I'm not a religious person. He lived most of his life in the US and is a successful business man here, and we've been together for 2 1/2 years now. he never asked me this question before untill now and it feels like a requirement. Is he asking me to do this so I can be accepted by his family and friends? I will be going to Turkey in December to visit his family.
*no offense to anyone just wondering.
2007-10-30 13:29:48 · 48 answers · asked by sChNiTzEl 5 in Travel ➔ Europe (Continental) ➔ Turkey
Hey Birdherd, I don't think Islam is to simply wear a headscarf, I was basically "instructed" to wear one and to convert to Islam. Read the entire question first before you start assuming.
2007-10-30 18:11:09 · update #1
Thank you all so much for answering my question, I really wanted to know what people from Turkey, also the people who are from around there and/or know about it. He's full Turkish by what he tells me and he has family in Istanbul the european side. He started with asking me then he tried to persuade me and eventually last week he said to me "You should wear this all the time" while handing me a headscarf that he had bought online. His reasons are that it will make me feel so much better and that everything will be better for us. He thinks the media is what's making me refuse, but it's not. I can't tell him enough that I'm not a religious person it's that simple and I don't know how to help him understand. I love him very much.
2007-10-31 11:45:57 · update #2
There aren't a lot of things more important than love, but your conscience is one of them. Unless if you happened to want to convert to Islam anyway, do not abandon your deepest beliefs for your fiance. It's not just a headscarf, he's making you convert to his religion, proving that he was never tolerant of the idea of marrying someone outside of his religion. Why is he telling you this now anyways - why didn't he ask you this before he proposed to you? Honestly, I think he has sinister motives by bullying you after the wedding is set. Even if you did convert to Islam, this could be a warning bell about his personality later on in marriage. I would seriously consider cancelling the wedding if he doesn't accept your beliefs.
2007-10-30 13:56:37 · answer #1 · answered by alphadelicious 5 · 11⤊ 0⤋
I was married to a Palestinian Muslim and he NEVER once told me how to dress. He supported me in my education and in everything in general. He was also the better cook between the two of us, and he the cleanest person I have ever seen, especially in the kitchen. Anyway... if I had gone to his country I would wear it just because I would not want to stick out. You know, when in Rome, do as Romans do. There are also Palestinian Christians, and they don't wear head scarves.... so I guess it would be entirely up to me. I know I would have to wear one when visiting a mosque. I would totally respect that.
About your situation - if he expects you to wear it all the time - it's not a good sign. Why would you want to wear it in the US? I have Arab/Muslim women friends in the US who DON'T wear it. So, my conclusion is that he will expect you to change a lot more if he is imposing this on you at this time. Be careful - some people are nice, some are controlling. If you like being told what to do - stay with him; if not, run the other way. It gets worse.
No disrespect to anyone - just think about it -it makes sense.
EDIT - WOW - look at all the Turkish ladies (and some gents) who agree with me! That is a red flag right there. If they wouldn't do it, and they're Muslim Turks - leave him, and leave him fast!
2007-11-01 11:51:24 · answer #2 · answered by Brat of Brats 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I wonder where your fiances family live? If they are in the east of Trkey then they may not be as 'open' and modern as the western world. The same thing happened to my friend. But her and her partner are both Turkish! Turns out he didn't really know his parents as well as he thought, even though his mother covers her head they never expected their new bride too. Everyone agrees that wearing a headscarf is completely optional. Does he expect you to wear it all the time or just during your visit in December. I'm a Christian and my fiancee is Turkish. I wear a headscarf during family gathering while praying together, but that lasts 10 minutes and women should cover their heads during prayers. He probably is doing this to show you off to his family and friends as an american turkish girl, to show that you can fit in with their life style. Although the majority of Turkey are fairly modern! Try and talk to him again about it, but don't make him angry, you don't want an argument to spoil your visit. Do what your gut instinct tells you. XxX
2007-11-01 00:09:15 · answer #3 · answered by Kate 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Explain to him that if you don't beleive in it then there is no point doing it. He and his family should accept you as you are.
I do not beleive in any religion at all and if my partner suggested we have a traditional wedding in a church then I wouldn't go through with it. what is the point of making vows to a god or system you don't beleive in?
Almost all the Turkish women I know DO NOT wear a headscarf and don't really follow Islam but then again they are from the tourist areas and have been subjected to a more European way of life than maybe Turkish women from small villages who may have had no contact with people from outside of Turkey
2007-10-31 02:00:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 9⤊ 0⤋
I would not do it. I have been to Turkey. Most women in the larger cities do not wear a headscarf. Atleast from what I saw.
If you dont want to, dont do it. Also you should look into child rearing. Islam calls for all men to raise their children as Muslims, no matter what the wife's religion. In Islam, a women doesnt have to convert to marry, but it is suggested.
Again, remember you don't have to convert, even in Islam it is alright for a Muslim to marry a non-muslim. But, under the Koran, a man's kids must be raised as muslims.
2007-10-31 23:11:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry that you faced such a question after 2.5 years. It's really unfair.
Wearing the headscarve isn't just a dressing issue. It is a lifestyle and mentality issue.
I can't accept that a man demands a woman to change what she is. Especially if you are not a religious person, you would find it hard to accept the demands and pressure.
If you were my sister, I would make anything in my power to make you break up with the guy. One year of heartbreak is nothing when compared with a lifetime suffering.
If his family demands that you be covered, that's worse in so many ways that I don't know where to start.
2007-10-30 19:05:56 · answer #6 · answered by Totally Blunt 7 · 13⤊ 0⤋
A Muslim can live outside his country for many years, but as soon he returns, he will get back to his traditions, habits and rules, even though he might not like it himself, his family and surroundings are asking for it. It depends also in which place he lives, mostly in rural areas (villages) people are very strict, its looser in big cities.
In your case it seems that your fiance is asking you this because of his family and friends. If you like to win the hearts of your inlaws, you have to follow his wishes.
He also asks you to convert to Islam.Think about it and do it only if you feel thats the right belief for you, dont do it to please him and his family. It is a big step and change of life. Think twice, the man you know since 2 1/2 years will be not the same in his country.
2007-10-31 02:47:14 · answer #7 · answered by Rain 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you that it is your choice if you want to wear the head scarf and convert to Islam. The Qur'an itself does not suggest either that women should be veiled or they should be kept apart from the world of men. Your fiance should accept you if you are from either Christianity or Judaism. So, he should not be trying to get you to convert to Islam unless you are willing to do so. If he forces you to wear the headscarf or forces you to convert to Islam, you should leave him. I wish you the best.
2007-11-02 10:29:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Also from me....Turkey is a modern country.And when you don`t want to wear a Headscarf just leave it.His Family has to take you just the way you are and when he doesn`t stand on you`r side now then tell him to go and never come back.
2007-10-31 08:15:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
That's probably it. I think he feels insecure about introducing you to his family, who is possibly conservative. It would make him look good if he could present you as a Muslim. You see if you didn't have any headscarf his parents could have their second thoughts about you having really converted to Islam. Americans have a bad picture in Turkey. Most of them think American women are promiscous (think about the series "Desperate Housewives") It might somewhat help you if you could put on a face and walk the walk, that's if you love him of course. It will leave a good impression on them and keep them happy. Unless you want to move to Turkey and live with your inlaws. If that is ever likely to happen then no faking.
2007-10-31 08:44:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋