Ive been with him for 18 months, things went downhill rapidly after my Dad passed away 4 months ago.( It opened my eyes to the important things in life if nothing else!)
Since then, he's been really controlling and jealous of every thing I do, to the point of verbally abusing me.
Ive always had lots of completely platonic male friends (having no mother figure and a really great and strong father has made it easier for me to get along with men) and none of my ex boyfriends ever had a problem with it.
I dont flirt, I dont go out clubbing every other night wearing next to nothing, and spend 99% of my free time with my boyfriend.
I work hard at my job and earn twice as much as my boyfriend, but I have never made a problem out of it.
He is eastern european (im British) so is it a cultural thing? Im getting sick of being told who I can and can't hang around with, and no matter how much I try to explain he just wont listen!!
2007-10-30 04:41:02 · 22 answers · asked by sofie b 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It could be cultural but from what you have said it also sounds as if he is insecure. It is standard behaviour for insecurity to show itself in someone being controlling and manipulative. You have a lot of friends and you earn more than him, that is enough to trigger insecurity in many men. You have also probably matured a lot since the loss of your father (so sorry about that x) and he could be finding that hard to cope with.
To be honest you really sound as if you deserve much better.
2007-10-30 06:07:22 · answer #1 · answered by susie03 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a guy that isnt fun to be with and you need to move on. You are a successful woman and you can do it on your own> There are great men out there that will treat you with the respect you deserve you just need to get out and find the right person for you. Verbal abuse is one of the worst abuses there is. You deserve to be treated good and the only way you are going to get that respect is if you get out of this relationship before it gets any further.
2007-10-30 05:11:27 · answer #2 · answered by jenniferk5683 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. Nobody needs to stay with someone who is jealous of you. He knows that you are seeing the bigger picture, and he knows that he is nothing. This makes him scared and feeling that he needs to tell you what to do so your mind set doesn't change. Also, because you make more money than him, be might be feeling a little like he can't keep you down. As a women, it's not normal for us to make more than our significant others, but because society is changing, we are in some cases making more. This could be bothering him, because where he is from the men always make more, or maybe he is just a controlling *** hole like most guys. Either way, it sounds to me like he's not worth it. You sounds like you have your feet on the ground career wise. There are plenty of fish in the sea... drop the *** hole, he's not worth your time, effort, or feelings. Good Luck!
2007-10-30 04:49:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't waste anymore time on him. If he's like that now he will always be, at least take a break for a bit and test the water, you'll probably find you much prefer being with someone who treats you right (verbal abuse is just wrong, whatever his excuse). I don't believe in trying to make relationships work when they are so fundamentally wrong
2007-10-30 04:46:36 · answer #4 · answered by Alex E 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is both. and probably one you might want to make an ex for being so ridiculous about who you are talking to, or not talking to, whatever the case might be. if he gets this upset over his friend, imagine what would happen if you ever talked to someone he didn't really know. part of being in a relationship is letting each other lead lives seperate from the relationship. those lives include talking to others of both sexes. if you can't talk to someone, he has taken away your freedom. and that has nothing to do with a good relationship.
2016-05-26 02:23:18 · answer #5 · answered by helga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont dump him. At least try to work things out first. It could be culural - i know first hand that Eastern Europeans are very chauvanistic, so he may be threatened that you work more than him. But more likely, hes probably scared of losing you. Tell him that he has nothing to fear, stop being possessive and if he doesnt do that, then tell him its over. Dont just abandon him before trying to solve it - that makes you the bad guy, not him!
2007-10-30 05:06:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Scince you're not married and don't have any kids, and you said he didn't say he is physcially abusive, so it isn't like you are scared for your life or your kids...that being said
Someone who doesn't want to be controlled..won't be.
So now you know your boyfriend is a control freak, he has issues, we all do, this just happens to be his. You tried talking to him about it but he won't listen so what do you do?
Leave him, duh! If he isn't listening and trying to make it better when you talk to him then it isn't going to work. If you don't like the way he treats you then don't be with him.
2007-10-30 04:46:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel and its very frustrating, I went from having lots of friends and going out on a weekend to being married to a very possesive man and i'm only 23. My grandad found out he had a few months left to live at the start of the year and my husband was possesive before this but has made my life hell since my grandad died (he was like my father). I was dealing with being heavily pregnant and he was accusing me or going behind his back, I was dealing with my grandad, my family, my pregnancy, my 2 year old, all the chores, work, and never went out, he still continues. If I don't have my sons with me I'm up to something. Even though he does what he wants and goes where he likes. I've been out like 4 times in nearly 5 years. Last week he threatened to stab me, and tried to make me quit work. Last night i came home from work, shopping, picking the children up and taking them for new coats, he started said where had i been for 3 hours, said he wanted his tea now and I said he'd have to wait till i bathed the kids, there was hell on. He calls me the worst names that i'm not, tells me I'm a bad mother when I'm barely parted from my kids, I'm a bad wife when all I do is chores. So he went out and three this morning came in, I blocked the door in the bedroom and was forced to call the police because he threatened to burn the house down. I am fed up hes insecure self absorbed and now today hes textiing me saying hes gona hang himself, even though his friend says hes seen him and hes fine. I don't know what advice to give you, I've put up with this for so long and when my grandad died he realised it changed me and i wasn't going to be a doormat, walk away thats what i'm trying to do. I know its hell and its hard when you love someone, but if you have no children it will be easier for you. I know you will be thinking you want to be with him but why is he making life so difficult, get out before he starts using his hands like my husband does. Did you prefer your life before, follow your heart. I hope it works out
2007-10-30 04:58:56 · answer #8 · answered by ♥Linz 2Boys Due A Girl 23/07/10♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's possible for some persons to supress their "true" nature. In order for anyone to know why your boy friend is controlling, his own background is as important, probably more, than yours. Your father's passing might have been the catalyst for your boy friend losing control of himself.
2007-10-30 04:48:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think is trying to take the place of your dad or maybe he has asked you to marry but you said no. so hes wondering why. if not the case you are still your own person . you are already concerned about this so stand up now before it gets to bad.
2007-10-30 04:49:09 · answer #10 · answered by Lee Ann C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋