Can anyone help me deal with the death of my grandma?

Question

I know my grandma is in heaven.

I was very close to me grandma. She helped raise me. Her and my mom had always lived together until my grandma had to go to a nursing home earlier this year because my mom couldn't take care of her anymore.

I was out of town when she died. I had major surgery on 10/19 and she died on 10/22. I was still in the hospital recovering. She was buried on the 24th and I didn't come home until the 26th. I missed it all, but I know she would have wanted me to
take care of myself.

I think it all hit me on Sunday. I cried all day and I can't seem to stop. My mom and husband have gone back to work and my kids have gone back to school and I'm stuck at home alone recovering.

All I do is think about my grandma and the fact that my mom more than anyone has lost such a huge part of her life. I feel so bad for my mom and I don't know how to make it better for her, myself or anyone else. I feel like the one thing that has always held us together is gone

Answer 1

I know how you feel..i lost my grandmother last year and I was very close to her cause she practically raised me and I lived with her for several years. I think the one thing that helped me most is that i knew she was in a MUCH better place. She was a christian so it was comforting to know that she was in heaven with my grandfather. I'll never forget i got a phone call last year when i was in college to come home and say goodbye. That was the hardest thing i have ever had to do... She decided to come home and not stay in the hosptial so she would be able to go in peace. All we could do was wait and be there and it's somthing burned in my memory. To this day I don't live there anymore when i come home to visit..it's just too hard still with all the memories and all. All i can say is that it takes time and it will hurt for a while but just know she is at peace and in a much better place. Just think if your a christian you will get to see her again! That is what makes me so happy when i think about my grandmother. God Bless!

Answer 2

I am so sorry that you have lost your grandma, but grieving is the best thing you can do. Now that you have written down your feelings it will help you to understand and accept more easily some of the misery. It won't be easy and go away overnight but don't be afraid to cry and just take one day at a time. Speak to your grandma, tell her exactly how you feel and you already know that she understands why you were not with her at the end. Actively allow yourself to mourn - never bottle it up - and while you are crying be aware that some of the misery is going out of your system. It is only when you are crying out of control that you need to stop and think.

Answer 3

I know it sounds wrong, but you have to stop thinking about her.

I know this sounds like a cold, unfeeling response, but probably nobody else is going to tell you the truth. They're simply going to placate you with lots of sentimental bullcrap about god, and heaven and all kind of other empty nonsense that won't do much more than help you temporarily deny your pain.

Clinically speaking, it's simply a matter of getting the neural patterns in your brain that trigger memories of your Grandmother to fire less and less. In other words, the less you think about her, the less it will hurt. This is why people say, "time heals all wounds." It's also why people drink alcohol, but that's a temporary fix.

Time causes the memory paths in our brains to "breakdown", and we eventually forget. Of course, the more networked a particular memory is, the less likely we are to be able to just dismiss it in totem, so chances are you will never forget the older memories of your Grandmother (which should be expected), but the more recent, intense memories of her death will be easier to forget if you don't dwell on them. As of right now, they are not anchored to many other experiences in your brain.

Go out and continue to live your life. Do what you did when your Grandmother was around, and in a few weeks you will be able to look at everything in a more rational way. You may still be sad, but you will be able to see that death is just a natural part of life, and life goes on. Your Grandmother's contributions live on in you, and all the other people whose lives she touched, and nothing can change that.

Answer 4

You go ahead and cry it all out.
After that know that your Grandma lives on in your Mom, you, and your kids.
Love them all because eventually we all will pass and be gone.
Life is like a never ending march, babies are born, grow up and watch the babies being born that replace them as they get old and then are no more. Maybe it would help you to start a scrapbook of your Grandmothers life that follows your Mother and you along with your father and husband into your children's lives.

Answer 5

Your grandmother was able to live a full and satisfying life. Be glad for that life and celebrate it. Everyone dies. We should always be grateful for what we got, not upset that we didn't get more. Your grandma would want your family to continue enjoying the life you have while you still have it.

Answer 6

I once read in a fantasy novel that the way they deal with a person dieing is to have a party with the body in the room.

not to be sad about thier death, but to remind them, and everyone to celebrate the deceased's life.

to remember that they had a good life and the cheer that they felt during that life.

short short version- honor them by celebrating the life they lived every day and the times you shared, don't dwell on thier death.

Answer 7

Take your time and don't let anyone insist that you get over it. Rely on your family and friends for support. Give yourself the time to grieve but don't allow the grief to consume you. Try to get back to a semi-normal schedule relatively soon and try to dedicate some positive actions in her memory.

It's a process that is very unique to every individual. But it does get better over time.

My mother passed in July, 2006. I think of her every day...and sometimes cry a little. But most of the time, my memories of her only bring smiles.

Be strong....especially for your mother....she needs your support now more than ever.

Answer 8

Do you know Jesus personally? It is very hard to loose a loved one. Jesus felt the same feeling, he knows the pain. The only way you can get through it is with God's help. Pray for the Lord Jesus Christ to give you strength to endure the hurt and lost you feel. Jesus will give you strength and comfort. Try reading his word, you might be surprised at the answers in his word. I will be praying for you, that the Lord will help you get through this and be able to go on. God Bless.

Answer 9

LIFE is eternal so your Grandmother is still with you. You say she is in Heaven, well Jesus said,"The Kingdom of Heaven is within." Sometimes circumstance seems to be against us yet you only missed the ugly part of her death- the funeral. Try talking to her and be "STILL" and see if you don't feel her and get an answer from her. Death is only a mis-understanding of LIFE. Peace be with you!

Answer 10

I guess I look at it differently.
With all the wondrous things He did, the most wondrous of all was that Jesus was willing to die for me, and for all others who believed. His death grants eternal life to all believers.
And I think of how it was not until He died that the Spirit of GD could enter us. I think iin terms of all human beings in the same way. They touch our hearts, teach lessons that reach our heads, inspire us, protect us, heal us, retrieve us if we are feeling lost, but they cannot enter us, truly enter us, until, like Jesus Himself, they are beyond the world of the flesh.
If I continue to believe, one day I will be where they are, I will be in a Spirit form, as well, and I would want the opportunity to be able to inspire others--especially my son, my wife, my family---from within instead of from the outside.
Until; Jesus came, GD only spoke to mankind from the OUTSIDE. It took special men, the prophets, to be able to have Him enter them. The people turned to these special men-men like Moses, Joshua, the prophets like Isaiah, Jeremaiah, the kings like David and Solomon, because they knew they were special.
Jesus made us all special....all of us able to be the greatest because we were all to be His brides--male, female, young, old, etc.

He walked BESIDE us, teaching us what He had said to us from the OUTSIDE, so it could enter INSIDE of us.

Your grandma could not get into your heart, she could only touch you and teach you. But, if you are a Believer, and especially if she was, then, I believe, her Spirit can now enter yours because it is not bounded by her flesh. She can see life from inside you, and help you see it from how she would want you to be happy, it seems.
When you see your kids, if you feel Grandma is inside, then enjoy them and let her enjoy them with you, and if you lose others, know their spirit can also be insife you, guiding you, loving you, being with you in ways nobody can be when they are in
flesh form.
One day, all spirits will be reunited, in the most incredible place of all. Til then, I have learned, I will hold those who left before my time to go, will be here with me....Spirits have no form, so therefore they do not have to worry about how much room they take, so I can have any spirit that wants to be with me accompany my journey through life.
Grandma is in a better place, because she is not of the pain she may have been in when she was in the nursing home. Truly believe that the life after this is a better place, and as happy as Grandma might have been for you to be happy, be happy knowing she is doing what she did in our earthyl form, coming somewhere first so she can make it comfortable for you when you get to that place, or your mom, or others.
It is not a fantasy to believe that way--it's faith. It's in the Scripture, and if it is in your heart and your head, it can be a firm foundation on which to continue building a life it sounds like your grandmother wanted for her kids and grandkids. Hope that helps.