She is rude, spoiled, smokes and does weed. I don't want her in my home but i also don't like lecturing her because she's rude. My daughter doesn't want her because they had a big fight and someone called the police. I agreed to have her for one week but I don't know how I can bear it. She's so manipulative and she's stolen from my house. I don't know how to put with her because being nice doesn't seem to change her. She curses whenever she doesn't get what she wants. I made it clear that I won't have any weeds or drugs in the house and she can smoke OUTSIDE if she wants. She won't listen to me and I am not about to get physical because i never hit any of my children. Also, she's sixteen.
2007-10-30 11:17:09 · 50 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
motherpeanutbutterbutinsky, you're wrong because all my children are wonderful loving people. I suspect my granddaughter's demeanor comes from her father's side.
2007-10-30 13:42:26 · update #1
Two choices:
Military School
Or you become the Drill Instructor at home. It will be difficult. Get her up at 0400 for a run. Don't hit her. Sleep depravation is far worse. Make her qtip your entire house. Make it so hard, it will be a punishment to be there. So, she'll think twice about coming.
If she is underage, by all means, military schools are all over the US.
Regards,
Former US MARINE.
2007-10-30 11:21:45 · answer #1 · answered by SICARIUS 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Don't let her have her way!!! You have to be super strict with her and don't worry about her hating you after because it's for her well being in the end. If you have to, go through her things and look for the drugs and weed and throw it all out.
You don't want to be physical because you never have been with your own kids, but have your own kids ever been this disrespectful towards you? I think she needs some major discipline, and yes, that means getting physical. You can't be a push over because then she'll know she can have her way with you. Don't let her! You have to stop this behavior now or it'll only get worse and she gets older.
I have to agree with some of the things shalirha had to say. She doesn't need a whole bunch of hate, she needs some love too and some attention paid to her. I have a fourteen yr. old cousin who is going down that same path and it's mostly because she has been spoiled by my grandma when she was little and now that my aunt "takes care of her" she's starting to get the same way. We suspect her of taking drugs, she's rude to mostly everyone and is having sex. Sadly, my aunt doesn't know how to be a mother and let's my cousin do what she wants and never pays any real attention to her. She's badly in need of some "tough love" as said by shalirha and some good discipline.
2007-10-30 11:25:35 · answer #2 · answered by Miss Sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Day by day. Kids, especially teenagers, are hardheaded. It takes a while for things to sink in. Stand your ground, you have rules in your house and are providing her with a place to stay. You do not owe her anything, you are doing her a favor so she does not have to sleep in the street. Giving in to her will only reinforce the idea that she can do what ever the hell she wants. If she is stealing from you, threatening or even actually, calling the police might have to be in order. Same for the drugs, and read some of my other answers I all but condone drug use. If you do not want them in your house, do not allow it. Why should you put yourself at legal ntm health risk? It does not make you a bad person in the least, just because you love her does not mean you have to let her take you down with her. Knowing you are not going to go for her shenanigans will eventually sink in, will not be over night. It is your house you are the boss there can not be any compromise on that.
2007-10-30 11:41:37 · answer #3 · answered by thestarelder 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cynthia, why would you do that? If her own mother can't handle her why should she expect you to? Withdraw that invitation or you will regret it, you know how she is...she badly needs to spend a few weeks in one of those tough love boot camps. That, or jail. She has been allowed to reach the age of sixteen with this behavior which is really her mother's fault; why should YOU suffer for your daughter's total lack of parenting skills? NOTHING you do or say will make any difference; this is the teen from hell.
Seriously, do NOT allow her into your home...in fact, do not allow her into your life uuntil she gets the help and discipline which has been missing all her life. She is going down a very bad path right now, unless someone stops her before she crashes.
Actually calling the police is the best idea! Let them take her and keep her in detention for a few weeks...guaranteed she will obey them!
Whatever you do though, withdraw that invititation!
2007-10-30 11:31:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take her back to her mother. Why should you put up with this stressful situation. You already paid your dues raising children. If you keep her by the end of the week there will be another big fight and YOUR neighbors will call the police . You are in danger. Make a huge dramatic thing out of this so she gets it! Hire a security guard if you need to to force her into the car and also protect you from whatever might happen. THis might sound drastic but you need to think preventatively
2007-10-30 11:26:40 · answer #5 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think this spoiled brat needs a wake up call! I would call the cops on her and put her in jail. Let her see the side she doesn't want to see. She will be very grateful of you when she has to sleep in a tiny cell with a cement floor, eat nasty food and have no drugs or cigs. I was just like that when I was a teenager. I shop lifted, did drugs, smoked and disrespected my family as well. My parents took me to a treatment center and were going to leave me there for a few months! I cried and begged them to bring me home. They did. I did a complete turn around. Now I have been sober for more than 5 years and graduated high school and have a family of my own. I wish you all the luck in the world. You are an awesome person to take her, but she needs to respect you and if she can't kick her out. I think that it takes growing up. If she survives to be an adult she will thank you and probablly change in a few years, but for now tough love!
2007-10-30 11:23:21 · answer #6 · answered by Sadbrowneyes13 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is no need to hit her. I think you should allow her to see the real side of the world- set her up in a half way house or group home setting for a week( call a few agencies and see what they can do for a short time- my grandmother works at once and people do it all the time, but usually for 1-3 month periods where the kids can go home on the weekends) anyway I would give her some tough love and yell at her and tell her how lucky she is to have a family that even cares about her. I think you should assist her in finding a job to occupy some of her time outside of school. and she also needs some spirital guidance- I would say church may help her also. The girl seems like she wants to already run her own life. Take her to the doctor and have the doctor explain how she is abusing her own body with the drugs and cigaretts. It seems you care about her deeply so please don't give up on her. I say a prayer for both you and her becasuse some young people are mis guided because adults in thier life have given up on them and turned them loose. Just please don't give up on her- keep at her and keep on top of her. Not saying she has to be a completly different person, but she should atleast come to the point where she respects those helping her in this world. I would let her know just how easy it would be for you to just send her off into the cruel world and everything she has now would look like a luxury- just simple things like having her own bed, being able to eat when she wants- being able to live in a world where people love her even at points where it seems like she is not even loving herself. She should atleast respect you. I really don't like to see or hear about situations where young women are forced (not by choice but as a matter of survival) to use thier body to get by and definatly not saying that is your grand daughter - but just to the point that that is someone's reality and you don't want it to be her's- just keep on top of her- PLEASE- good luck
2007-10-30 11:32:59 · answer #7 · answered by shalirha 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As all teenagers she`s probably angry at the world. How do you think it makes her feel that her mother doesn`t want her? Maybe she is also acting out from this. I have been through something like this before (i was like her), the thing that got me to straighten out was getting rules and that someone actually stayed to them and didn`t just throw them away everytime they got tired of my yelling. be consistent!Maybe all she wants deep inside is for someone to love her and show her you`ll be there for her. Yes of course it will be difficult in the beginning but it will be better after a while.Look on some websites about raising teenagers, there are some good sites. Don`t waist your voice trying to yell louder than her it wont get you respect. Don`t give up give it time and she`ll change just stick to your rules...You should also talk to your daughter, who in their right mind asks their daughter to leave (not a good parenting strategy). I thought you were suppose to stand by your children through thick and thin, because you love them and yourchild is worth fighting for so they get a good future.
2007-10-30 12:06:39 · answer #8 · answered by med. student mom 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
she needs someone to wake her up to reality. I assume that she is from a divorced family since you never mentioned the father. The best thing you could do is to perhaps get her busted for the drugs and put somewhere that she can get some counseling. I think that you might try calling Protective Services and talk to someone there to see if they have any ideas but she does need some intervention or she is going to possibly have a very short, tragic life.
2007-10-30 11:25:39 · answer #9 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW shes 16? sounds like boot camp time, my sister isn't as bad but she was pretty much the same and eventually she got arrested and put in TYC Texas youth commission for a year. talking to her and yelling at her NEVER worked all she cared about was what her friends thought. but when she came back home she changed her ways! WHATEVER U DO DON'T GIVER HER WHAT SHE WANTS. if u kick her out she'll love that cause then she can go bum off her friends until their parents get tired of it too. Good Luck!
2007-10-30 11:22:07 · answer #10 · answered by nicki_viau 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋