Am i evil i have been told i am evil?

Question

I'm 20 years old and have a job and love working.
My now ex bloke wanted a baby with me and i said no i have no intension of ever having a baby,maybe in years to come my views may change but right here right now i do not want kids.
I love my body and do not want to spoil it and right now i have no room in my life for a child i want to live a little and work.

So he told me to think again or it was over,
So i told him to get stuffed no one threatens me like that it was over.
He now sends me email saying how evil and cold i am because i put my job first and i should get pregnant the feeling of being a mother will change when i have one growing in me but i am evil not to even give it ago.
I replyed with the fact we have been together 3 months and how the hell is that long enough to know we will be together for ever i hardly know him and i have never told him i love him.

SO the question is in light of the above facts am i evil?

i think not but my sisters agree with him and say i am evil

Answer 1

No, you sound intelligent to me. Don't have children until you are ready to with someone who appreciates you and doesn't treat you like this guy.

Answer 2

Hon, listen to your BRAIN! You do not have room in your life for a child, and stick with that.

Having a baby does change things -- it puts quite a lot more responsibility on a person. It takes money, effort, time and patience. Having a baby means you have to give up a lot of things, too.

You're not evil, you are using your head.

You don't need that boyfriend.. he is a control freak and lives in some fantasy world. He wishes for a baby, but he isn't looking at reality. Why would he want you to have a baby now, when it's the furthest thing from your mind?

I can think of a couple reasons -- he might want to tie you down so no one else can have you, so having a baby will probably keep you around.... and he thinks having a baby will solve all your problems...

Little does he know, having a baby can be cause for a lot more problems. He isn't thinking straight, and neither are your sisters.

You are twenty years old, so live a little. Don't do something you will regret.... and the guy? He's not worth the effort.

Answer 3

You seem very emotional and angry (probably with good reason), but your reasoning is solid logic. You are not ready for a child and you may never want one. It defies logic to say that somebody who doesn't want a child should have one.
Furthermore, it is quite true that after 3 months you don't know the bloke well enough to even consider having a commitment or a child with him.
And frankly, I'm worried about a bloke that has such intense possessiveness, especially so early. I'm concerned that he could become dangerous. I suggest that you break off all contact as quickly and as gently as you can manage. Tell him he could be right, but you just don't have it in you to be a mother; but that you are sure he'll find somebody much better. Tell him you are getting back together with a former boyfriend that you have never been able to forget. This may help soothe his ego, if he thinks you were already in love with somebody else. But don't tell him you have a new boyfriend. He sounds like the crazy jealous type. If he gets worse instead of better, you may have to move away for your own safety.
I don't care what kind of personality you have, maybe you are cold and selfish, that doesn't mean you have to get involved with a bloke like this.

Answer 4

No, you are not evil. HE, on the other hand, is a bit of a stalker! If I had a guy at 20 and he had threatened me with that after only three months of being together (!!!) I would have ran a mile as well! How could he give you that ultimatum? You cannot know someone after three months, no matter how sugar coated it is, three months is not a long time. You had a lucky escape, if you ask me! Imagine if you had agreed to it and then had the baby and he changed beyond recognition? Glad to know there are some young people out there with brains and sense. I totally understand why you ran a mile, I would have too! You are right, this is your life and you may as well enjoy it whilst you are young!

Answer 5

I dont think your evil at all. You are only young and have your whole life ahead of you. Even if you decide never to have children that doesnt make you evil, in fact you are being very responsible and you should be admiring for standing your ground and not being pressured into making what could have been the biggest mistake of your life.
Even if you had wanted a child, only being with your partner 3 months is far too soon to decide you want to be connected with that person forever.
I think your ex should stay away from as you can obviously do a hell of a lot better, you should ignore your sisters comments as they are totally out of order and its none of their business and you should carry on enjoying your life being the mature and responsible person you are!

Answer 6

You're not evil at all, relationships can be about compromise a lot of the time but you are in no way wrong for wanting to prioritise different things in your life and the guy had no right to force his beliefs on you in the threatening way that he did.

There may come a day when you feel differently and would like to become a mother but that decision is for you and your then partner to decide as a couple not for you to be pressurised into.

Your not evil at all. Live your life how you want to.

Answer 7

'Evil' is a word that has many subjective uses and perspectives attached to it.

My basic answer to your question is 'No,' you are not evil ~ going on the reasoning you've here. You could / may well be evil in other ways, but then so could your ex and your sister too.

To have a child 'just to satisfy one other person is NOT a good enough reason for getting yourself into that situation: where a Mother will apply pressure on their offspring by going on about their 'Wanting to be a Grandmother.'

Do not live your life in order to live up to the expectations of others ....nor make the same mistake in expecting the same from others either.

Sash.

Answer 8

Your sister is wrong! According to what you have written, it seems to me that you are not aware of the meaning of the word evil. You cannot be called by no one, that you are evil, as long as he is so irresponsible, that he wants a baby with you after only 3 months of going out together!
You are 20, and it is natural to focus on things you are interested in. I would call you evil, if you give birth to a baby, without wanting it, and not taking care of the baby at all!
Wait until you feel like you are ready!

Answer 9

Stick to your guns! First 3 months is NOT long enough - you are correct!.
Second do your self a favour and wait - enjoy your 20s - then slow down and have a baby, or don't - we have several friends who decided not to - too many people in this world already - if you like you could always adopt. Ours was born when my Wife (who I had dated and lived with for almost 10 years)was 37 and I was 34. Workrd for us.
Third - DON'T take threats - if he was totally into you - he wouldn't threaten. Sounds like a bully.
PS if thats really u in the pic - move on - you won't have any worries.

Answer 10

No you are not evil! That's ridiculous. He sounds like he was trying to trap you in a relationship to me. At 20 years old I think you have the right to do what you enjoy for a while, work and have your own money. I am the same as you really, I don't want children now. I couldn't look after them properly, I can just about look after myself. I think you are being sensible. Maybe you'll change your mind when you find someone who really cares for you and you care about and are stable together etc. maybe you won't. Only you can decide and anyone who judges you like that isn't worth the trouble. Good on you for standing up for yourself!

Answer 11

I think you are a strong, independent young woman. That is great, not evil. There are still a lot of people in the world who only think of women in terms of mothers.

And I agree, 3 months is not long enough to know someone enough to make a commitment, especially about having children. Good for you for doing what is right for you!!