My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years and we are talking about moving in together. He has full custody of his kids, his daughter is 7 and his son is 5. We have decided to take this very slow with me spending more time there over the next few months then eventually moving my stuff in and getting rid of my apartment. We've talked to the kids about this and his son is fine with it but his daughter is not. She thinks that I'm going to take away time with her Dad and she still thinks that her Mom and Dad should be together. They've been divorced for awhile now and she has spent more time with her Dad then her Mom. I told her that was not going to happen (taking time away from her Dad) and that I want to move in so we can all be a family. But she is still not liking the idea. I'm assuming that this is normal when a "step parent" moves in. Has anyone been through this and how did you deal and help the kids deal with the changes?
2007-10-30 11:23:36 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Very normal. Both of her parents need to sit down and tell her that they are not ever going to get back together and that is part of life. Whether she likes it or not, her daddy is moving on to a better companion for him, you.
2007-10-30 11:29:17 · answer #1 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girls are always like this; even as young as seven. She, like an adult female, sees you as competition and a threat to her, not just the wanting her parents reunite. Of course, being seven, she should not get her way and you should absolutely move in and just treat her the way you treat her brother; no better, no worse. She is begging for attention and special treatment and being, even for a 7 year old, very selfish. Your life and her father's life should not be influenced or dictated by a spoiled child. She needs to learn she cannot have things her way, period. She doesn't like the idea? Too bad. She'll just have to get used to it. If you make too much fuss and sacrifice too much of yourself she will think she can rule the roost, so to speak. Be kind, talk to her, and tell her this is the way things are going to be. Period. Both of her parents need to do the same. Bottom line, she needs to understand she isn't in charge.
2007-10-30 18:52:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
rather than move in, he should tell her that you are going to marry him because you love each other and let her be a part of the wedding process and she may enjoy that, and then get married before you move in together. the fact that you are moving in slowly may seem to her that you are sneaking in rather than starting a new life together. You can then perhaps get her involved in the wedding to some extent and just the two of you do things like go shopping for a dress for her as flower girl and so on. she may get so excited about that that she will accept you more easily.
2007-10-30 18:45:25 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal. What I would suggest you do is to have a "you and her time". once a week set up a date with her. Let her get to know you. Show her that you are no threat. That's what I did with my ex's daughter. Even after him and I broke up, she spends the weekends with me. Show her you're going to be there no matter what.
2007-10-30 18:38:52 · answer #4 · answered by Natural 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's very normal. just don't ignore her cries, she needs attention, and if you do move in, be very patient. good luck
2007-10-30 18:38:30 · answer #5 · answered by just in case 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋