He left me in the midst of an arguement and we were fighting quite a bit lately, I do believe we both had issues we could have worked on, he however, was unwillingly to do so. I would have stuck by him through anything because I love him and we did have something very special.
After the breakup he had no contact with me for two weeks, I called him a few times but he did not want to talk and he refused any possibility of a future reconciliation. I Offered it all, a break, seeing eachother less I even told him that I would seek counselling for my controlling behavior, he wouldn't hear any of it. As time passed he began to respond to my emails and we got together a few times but strictly for sex. We mutually agreed on this arrangement, but I find myself struggling to keep my feelings out of it. He is the love of my life and if this is the only way to keep him in my life then I'll do it for now, but I will always hold out hope that one day he will come back. Am I just being dumb?
2007-10-30 07:23:03 · 26 answers · asked by emptyheart 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is only using you right now until he can find it somewhere else. Get rid of him and find a real man
2007-10-30 07:27:16 · answer #1 · answered by little_red1006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put simply...as long as he can have sex witrh you he feels like he's still got you. As long as he's got that he feels like anything else is just a small effort to get back. So he has you
available to him as long as he wants you for whatever.
The only thing that makes a guy miss a girl and want her back is the sincere belief that he might lose her. Which doesn't mean "here's where you start playing mind games with him"
Nope. Men are Dogs. Women are just as bad. We all want what we want when we want it. If you corner the guy and tell him that he won't get anymore sex til he resumes the full committed relationship, if he agrees all you have changed is that now he is a captive who is looking for ways to get what he wants (other women) without you finding out about it.
The only way this turns around...the only chance of it turning around is to end the sex and make him chase you again. That means dates. Dates that don't lead to sex. I say make him wait a month or two of dates before you two have sex again. That's assuming there are at least 6 or 7 dates in there. If he gets impatient, then its not really a relationship he wants. He just wants to know he can still have you. If a guy knows that, then he's happy. Anytime you think he's knows that...give him reason to doubt. I'm not saying cheat or make him think you are. Just be prepared to take him down a notch every once in a while. If he tells you he's sure he's getting some tonight, send him home without any.
Follow these simple instructions and you two just might grow old together.
2007-10-30 14:38:02 · answer #2 · answered by Graham M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not rule it out completely. Sometimes people do break up and get back together. But honestly you would probably be better off to cut him off and if he really wants to be with you he will be with you on other levels and not just a physical one. If you were fine with your relationship being just physical, then it would be different. You also have to think about the fact that if he is out there on the single scene, how long will it be before he has someone else and doesn't want to be with you anymore? Or worse, he tells you that he is seeing someone else but still wants to have sex with you? Think about how much you are hurting your heart, and try to think with your head. I know its tough..I have been in a similar situation in my own life. Stay strong..and Good Luck!
2007-10-30 14:32:36 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have answered your own question.
You cannot separate your feelings after 5 years and keep it "strictly sex'
It sounds like you are trying to use the sex as an edge back in if you are holding out hope that one day he will come back.
Let it go. See someone else, especially this soon after a break up. Don't have sex with him. It will only confuse.
2007-10-30 14:29:21 · answer #4 · answered by ♪ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Allowing him to just use you for sex is a sure way to lose all respect he has for you. And, you for yourself. It doesn't sound as though he is interested in you for relationship. I would suggest that you go for counseling for your controlling behavior anyway so as not to jeopardize future relationships. He may be the love of your life today, but your life is not over. Move on and find another love. You are only torturing yourself in this negative relationship.
2007-10-30 14:35:08 · answer #5 · answered by Maggie May 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all yes you are dumb. He is using you for sex until he finds someone else.
Second, get the counseling anyway so it wont ruin the next relationship youre in. Guys detest controlling women as much a women detest controlling men. Relationships are not about control.
2007-10-30 14:28:45 · answer #6 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's just using you for sex - but nothing more.
You don't have a relationship - except for sex.
You need to gather yourself some strength from somewhere because you are really worth so much more than this.
You are being abused - physically and mentally.
Say "No More!"
He either commits himself to you or you both move on
2007-10-30 14:34:09 · answer #7 · answered by StretfordEnder 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from someone who has been in this situation twice before, get out now before you get hurt again!
It is just sex to him. He walked out on you once before, he will do it again. I have been though this twice. The first one, we broke up but were still in love. We used to sleep together for a while, and I suggested we get back together. He said no, he didn't want to be tied down, and he wanted to be able to sleep with other girls if he wanted to.
The second one was a bit worse, he dumped me over the phone while I was with my friends. We didn't see each other for a while, but ended up sleeping together. I eventually told him that I still loved him and wanted to be with him, and he said I wasn't smart enough for him. He told me that he dumped me because he stopped loving me months before he had the courage to break up.
You deserve better than that! Get out while your heart is still in tact. Good luck.
2007-11-04 19:46:54 · answer #8 · answered by LisaMaree 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not being dumb!
Look im only 15 but i've done a lot of things to know doing anything you came just to be with the one you love is the smartist thing you can do. Talk to him if all he wants is sex then he might not be right for you.
2007-10-30 14:29:13 · answer #9 · answered by ~Julina~ 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if you are seeing him "physically" he could care less about you. he doesn't care about your emotions, what you feel toward him, your likes and dislikes, what's going on in your life, nothing. he doesn't really care, you just give him pleasure. end of story. it will never grow, things like this never do. he won't be coming back into your life. if you want to get over him, which you are going to have to do, you can't have him around, or be talking to him, or try to talk to him, you need time away from him, totally away with no communication, to help you move on. and I suggest you move on, and forget this loser.
2007-10-30 14:32:36 · answer #10 · answered by Mary Liz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋