is it right to "hate" my mom for this?

Question

okay, when my sister and i were little kids, our mom called us all kinds of names in the book like stupid, idiot, b*tches, retards, and so on. well we grew up learning that we arent what she said we were. we learned raise our own children differently than how we were raised. i promised that i would never be like her. anyway, my mother just had to tell my daughter that she was a stupid little b*tch! my daughter came crying to me and told me what she said. i was so mad and i confronted her and asked why she needed to be called this. she said i can call whoever whatever i want! ive never thought id see that same heartless person again when i was small. i told her you are not my mother and they dont need you either. i told my children that no matter how bad it hurt that she had no right to say that to her GRANDbabies. they are my babies and that they are special to me. so now my mom tries to talk to them as if it never affected them. now they wont have anything to do w/ her i dont mind.

the only time she's capable to be by them is at family gatherings. we avoid her but she comes around the door or hallway as if its nothing. my children ignore her and walk away when she aproaches them. i dont take them to her house and sit there to be put down. sorry for not explaining that part. but thanks for all input.

Answer 1

If it was me and my mother talked to my children that way I would cut her out of my life. She is abusive to you and them so I dont understand why you allow her around at all anyway. If you dont protect your children no one will. She doesnt deserve to be near any of you. What a hateful miserable vicious mean piece of human trash she is.

Answer 2

hating someone will only bring your more grief in the long run. While it is true that she had no right to call your child that She needs to be pitied not hated. What you will be teaching your children is to hate and not to forgive. That is what you need to do is forgive. As for her still wanting to be with your children I would sit her down and tell her to her face
I forgive you for all the horrible things you have said to us growing up and I pity you for your limited outlook in life. Although I have forgiven you I will not tolerate that kind of language to my own children If you can't follow my rules than you can consider yourself grandchildess. I won't allow you to make my kids feel as bad about themselves as you made us feel growing up. I grantee that you will feel better about the whole situation. Stick to your guns..if she agrees then monitor the visits until you feel confidant that it won;t happen again. If she won't then look into some of the foster grandparent programs for your kids. I myself am a grandparent and I would NEVER say things like that to an Innocent child

Answer 3

Hate is a very strong word. But I believe in this situation it is appropriate. Any adult should know better to be so loose with their lip when it involves children. If I were you,in my opinion, I would keep them far away from her. Just look at how much affect it had on you. Do you want your children(BABIES) to feel this way growing up? We already know the answer to this dont we? Good luck to ya, and keep reminding your babies how special they are to you. That is all that really matters anyway. Right?

Answer 4

I havent spoken to my mother in a year because shes the same way. She mistreated my daughter who is 7 at a family gathering and I hate myself for not speaking up at the time, cause I didnt want to ruin the day for anyone, so I just left and vowed that I would never subject my daughter to that kind of treatment ever again and so I havent spoken to her since, she knows perfectly well why I dont call her anymore, But she plays dumb and tells everyone that she doesnt know what my problem is. But when you have a mother like that, its best to stay away FAR away. What your mother did was way wrong, and cuddos to you for confronting her about it, I wish I would of done that, now everytime i think about it, it pisses me off that I didnt speak up. But it is best to stay away from your mother.

Answer 5

It is okay for you to strongly disapprove of your mother's name-calling and certainly an good choice to keep your children away from a woman who will make the same poor choices towards her grandchildren. If your mother will use whatever language to whomever whenever I would suggest that she is independently uncontrollable in many areas and should probably not be left alone around your children.
Good luck.

Answer 6

Hate is a bad emotion to hold on to, and has made your mother who she is. So eventually you will have to learn, for your own sake, how to let go of this hate and forgive your mother for her cruelty and weakness.

However, that doesn't mean you should allow her to continue to poison your life and the lives of your children. You need to be firm with her and tell her that she must behave politely in your home and when visiting with your children. If she can't apologize for her rudeness and refrain from it in the future, then she forfeits her right to spend time with the children. You can essentially "disown" her in reverse, and simply not allow her in your home and can refuse to visit her or spend time with her. Show her that there are consequences to her actions.

You can encourage her to seek therapy or medical treatment for her abuse issues, but whether or not she does so is up to her. Shut her out of your life until she learns to behave, and seek therapy and healing for yourself and your children.

Answer 7

It is wrong to hate. At least that's what my faith teaches me.

The Bible says to honor your mother and father - What the Bible doesn't say is what to do when your mother and father are dishonorable. The only thing you can do is to avoid her - until she can apologize sincerely - and prove it by changing her attitude and habits.

It is wrong of your mother to be so awful - and worse, to think she can get away with it.

Sadly, all you can do is to shield your children from this abusive woman. And support them when they choose not to have anything to do with her.

When she demands to know why her grandchildren won't see her - tell her in a calm, matter-of-fact way that they have chosen of themselves not to have anything to do with abusive, mean, cruel people such as she. And you support their decision.

Perhaps one day she will realize how cold and lonely she is and apologize to you, your sister and your children.

IF that ever happens, please be gentle and forgive her.

But in the meantime, your job is to shield your children from such abusive people. Believe me, the world is cruel enough to have to tolerate it from a close relative.

Answer 8

Let go of the hate, but let go of her also. You'll see her at family events, but you don't have to interact with her more than the minimum. Your childrens instincts are right on, and they're keeping their distance. Your mom's insistance that she can call anyone anything she pleases is only going to leave her a very lonely woman. But as they say, she made her bed...

Answer 9

U are married with yr own kids. Now u have choice.U can askyr mother not to have contact with yr kids, nor to come to yr home.Even if she come, insult her and send her back. Avoid her in family functions too.She seems to be treated more worse in her childhood. and she might have produced u all unwillingly, as a by product of sex.

Answer 10

i feel that no one has the right to talk to anybody that way. if it were me i would say i would have to cut ties with my mother and not allow her into my or my childrens lives. as for hating her i think i would pity her more. children and grandchildren are a blessing. as the parent you are there to support and nurture your children, pity her for not knowing that.