I got caught cheating. Big mistake because I almost lost someone very important to me. He wasnt always around like he should have been but that is no excuse. Although we werent exclusive we had an understanding that we would see where our relationship went but not have sex with other people. Well now he says that the only way for me to wipe the slate clean is to prove to him that I can be trusted. How on earth do I do that when I violated our trust already??? I want things to work between us and have no plans to see that other guy ever again. Any suggestions?
2007-10-30 07:32:29 · 25 answers · asked by marilynalexis25 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can't force him to see it that way.
2007-10-30 07:35:24 · answer #1 · answered by your_star_03 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is nothing you can do to
"wipe the slate clean".
What's done is done,
he will never forget what you did.
Over time, he can forgive you, if you shape-up,
but the pain will always be somewhere in the back of his mind and he will always be watching you closely for "yellow flags", danger signs that you are still prone to cheating.
If you want to put the effort into your relationship and prove that you learned your lesson, you will have to do several things over a long period of time to show him that you can now be trusted.
a)If you are one of those girls that has several guy "friends", you need severely cut that down,
because this is a yellow flag that will make your guy concerned. If you do have guy friends, don't things alone with them, and don't talk to them alone without your guy around.
b)You need always be a woman of your word.
If you plan a date together, you better make-sure you don't flake, or he will suspect that you are messing with another guy again.
c)You need to communicate with him at all times.
Don't play games with him or drop hints hoping that he can read your mind. Us guys are not mind readers and women need to learn that.
d)When you are with him, he better not catch you checking out other guys ever.
Even if you do everything right from now-on, there's no guarantee that he will ever completely trust you again.
2007-10-30 08:03:02 · answer #2 · answered by andybosik 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you already lost the trust so now you have to earn it back all over again. I am a firm believer in seeing is believing. You just have to show him in your actions that nothing like this will ever happen again. Having someone to cheat on you is a very big deal and can take a long time to be able to trust that person again. So you are going to have to be patient in understanding that it does take time. They can forgive but they never forget.
2007-10-30 07:39:23 · answer #3 · answered by rebekah g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him how u feel about him.. tell him that maybe because of the fact that u were actually "not exclusive" maybe u took it for granted, however, you really love him, and u want a second chance with him. tell him that ever since u got caught.. u haven't been able 2 stop thinking about him, and there might not be a way 4 u 2 prove him that you haven't done anything else with any1 else... but if u guys get back together, u will try ur hardest 2 keep yourself only for him bcuz no1 makes u feel the way he makes u feel and that u haven't had those feelings for any1 either never or in a long time..
2007-10-30 07:38:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats going to take time. you cant prove something like that in one big gesture. you just need to be honest from now on and if you really care about this guy then your actions will show that. if he needs more than that, then he is insecure. although, once trust has been broken its hard to get back. it can be done, but it wont be the same. he'll always be thinking "what if" even if you really are trying to make an effort. you should communicate more, talk to him about why you did it. get to the real issue and work from there.
2007-10-30 07:37:45 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet Thang 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, I don't buy it... You weren't exclusive, and that means that you can be with whomever, and do whatever you want. If he wanted to make sure, you didn't share your time, and or body with someone else then he would step up to the bat, and made sure you weren't available for anyone else if he cared that much. Sorry, a man who doesn't want to share you, makes a commitment. He doesn't hold you hostage, after you went and did your thing when you were "Single" You tell him, if he wants a commitment with you, that you are willing to give up all other opportunity to be with others, and if he isn't ready for that then it's unfortunate, but you can't be committed to someone who isn't willing to make a verbal and emotional commitment. This is relationship is about control. Trust me...... I'm sure he isn't being a squeaky clean as you may think. If he is, it sure would surprise me, because he isn't even around as much as he should be according to your testimony. Think about it hon.
2007-10-30 07:47:24 · answer #6 · answered by junebug 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
its pretty hard to bring back the trust, im a guy and something similar happened, its not impossible but its hard. In my case i completely lost the trust and didnt even bother giving a 2nd chance. but if you wanna try the Best thing to do would be to do alot of things for him and show him that you love him instead of saying it by words, remember actions sometimes speak louder than words, and to make up your going to have to show it more than him since you were the one that messed up.
2007-10-30 08:03:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be accountable, honest and dependable. If you say you will be somewhere at 7pm, be there no later than 7pm.
But honestly, this is a forgive and forget situation. He doesn't necessarily have to forget it happened, but he has to forget the pain and not hold that over your head. Thats not fair to you or him. He needs to either get over it and try to work on things or you both need to move on.
Sounds like you'll be doing some hoop jumping
2007-10-30 07:36:10 · answer #8 · answered by Phil M 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it's impossible to prove you can be trusted, only prove that you can't be trusted, if he's making it difficult for you, you should really move on, you have learnt a valuable lesson, but you shouldn't be made to pay for it forever...
good luck with what ever you do
take care
2007-10-30 07:38:41 · answer #9 · answered by Poombs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your compunction is true and deep then if he loves you he has to feel it. Yey you made a mistake, but he can also make an other one if he does not recognise your deep feelings. I do not say that it is OK, if a man forgives a regular promiscuous cheating. But that is ungenerosity to make a long problem from one cheating and ask for impossible verifications.
2007-10-30 07:46:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need t ask him what it will take. I don't believe it is possible to "prove" you can be trusted. So if he can't tell you what the test is, then it means an indefinite period where you just have to accept that he doesn't trust you. By indefinite period I mean probably 10+ years.
2007-10-30 07:37:37 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋