Supporting Parents?

Question

What are people's thoughts on financially supporting parents? I was lucky enough to go to college and become financially independent. I lived better than my parents, and tried to help them out from time to time. My mom got cancer and as a result I supported them even more. I ended up being a full time caregiver to her for 6 months. Now that she is passed on I find myself finacially reeling from the ordeal. Only it get's worse. Now that my dad has only a SS check and no savings whatsoever, I pay all his bills and loans. I am going into serious debt trying to do what I think is right. But is it? My dad can't claim bankruptcy because they already did once. Now I am just bitter at life in general and partly wishing I had just ran away from it all.

Answer 1

Sorry to hear about your loss of your mother. My heart goes out to you.
Stop and think they had carried you through life for 18 years and I’m pretty sure they had gone into debt while raising their family. We just don’t know because our parents never talked to us about their financial situation.
Guess your father is on SS what is he spending his income on. Is he using that to help with his bills. He could file for bankruptcy. Check to see when the last time was when he filed and see an attorney. Check for other program with the state to see if he can get help. If he owns his home then go to the courthouse and talk with them about property taxes. People on SS are in titled to a big deduction on it. (my friend’s mom paid $1600 a year and she now pays under $200 a year) Talk with his family doctor if his medicines cost to where they can’t afford the doctor can hand out samples of medicines they are currently taking. This should give you enough time to find a better prescription plan. Check with the doctor, pharmacy, human services they can point you in the right direction.

My neighbors were in there 80’s their son bought the house they lived over 30 years ago. He paid their property taxes every year. He paid the lights, gas, water, garbage, and he bought and paid for their cell phones/ bill. So his parent’s could afford their medicines, and pay on medical bills. He bought them a reliable car to get back and forth to the doctors, stocked them up with groceries, and even gave them $$ for a vacation once a year.
They recently passed away. While going through all their belongings he had found a life insurance policy and a letter from his parents. He had tears in his eyes reading this letter. His parent’s rented a car and wore costumes. Their vacation was right across the street from his home at the park. His parents watched the entire family playing outside until sunset. Being there meant more to his parents than any place in this world. So now when they start their vacation the first stop is across the street at the park.

You have a big, caring, loving heart. Help your father out wile he’s still around. Believe me in the end you will be rewarded. Even if its just precious memories.

Answer 2

Hi
You are going through a really rough patch at the moment. The worry about your debt plus you are in breavement for you mother, and the worry about your Dad - it's a lot!

But, I really believe that we are given different challenges in life and how we treat them builds our strength.

Now, if you take a step back from your situation, you would most likely advise anyone else to go and get help immediately, so take that advice. Contact the debt agencies and take control before it gets any worse.

Once you have taken the step to move out of the situation you are in right now, you will be amazed how other doors will open to you.

Anyway, credit to you for all the kindness you have shown to your family - now you have to show some to yourself. Believe me when you look back in a couple of years, when your finances are in order again, you will be glad of what you have done for your mother and father. You'll never live with regrets.

Wishing you success

Answer 3

You selfish child, As a parent you have no idea how much it cost to raise let alone send a child to school ,Even if you put your self though school believe me it cost your parents.I have two boys in college and a week descent go by that they don't need something ,from books to paper or meds.Your dad can file if its been 6 or 7 years .look into it. My dad had a stroke and i took care of him until i couldn't and then he had to have nursing care in a home, That was hard . As an adult you do what you can ,when you can,the best that you can.for as long as you can and hope that if you have kids they will do for you when you cant. That's life the way it was supposed to be and the way it is. May god bless you and your dad. Love and care for him wile you can.

Answer 4

Ouch, I think it's wonderful that you have helped them out so much. I don't think it's right that you are going into such debt now to do so but I really don't know what other options you would have other then stopping. Is there any other family that could help? What about a retirement facility for him? Is he a vet that could get finacial help from being in the service? Does he know you're going into debt by helping him out? Maybe if he did he would find a way to bring in extra income or help for you.

Answer 5

If your father only receives social security, why does he have loans for heaven sake?

You have overdone it with your parents, and i had to learn the hard way, too. I took care of mom when she was ill for about a year, and after she died, it seemed my retirement and all my savings were gone. I was very distressed. It's been six years and i'm just now getting out from under the ordeal.

You need to have a chat with your dad about his finances, and see what can be done so he can live more independently and on the income he receives... even if he has to move.

take care of YOU.

Answer 6

If your parents are the kind who are addicted to spending money like it was water and expected you to support their stupid habits then you would have a good reason to be upset. However, health issues are another matter. In the US, medical bills can bankrupt someone overnight.

I would insist that both you and your dad get a thorough physical checkup too - including a psychological exam - look for drastic changes in his habits (used to be thrifty - now spends the moon) as that can indicate depression or other illnesses that can be treated with therapy and medication. Hey, he lost his wife and just lost your mom, for heaven's sake, to a seriously dreaded and awful illness.

Then both of you speak with a financial counselor so you can get your monthly bills back on track.

Good luck. You did the right thing

Answer 7

Your allowed to claim bankruptsy more than once!

I'd love to have my kids help me out now and then, but they don't. They didn't ask to be born and then expect to care for me. It was my job to care for them. I did the best I could, but I surely don't feel it's their place to care for me now.

Don't allow your father to make any more loans. Make him try and adjust to the things he really needs to survive on his SSD. If he owns the home he's in, make him sell it and put him in in a low income apartment.

No sense in you being in debt because your a loving son. Time to tell dad you just can't do it any longer. He'll qualify for low income. I live in one. It's pretty nice too.
Good luck, good son!

Answer 8

ok