Toxic parents, do you have one?

Question

Toxic people ruin the lives around them (or at least try very hard to do so), are miserable people and usually never change.

Do you have one (or both--God forbid!) parent(s) that is a toxic person in your family? How do you deal with them? How have they affected you and your other family members?

The person who gave birth to me (I choose not to call her my mother any longer, she does not deserve that title) is a toxic person that at the age of 79 is one of the most miserable people I know. Age has not mellowed her, it seems to have made her even worse. Basically, I have divorced myself from her as a method of self-preservation.

I agree, in forgiveness we help ourselves and release that person or persons. We don't excuse what they do, nor allow them back to do more damage.

Answer 1

good for you. i will recommend a book for you to read to help you maintain that 'divorce' from her.

Answer 2

I have found that if you have a toxic relationship, to forgive that person. I do not mean face to face forgive, I simply mean in your own mind and heart forgive them, move on, and stay away from them. If you choose not to forgive them, then you are continually hurt every time you think of them or have to be around them. Forgiveness is a gift for you, it releases you from the hurt they caused and it really helps you to move on. It probably wont change the person, but it will change how you react and the amount of hurt you feel.

Answer 3

I completely understand. My mother is cold, hurtful, emotionally distant, and purposively extremely nasty. She told me once that she relishes the hurt look on people's faces when she says something mean to them. She has had a lot of problems with depression and substance abuse. She lives alone because no one, including me, can stand to be around her.

The best thing is to make other positive friendships and to keep busy. Don't think about her or your mind will become clouded with frustration and hatred. Cut off all contact if possible. Toxic people destroy those around them. They are like vampires, drawing their energy in by sucking it out of you every time you have to deal with their vile behavior.

Answer 4

I hear you, Well my father is a toxic person in which i separated myself. I've been called everything from a b*tch, a fat b*tch, stupid. whatever i did didn't satisfy him in any way. and after a while you stop trying for awhile i hated the man couldn't stand being around him but came to the conclusion whether i like it or not he is still my parent. he is an unhappy person or at least when he was with us meaning (mom, me, sister, nephew) he just wasn't happy.

Answer 5

Sometimes you have to do what's good for you,even if it means severing ties with a family member. My own mother, thank God is not one of those, but her sister is. The woman zaps the very life out of every family gathering we have and she doesn't miss any.

Most of us tend to keep our distance from her as she tends to have a temper and if she isn't going off on somebody, she is feeling sorry for herself. I think she is mental, but she flatly refuses any kind of counseling, anger management or any of that. She is one of those that thinks the rest of the world has the problem.

Answer 6

i understand you very well. even though this particular person said that she's religious and a good person, but it's only a mask to the outside world. she gossips about EVERYONE all the time, and claiming she is the most righteous person on earth, that people should follow her advice, but when i listen and do what she tells me to do, it ALWAYS end up worse! she promises a lot, but none she ever fulfills. she makes big plans that keeps your hopes high, but they never happened, and she never says she's sorry. she demands a lot, but give nothing, but curse and said a lot of hurtful words when we tried our best. she force everyone to work for her, to do her a favor, but she's lazy. she keeps on wasting money on food that makes her fat, on cosmetics and clothing that don't make her look any better, and she criticize people with no money to buy all those stuff, but she doesn't help them. she tries to ruin my relationship with my husband, because her marriage is a failure. she's lonely and she demands to be the center of attention. she wants to be the head of my family, instead of my husband. she listens to no one, yet forcing people to listen and do what she wants. back-stabbing, bitter, lonely, old woman. i avoid talking to her or to have anything to do with her (it's kinda hard, because we stay together) because i don't want to think like her, i don't want to be like her, my mother-in-law