-10-30 16:13:10 · answer #6 · answered by Scumspawn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two peanuts are walking down the road and one's assaulted.
Read it aloud.
2007-10-30 16:15:22 · answer #7 · answered by themacncheesepunk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ham--- that is my all time favorite joke --- heres one for you: two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a-salted !!!
2007-10-30 16:13:03 · answer #8 · answered by *ifthatswhatyoureinto* 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
here's one:why did the man with one hand cross over to the other side of the road?
CLUE:THERE'S A SHOP AT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD...
ANSWER:he wanted to go to the second hand shop!!!
hahah lollollollol
2007-10-30 16:33:59 · answer #9 · answered by ViNi Da PoOh 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did the cookie go to the Dr.?
He felt crummy!
2007-10-30 16:13:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋