Now I think he wants to leave me, cause I don't feel the same way he does. What should I do to keep him in my life? What should I say? Cause it happened when we was watching the movie Casper. and the part at the end when Cat the girl mother was an angel and meet up with her father. He saids everytime he watches that part it makes him want to cry cause his wife died 20 yrs ago. And if I don't say nothing that pleases him about his ex-wife he gets mad and says that I have a cold heart and that he needs to leaves me. I don't know what to do. How can I tell him thats not true at all?
2007-10-30 08:20:28 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
YOU NEED To leave him! hE ISN't over her and until he is over her HE cannot love you back...YOU Can't force him to change his feelings for her nor can you ever make him love you the way you want. Be independent and don't depend on him! Go out and meet other guys. Be happy and not be stuck w/a guy who's still sprung on his dead wife.
2007-10-30 08:27:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Tell him exactly that: "That's not true."
The event of his wife dying had some grueling effects on him and now, it's affecting you because you care for him. Try inviting him to talk about. Do not get irritated or impatient. Instead, just listen to him. Become and active listener. When he tells you he is feeling this, ask him why. Inquire about his feelings and emotions. Not only will it help him work out the kinks in his feelings, but it will help you two bond better.
When he said that you have a cold heart and that he needs to leave you, he is getting defensive. This usually means that there is something that's beneath the surface. It might be a little tough to get him to open up, but once you do, your relationship will deepen tremendously. Good luck!
2007-10-30 08:27:31 · answer #2 · answered by Kyoko 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please bare with me for a moment while I climb up on my soap box. Ok, I'm up here, let's begin. Unfinished business in this case is the same as unresolved feelings. He was dumped, which anybody that has been can tell you it SUCKS! But he was, for someone else that could give her something he couldn't. It is hard to get past those feelings of "what was wrong with me?" "what did I do wrong?" "why couldn't they love me?" and so on. She didn't take him back before because she wasn't ready. Now, she's in a bad spot in her relationship and she knows there's someone out there who still has feelings for her. Which is probably why they started chatting again, for her to test the waters. You need to let him know, "you go ahead, take the time you need to resolve that unfinished business of yours, but don't be surprised when I'm not here when you make up your mind". Because more than liikely what will happen is they will get back together for a short time, she will once again remember why she dumped him, and dump him again, and he'll come running back to you, until she needs him again. That is no way for you to live your life. See, my momma never taught me how to share. So, when it comes to love and relationships I'm selfish. It's all or nothing. If you can't give me all your heart, don't bother giving me any. I won't settle for scraps, and neither should you. But hey, that's me I'm talking about. Now if you decide to wait it out, and see if he comes back there are some serious questions you have to ask yourself. Could you really ever trust him again. Every time he visited with his family, you would wonder, is he seeing her again? Everytime he talked to her you'd wonder, are they rekindling those feelings again? Can you live your life with this man always wondering, doubting, not trusting? Sweetie, you have to let him go. Not for him, more for yourself. I know you love him and this hurts like hell and sucks wide but this is no way to live your life. You cannot be put on the back burner so he can see if he can heat things up with an old flame. I know you were suppose to get married in 2 months, but would you rather find out now, or after you say I DO? You need someone who will put you first, put your love first, and commit to the relationship and give you 100%, and don't settle for less.
2016-05-26 02:54:16 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cant imagine how bad it would be to lose my husband. But when it happens ( if he goes before me) I wont be able to get over him. In life, we get stuck on at least one person. Your fiance got stuck on his ex. (maybe 1st love) You cant complete with the dead. So this is something you are going to have to learn to ignore, respect, and forget or you will have to get another man. His feelings after 20 years are probably not going to dissipate. I'm sorry, but maybe he needs to talk to someone about it. It sounds like it really did some damage on him.
2007-10-30 08:28:06 · answer #4 · answered by demo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ever stop to think that maybe just maybe he needs to let it all out. Maybe he never got over her death. No biggie. That just means he loved her. You should be more understanding and just hug him and tell him you love him and let him cry until he is cried out. Maybe he never had the cahnce to do that when she died. And maybe thats something he needs to do. nd also maybe he should not watch Casper anymore if it only upset him ..
2007-10-30 08:27:56 · answer #5 · answered by dollbaby2407 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not going to say your rude. Insensitive yes. She is gone, and therefore, honestly, there is nothing to fear in that. My husband's ex wife commited suicide almost a year ago. I was compassionate to that because I know they had their differences but I wasnt going to be insensitive. He loved her once and that was way before me I cannot change that. But in turn, I think it is something that he should keep to himself and have respect for your feelings. Try to be more sensitive regardless. It makes you a better person.
2007-10-30 08:26:48 · answer #6 · answered by lisa r 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to lighten up. Let him have his feelings for her-she is no threat to you. Don't say negative things about her-EVER-that will only make him defensive. Let him have her picture out if he wants to. Sounds like you two really have no business getting married-you have too many issues still going on in your personal lives.
2007-10-30 08:24:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No point to stir up dead horses or wifes let him has his moment if he loved her that much he will love you that much also.
Plus you know he did marry her I guess he didn't expect her to die so young, I mean these issues hurt and you can't surpress them.
Plus he is veing totally honest to you so you really can't beat that in a relationship.
2007-10-30 08:25:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no offense but if she was still here were would yall b
u wouldnt want to hear bout her all the time cus thats the thought of a nother women w/ ur man let him no how u feel u respect that he cares so much but u didn't no her so how could u sob bout her
2007-10-30 08:24:44 · answer #9 · answered by scarlett_bytch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like a 2 sided story. Are you giving us the full version? It doesnt sound real.
2007-10-30 08:25:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋