My husband and I are 1st time foster parents. We are meeting with 2 young boys that are very emotionally delayed due to neglect. Should we attempt to take them into our once childless home or should we keep our home open for a less challenging opportunity?
2007-10-30 06:13:28 · 9 answers · asked by KM 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
We are going into Foster parenting very well prepared (believe me). I wonder if others have cared for emotionally delayed children and have had richer lives because of it. We do understand that any of the children in Foster care are going to have extra needs, just want to be sure before we disrupt the kids lives. We are a concurrent placement home so don't want to take them in and have to disrupt their lives again if things don't work. Better to go in with our eyes open then just go with our heart (which would take any child with any need).
2007-10-30 06:34:13 · update #1
We adopted two little boys.
The 3 year old was delayed in all aspects due to neglect and possible abuse. He had poor social skills, poor speech skills, attachment issues, and he would often 'space out' (literally stare off into nothing for long periods). Assessments done after got him placed him at 9 to 12 months delayed in everything. We have had him in our home now for 8 months and, except for some persisting speech delays, he is a completely normal and loving little boy.
The one year old was also delayed, but more in terms of motor and speech development. We were told 'horror' stories about him and told he was a high demand baby. When we finally got to meet him, and spend time with him we discovered he wasn't really any more work than a normal baby (we had twin daughters naturally many years ago).
In short, take what every the Case Worker or others tell you with a grain of salt. They only know what they see in the file and often that information is incomplete. I would note that the younger they are, then the better the prognosis. However, placed in a loving and secure home even older children catch up quickly.
I would encourage you to keep a very positive outlook moving forward.
2007-10-30 08:08:22 · answer #1 · answered by Wundt 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My fiance was an "emotionally delayed" child when he was taken into foster care... they actually thought at the time it was intellectually delayed but it was more that he refused to speak, rather than didn't know how. His foster mom eventually adopted them, and they grew up perfectly fine... but she had a lot of experience with foster children.
Almost all the children you take in are going to be delayed in some respect. I suggest meeting with them first and then taking it all in...in my humble *which we know is not always so humble lol* opinion foster parents should try and keep the kids in the same foster home until they are either up for adoption, or reunited with the birth family. Some of the hardest parts of being in foster care is being bumped from home to home. I guess what I am saying is that if you don't feel comfortable at the prospect of having these two little boys in your home for a couple of years even if it turns out to be a 24/7 challenge, then perhaps they aren't the right foster children for you.
I didn't mean that to be harsh either, I am sure you and your husband will be excellent foster parents because you actually sound thoughtful about the whole process which is a good thing.
2007-10-30 15:26:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
By concurrent placement, do you mean the main goal is reunification? That is what type of care we do. Being a first time foster parent is scary enough, it's not like bringing home a child from the hospital and having that instinct on what your child needs. Especially if they are delayed in some way. Listen to your heart and that will give you the right answer. We took in two to begin with and were told that they were behind academically...after two + years of therapy and hard work...they are a little behind, but not much.
2007-10-30 16:07:54 · answer #3 · answered by Mom to Foster Children 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you feel that way. WAIT. But you know what. THEY NEED YOU: (
Emotionally delayed children respond well with love, patience & a chance to become themselves. If you have the selflessness it takes, it is rewarding and if not, you shouldn't be doing it. BTW 9 times out of 10 the child/ren will have emotional problems of one type or other. It doesn't exactly make children thrive when they have an unstable home, drugs, deceased parents or whatever. They aren't exactly sending the Ivy League kids to you. maybe you should rethink you choice to foster.
2007-10-30 13:22:43 · answer #4 · answered by TUESDAYSUX 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only the two of you can decide what you can handle!!! It is scary at first... but your heart is going to feel like it will explode from joy some days... and some days you will go to bed irritated thinking "how can I do this better" or "Lord, give me patience!!" But all parents go through these things!!
I cannot decide for you... all I can tell you is what I have learned... and that is that they paint the worst possible picture for you and the kids ALWAYS have good characteristics too. You have to also keep in mind that you WILL have HORRIBLE days (like all moms do).
I wasn't sure about two girls they called us about either... and then I met them... and fell in love instantly!!! That is why you should sit down and read their whole file first!! LOL. All you can do is your best. And after reading their file if you have serious reservations DO NOT FEEL BAD and DO NOT take them into your home... you want what is best for these kids. But if you are just a bit anxious and excited and you and your hubby talk about these kiddos and really want to share your home with them. DO IT!! Nothing is more rewarding.
Bless you.
2007-10-30 16:46:20 · answer #5 · answered by crissygirly 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it's really up to you. you and your husband only know how much you can handle. just think about what it could do for the kids!! if you can't handle it then maybe it isn't time for you to bring emotionally delayed children in... but i think it's great you are going to foster!!! I hope i can do that one day!!!
2007-10-30 13:20:25 · answer #6 · answered by Matilda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats so sweet. i love it when people do that. becasue most people adopt the babies, with no problems whatsoever. and with emotionally delayed children they need someone who has time and love to offer them, or else it will take them much longer. it may take some time but i think in the end if you do choose to adopt them it will be best for them, and it might surprise you with good experiences. Good Luck!
2007-10-30 13:22:54 · answer #7 · answered by Erin The Baker : ) 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Read everything you can read about their special needs and make an informed decision as to whether or not you can provide for them. That's where I encourage you to focus, on whether or not you *can* provide rather than if you are willing to *try*. If you do not feel you can provide for them then it would be better for them to be placed with a family who can do this.
The last thing they need is for a family to accept them with limitations. They need a committed family who will do what it takes to provide for their special needs.
Some foster families are strong with certain special needs, and not so strong in other areas. Don't feel guilty if you can not provide for them and need to pass on this situation. It is not in their best interest if you foster them out of a sense of guilt in my opinion.
2007-10-30 13:46:17 · answer #8 · answered by Peace Yo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to consider this carefully. just being a foster can be a lot of work. this will be moreso, more challenging, maybe more exhausting. it is very important because these boys will need you to offer support and stability in their lives. you will need patience, but try to think mostly of the boys. you need to think long term when you consider this, for their sake
2007-10-30 13:22:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋