Please Please Please Please Please Help me with this problem?

Question

I get sooo nervous around men. This has been going on for years now. When I'm in a coffee shop and they look at me, I flinch, then I think oh they might think I like them, then I get so nervous. Having a guy sit in front of me? Forget it! Can you help me conquer this ONCE AND FOR ALL?
I will give you 100 points to someone who really helps me.
It has to do with, I get nervous around them to begin with, until, maybe, I hear them talk, either to me or other people about themselves.
My biggest FEAR is that they'll think I like them because I act so nervous around them, which isn't the case...because I don't. Help PLEASE ? Thanks!!!

seriously? this is the best you can do????? You first four!

Thanks, but I won't say they are panic attacks :)

Thanks, But, I don't need a therapist and I definitely don't hate men :)

Answer 1

Easy.... I had that problem and now i get a lot of men!!!

1. Learn how to talk to a big crowd... If you do that you can talk to anybody
2.Sit down and take a tape that have men talk on it
3. Go to a coffee shop or breakfast place early and just watch men, but don't let them see you... Doing this will help you face your fear
4. If you go where a guy is a Waiter, don't be scared to ask a question or say a compliment

say this:" I really like that tie you have on" if he says thanks, drink your coffee or pretend that something else interest you so you won't have a break down

All you really have to do.... Is find a way that you won't be distracted by their charm...

Always have a pen, and paper... Just in case for numbers or to interest you so you won't get over excited

Answer 2

Zara, I used to have the same problem... until I realized that men are HUMAN :).
Men put their pants on the same way you do, and they are probably equally or even more nervous.
I still get nervous around some guys, but for the most part, I just adress them like I would a female, talk and laugh and then go on. You need to find your reason why you are shy around men. Where you teased by boys as a kid? Did you have male family members that intimidated you?
A good way to find that out is to make a list, list all the good experiences you had with males and then all the bad experiences. Just like an inventory of your experiences and feelings.
From that list you can work through and discuss the bad experiences with a good friend that you can trust with your -so called- secrets. If you realize that the bad experiences are not that bad, you will finally find a way to approach a man without being intimidated by him.
Go out and have fun, laugh and realize that everyone has issues and no one is perfect. Practice with a friend that is not shy, talk to a male co-worker that you know will read anything into just small talk.
When you are comfortable in initiating small talk, then you will be able to talk about subjects that really interest you, and that is what makes you at ease and interesting to the other gender at the same time.

Answer 3

Sounds like to me you are having panic attacks. My best friend is the same way. The only way to come out of that shell is be around men more. Take a friend with you until you feel more comfortable. When they see you and you see them daily its will become easier. Think of the guy as your dad. Then it should help a bit. I bought my friend a spinner ring for the times I couldn’t be there with her. Every time a male would come up to her, or around her she would put her hands under the table and spin her ring. Then she was able to carry a conversation with out a problem. Doing that had distracted her. This had cured her. She has passed the ring to her best friend’s niece that has the same problem she had.
Hope this helps you a bit.

Answer 4

While a little nervousness is to be expected in social situations, what you are describing goes way beyond that.You seem to be suffering from a phobia--- a phobia that has something to do with men.I suggest that you go and consult a therapist to find out the reasons why.However,it seem to me that you don't like men and you need to find out why this is so.and then try for a resolution or solution. Good luck.i

Answer 5

Well I had an issue like that once until I got really good advice from my friend. She said you just need to relax and try to stay calm. Don't worry about what they are thinking about you. Just focus on trying to stay relax. Then when they come up a talk to you. Just talk to them like there were your dad, brother, uncle or friend. If you keep flinching try taking a napkin or something and twirl it around your finger. It should stop you from flinching. Well I hoped I helped good luck : )

Answer 6

need to chill! Firstly, how do you know if they really DO think that because you're flinching that you like them? You don't want to overreact you know.
Take a deep breath. If a guy looks your way, dont immediately think that they must be saying "she's looking at me, she must want me to come see her".
Take an event such as sitting with a guy as totally casual. Keep your head straight by reminding yourself that its just a simple conversation, and for all you know they might be just as nervous as you!

Take it step by step. don't let any other thoughts except "we are sitting here. talking. that's it." it's not a dificult situation once you get into the habit of it. Don't expect it to all be overcome by one event!

Good luck! :)

Answer 7

This sounds strange, but try to think of the guy as being someone related to you, like your brother or cousin or something. If you can treat them like you would your brother, you can show them that you are a normal person without them thinking that you're in love with them or whatever.

If it helps, try to not think of them as being a guy. It sounds strange, but it might help. If you talk to them like they're just another girl, you can feel a comfortable around them.

Another thing to keep in mind is that every guy is not interested in every girl. I have an issue with liking almost every guy I encounter, but rarely have they liked me back, and I usually quickly realize that I only like them as a friend anyway.

The only real way to get over your fear is to face it. Walk into that coffee shop like you own it and talk to the guys that look at you. Just say "hi" to begin with, or even just smile and nod. Get used to greeting men, and you can eventually work your way up to whole conversations.

Another quick story for you: some guys are just totally clueless. I like this one guy, and did some flirting, and almost told him that I'd go out with him at one point, and he still doesn't know that I like him, as far as I can tell.

Keep these things in mind, and take the plunge. Just GO FOR IT!!!!

Answer 8

ok i hate when people give answers that aren't even real answers...but anyways, do you know why you get so nervous around them? Why would you get nervous if you don't like them? Maybe you actually do like them or you think they're cute or something...idk you already said you don't like them, so maybe you're just psyching yourself out because you expect yourself to be nervous around guys.

as for advice, i kind of have a similar problem but around guys i do like. i really don't think there's much you can do but to practice being in these situations more often so that soon enough, you'll get used to being around guys and you won't have to be nervous. Do you still get nervous when you're with your friends and a guy comes along? Just try being out in public more and you'll HAVE to get used to guys being around you...i think it's just a matter of getting used to it and becoming comfortable. good luck! this problem can be a hard one to overcome!

Answer 9

Only way to conquer this is to just talk to men. Most men are more worried about what you think of them and won't even see that you are nervous

Answer 10

So what if they DO like you?
Time to be an adult and quit worrying about if they like .Most girls worry that they WONT like them and with the way you act, youre driving them away hon.Just start out wanting to be friends, if someone wants to be more than friends and you dont feel the same way BE AN ADULT and tell them that upfront.You'll be ok and they'll get over you and move on.