I need some opinions here. I haven't spoken to my dad in 4 years, because I lost touch with him on purpose. It's a long story but basically my dad did me really wrong my entire childhood. I realized one day I didn't love him and that he's in my life only because he is my dad, no other reason. He made things this way. I have been his secret love child for years and I am not taking it anymore. I am tired of being hidden from his family and friends. I have a 4 year old child that he doesn't know about and I do not have it in my heart to allow him to meet my son. He found my info through the internet and called me yesterday, he sounds like he wants to talk to me, but I don't want to talk to him. I am thinking I should just write him a letter explaining why I cannot continue pretending everything is ok, and that I no longer want contact with him. Is this cowardly? I really don't want to talk to him and it's too late to work anything out, but I think closure is needed.
2007-10-30 07:42:57 · 21 answers · asked by Bee Biscuits 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Writing a letter is very acceptable. It gives you a chance to talk without interruption or having to defend yourself.
Honey you have no obligation in this world to talk to anybody that you don't want to.
Write the letter, mail it and keep a copy for yourself. Reread that letter from time to time to make sure you still feel that way, but honestly I don't blame you at all.
I think it is wrong for him to take it upon himself to place a phone call to you first. He should've written a letter asking permission to call you. I assume that he got voice mail?
You can email me if you want to talk about this. But I support you and hope that he doesn't pester you.
(((hugs)))
Madame Blueberry
2007-10-30 09:55:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are cowardly at all. Infact I think it takes a great deal of courage to not allow this man to cause you more pain. I liken it to pruning the branch of a tree. Sometimes it is just necessary to trim off a branch in order to save the whole tree. You are the tree and you have a four. year old child to nurture and protect You have to do what is right for you and your son,so I would write the letter and keep it for a week to be sure it expressed what you need to say. Keep a copy of it so there is no doubt in your mind as to what you have written. You may be able to make peace when your own son is a little older, but you just aren't ready right now. It is ok to say that and if your dad is really ready to accept responsibility for his shabby treatment of you he ,should respect that.
2007-10-30 08:17:02 · answer #2 · answered by Mama Mia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go ahead and write the letter explaining why you cannot continue pretending that everything is okay but then leave the ball in his court -he obviously cares enough about you to track you down and contact you-it took a lot of guts on his part-it may not be too late to work anything out-he may be trying to reach out to you because he realizes the error of his ways-he may never be "dad" but give him a chance to be at least a friend to you
2007-10-30 07:58:28 · answer #3 · answered by suan b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmm, that's a hard situation..I understand how you feel..My Dad died when I was 15 but him and mom wasn't together since i was like 4. But he re-married soon after..I didn't spend much time with him after that. I spend maybe 2 summers with him. So 2 summers from age 4-15..is not much..But, when he passed I felt bad that I didn't spend more time with him..I was very stubborn..My mom would tell me to call him, but My thing was if he wanted to see/speak to me, he knew how to reach..so I went years without seeing my dad..But I was at the point where I just didn't care..It didn't affect me in the least that he wasn't around. cuz my mom was a SUPER parent. But it took a toll on me when he died, more that i thought it would.I was thinking maybe I should've spoke to him a little more, or saw him more. I think if something happened to your dad that you would think differently. you know that cliche saying "you never miss something, until its gone"..well, i think thats the truth..I think the reason I was like that with my dad is because I knew he was around..and never thought of the idea of him not being there. I think you two should meet up and have a talk..regardless of how you feel about him, he's still your father, and without him you would not be here..tell him how you feel, and how he's made you feel all your life. A little crying and arguing will cure or at least ease the tension that you have towards him. and then you guys should work at it from there..i hope this helps you..just remember he will not be around forever.
2007-10-30 09:18:17 · answer #4 · answered by Fabe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow Buttery B. I'm Not Really That Great At Giving Advise On Stuff Like This But , i Wish You The Best off Luck and hope everything works out for ya
Peace
2007-10-30 16:42:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar child hood...A man cant be in two places and half the time he choose to be with his OTHER family...I kinda still lost favor of my father because of that...and the fact that it caused us a lot of mental pain...especially my mom...If you feel like you should express how you feel to him for closure...Go ahead...but it already shows that he is hurt because he is wondering about you...and your not thinking about him...I would give him the chance but let him make the effort. Dat all...I dont associate with my father much anymore I dont call him...here and there he calls me...but I have nothing much to say to him...just empty...But I do let my daughter talk to him...thats about it...But I think that yall should talk face to face let him see that u are doing just fine and depending on how things go...Make the decision on whether you want him around or not. Cuz like you said its too late to work that ish out...ur grown u needed him as a child.
2007-10-30 19:06:45 · answer #6 · answered by Ns@YnE 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Writing a letter sounds like the best way to go. It's not cowardly at all. If you just ignored him that would be cowardly. Write your letter and continue living your life the way you want.
2007-10-30 09:18:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This saddens me because I am a father and I don't know what I would do if my baby no longer wanted anything to do with me. I have no clue on what you should do and I can't give an objective answer. The best thing I can say is, do what is in your heart. The only people that have to live with the decision are your father and youself.
2007-10-30 10:39:55 · answer #8 · answered by King of Biscuits 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow, it is genuinely heavy. yeah, i think of he's genuinely sorry and does love you very a lot. yet yeah, he's have been given his very own relatives with a lot of youngsters. your mom has performed an superb interest elevating you and your sister, you're able to understand and recognize that. i ask your self what proportion nights she cried and cried by way of fact she replaced into petrified of existence and how she replaced into going to strengthen you. and no rely how a lot your dad apologizes, it won't undo the soreness and suffering that your mom went by using. seem, no rely what befell, he does love you. yet you do no longer desire to harm your mom the two. perhaps you could attempt calling him as quickly as a month. you won't know it, yet your stepdad is genuinely greater of a dad to you. take it sluggish. your organic and organic dad can in no way make up for those 8 yrs. be trouble-free on your mom and your sister. they're greater significant precise now. as quickly as you change 18, there are greater issues you're able to do inclusive of your dad. appears like mom continues to be very harm approximately how issues left off. and that i'm confident there is greater approximately your dad which you do no longer understand. commence slowly. assorted years left.
2016-10-03 00:58:15 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him to go on with his life cause he thought more about his self than your better being as a child allowed you to grow up and make your own way without him and why dose he want to show up while its easy hes just being nosey.. I feel you on that one.. he hasnt been there so why bother now.. But telling him want hurt.. and I would ask him not to call you ever again ..
If he wants to introduce you to his family than maybe he is soul searching and in that case if you want to let him in on that note its cool.. but um.. just cause he is your doaner dont mean he has any rights. he forfitted that a long time ago..
Man im mad at that shyt.. I cant stand when men do that.. If you made that bed lye in it.. he ran like a coward.. and he dont deserve to be in your life or your sons.. why so he can bounce out of your babies life like he did you than he messes up both of yall. and 20 years from now have your son asking questions to strangers on a site similar to this about why his mom dad did that.. Hell no.. "TELL THAT U NO WHAT TO KICK ROCKS!!!"
2007-10-30 09:09:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋