Would you think i was horrible if I changed my mind and did not want to foster only adopt?

Question

My wife and i want one more child but biologically is to risky. We did the classes for foster to adopt. They give you all the worst case senorias which they should so you know what you are getting into. We are having our homestudy soon. We are thinking of just adopting and not fostering first. I don't want to get attached and wait a year for parental rights to be terminated and if they aren't the child goes home. I thik it will tear me up. i would rahter just get the call after the rights have been terminated and there is no chance of them leaving.

We are going throught the county so even if we don't foster we get to sort of "interview" the child as it were. You get weekend visit and it is a few months process and for older kids they have a say wheather or not if they want you also

Answer 1

Well if you are so was I! It is natural to want a child and
it is best for them too to bond and be part of a family,
with out the constant anxiety of moving hanging over their
heads, I adopted and could not do foster!!!!!
I have 9 awesome kids.
Remember, God builds families, He will send you the children
he has picked to entrust to you.
Frankly, working under the Children and Youth (as foster)
system is a real eye opener and heart break. The things
done to kids that harm them are worse in the system than
any other place.

Answer 2

I think it is great that are you are thinking of an adoption.

I am assuming, the program you are talking about let you foster a child on temporary basis to determine you have a good match. If this is the case, I *think*, it works to YOUR BENEFIT that you get to have a "trial time" before the final commitments are made. Were you able to find out, under what condition, such termination could occur? Surely, they don't randomly terminate the arrangement, if the child and the parent combination is working well.

I am thinking, it would be the worst case senario IF you adopt and find out it is not at all what you were looking for.

Answer 3

There is nothing wrong with asking only for adoption cases. However, I know that in our state 'Adoption only' people have a much longer wait (unless, or course, you take a special needs kid).

We adopted two little boys through the state They are young (less than 3), healthy, attractive, and only marginally 'delayed', and are otherwise very 'desirable'. We fostered them for many months before they were placed for adoption. If we had not fostered them, there is no way we would have gotten the chance to adopt. If they had just been placed for adoption there would have been a lot of competition from other families. But, as their foster parents, we got the chance to adopt before anyone else (as well as count the foster time toward the adoption trial period).

You need to know that if you adopt only, you may be waiting, perhaps for years, before a suitable child become available and for you to be selected for the child.

Here may be another option, in our state there is something called "Legal Risk". What this means is that you are "Foster to Adopt", but you specify that you are only interested in taking children who are 'likely' to be placed for adoption. In our case, the mother was supposed to get drug testing and go into rehab, she didn't, so the boys were listed as legal risk because the case worker saw no evidence that she was going to get clean before the one-year time limit for placement.

Answer 4

No, that is understandable. It's hard to get attached with the possibility of the child being taken away. A foster parent is there to help in a time of need, it does not mean you would always get the chance to adopt.

Answer 5

i think that makes alot of sense and I can totally understand your reasonig for it too. I don't think it is horrible. I think it is justified and resonable

Answer 6

no not @ all