How do you keep a family together?

Question

I come from a very stubborn family. My grandmother was the 'glue' that held us all together. She passed away a year and a half ago and my mom and cousin took it really hard. They got into a huge arguement and haven't talked since. We all did our own thing last Christmas. Since our family was never really super close in the first place, we all kind of gave up on each other. I refuse to see this happen.

I don't know how to get everyone together again for Christmas when everyone is still upset about my grandmothers passing and practically hate each other.

I can see that we all love each other deep down and we want to stay together as a family but no one cares enough to try and some are too stubborrn to show up if I try to be the ring leader in all this.

What do I do to keep my family together?

Answer 1

Write a letter that will go to each family member, where you talk talk about the importance of family, what your grandmother would have felt if she knew the family was splintered.

Talk about how important she was to each person in the family, and she was glue, and how people's hurt has caused them to feud and split up the family.

Just write out the whole thing about what's going on.

Than announce a Christmas gathering, inviting eveyone.

Everyone who isn't feuding will come.

Those who are feuding will have a choice of whether to come or not. If the feuding parties start "I'll only be there if X isn't." Just give your sad regrets that they feel that way, express your hope that they change their minds. Explain that you're not taking sides, but that we are all family.

Whoever does or doesn't come, have the gathering. Everyone there will have a good time.

Decide who will have the next gathering at this one.

Keep having family gatherings with whoever will show up; there's no reason to abandon the entire thing, just because of 2 pig-headed relatives.

Over time, they'll regret missing these good times, and will put their feud on hold, or even end it, to participate.

Whether they do or not, the people who aren't feuding can get together.

I guess your letter should say something about any problems between individuals being between just them, and that you hope no one else lets themselves be dragged into it.

Hmmm. Or maybe call and speak to each of the non-feuding parties, and get their buy in first, then invite the feuders, after you've gotten everyone else to agree on the "Sorry you won't be there; hope you change your mind; it's your decision, and mine is to go." line.

Answer 2

Try and get every one to attend a family gathering or even a Christmas get together, Try a BBQ 1st as it is casual and just let them mix and mingle then have a meeting and show them that they are dis respecting the grand mother by acting the way they are, get them to express their concerns or fears and sort out what the problems are. You won`t get them all but it takes 1 to start the ball rolling and so go for it and then as the ball picks up momentum the rest may realise how stupid they have been and your family could be saved . Start with the least stubborn and go from there.
As if you do nothing the family will drift wider and wider apart until there is no way to fix the problem

Answer 3

First of all, let me say how much I admire you for your determination to keep the family in a good relationship! There needs to be MORE of this these days! You are going to have a tough road, but I think it is very doable. You will have to be the diplomat. But..you have to very careful that you aren't seen as taking sides with ANYBODY! If you talk with members of your family, focus on the positives...how much fun it was being together at family gatherings...how much your grandmother loved seeing everybody together and having a good time, and that if she were still alive, the family would still be doing that! Ask them if the issues that are keeping them apart are worth one day when they stand in front of another casket and think of all the time they wasted being angry over nothing, and would it be worth it. Yeah, families have disagreements and some people can really be hard-headed about it. But you have to show them, with love, how important it is that they get past those things. They don't have to agree on everything...not everybody in every family does! They just have to agree that keeping the family together is bigger than the problems the perceive they are having with one another. If you look at like a mountain...your grandmother was at the peak and everybody fell below her. When she passed away, there were several NEW peaks that appeared. Each of these people have people under them. I have watched my bothers and sisters grow up, see grandparents pass away, see uncles and aunts become grandparents, see my brothers and sisters become parents, and then grandparents. Not meant to be funny, but it is part of the circle of life. (my apologies to The Lion King!) Maybe you could get just two of them together, with the idea of trying to work out their problems. Set some ground rules...like, there will be no yelling, no name-calling, and no dredging up things that happened years and years ago and have no relevance to what is going on now! Maybe you can find some common ground that way. But the main thing is to not give up! You have a very worthy goal in mind and you are to be commended!

Answer 4

You can't force people to celebrate their sense of family when there never was one in the first place.

Similar thing happened in my family, and i've accepted it.

Let people do what they want... you can't control or force family celebrations on anyone. Why make a miserable situation worse by forcing them together?

Perhaps one day, these same people will come to terms and have a relationship again. Time will tell.

Answer 5

Yeah you could try to bring everyone together kicking and screaming of course, but what a headache. I know you describe my family right down to grandma passing away. She held us together too. but after a few yrs of my sis and me trying to get people together we gave up and concentrated on our husbands and their family and now we have that closeness that we once had. Granted it's not your family but then again yes it is, and your children will have it too.

Answer 6

well its simple lady first you need to bring them together and tell them that grandma wouldnt want it this way she wanted every one together second tell them no agruing set some ground rules and 3rd tell them that this would make them and you plus your grandmother happy if yall where back together