I'm really shy around girls?

Question

I'm 19, never had a girlfriend (much less kissed a girl) and whenever I'm around a girl I'm interested in I get this really self-conscious feeling, clam up, and become really nervous. Does anybody have any ideas as to what I could do to help with my confidence. It's really tough because whenever I like a girl I'm way too shy to take any sort of initiative, my fear takes over at the sight of any opportunities and gets me running in the other direction (not literally). The frustrating part is that this prevents me from even progressing enough to even ask a girl out, or often times I avoid them and these situations totally. Please, any advice, I'm sick and tired of my love life being held hostage by my fear.

Thanks to all who responded helpfully. I should add, however, that (I'm not trying to be pompous) I am at the least, considered physically attractive, although I'm afraid that appearance may not shine through as much perhaps because of my timidity and lack of confidence regarding this issue. As far as joining a gym, and learning to dance, I'm already a competitive athlete and a DJ (who can dance decently, hahaha). I have been rejected once in the past and it stung me, horribly. My mistake was that I had taken the relatinship (read "friendship") too seriously and kind began to fall in love. I know not to do that prematurely now, but yes, I feel a fear of rejection may be a part of it. Everyone tells me I have every reason to be confident, but in my eyes (erroneously so, I am subconsciously aware) I just get the feeling as if I am somehow not worthy of the girl, no matter who it is, and that they are looking at me as if I am pathetic for having tried to hit on them.

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Answer 1

That's tough as I lost a guy for fear of getting hurt.

Ask yourself: what do you currently have to lose from asking them out? Try to make friends with girls, doesn't matter what you say to start convo but make friends and flirt a little (this could simply be looking into their eyes). Once you have done this you can then ask them out or flirt more until you feel more confident. Keep paying them attention. Girls like getting attention and I warm to people who pay me attention - it's a compliment to them.

Don't get down on yourself as you are still very young!! There are plenty of guys who have never had girlfriends who are much older.

You can only become more confident by pushing yourself outside of comfort zone. Be sure of what you have to offer, you are an intelligent, caring young guy.

Remember, everyone gets rejected but as they say in Chile (apparently and in Spanish) "if you don't cross the river, you will never reach the other side"

Answer 2

You don't respect yourself, that is the 1st step. You have to like yourself, before you can build your confidence.
2nd key word Fear. What are you afraid of? rejection? The word No? Your not the only one. Everyone has fear, the one that comes around the most is the word NO. The funny part about that word, it won't kill you, you won't break your leg. It won't cuss you out. It's a word. Do a small test, on a paper, write the question
What are you afraid of?
Then start going around, asking people this question, write their answer down. Do this to about 50 people, then look at your results. you'll find mainly when with Adults the biggest one will be rejection the word NO.
Your not going to find a GF, if you don't stand up to the plate and start talking.
If you worried about your appearance Why? It's your body for life. Why would you care, as long as your heart is truthful, and honest. People will look at what is in you, not what is outside.
Your going to get a lot of NO's before the big Yes comes along, so you might as well practice in a mirror, get comfortable with yourself, and go for it. Your not going to get bit, or attacked. (Unless you hit on some other guys girl).
Good Luck

Answer 3

About the advice telling you to learn to dance and get into shape, those are good ideas, but alot of guys who do those things are insecure and end up worse than before because they develop a false confidence over superficial things (like dancing and muscles), if you're that like that then fine .... I kinda used to be like but not so bad I didn't have a girl until 19, here's the thing...start hanging out with girls... not as potential gf's but just as friends , once you start to see girl's faults and that they AREN'T princesses or any better than you, you'll drop the timidness

Answer 4

First of all you need to act like you are confident. Try it out on someone you really don't care if they like you or not. Like a girl who is a friend. Just be confident and act like you are the most gorgeous guy in the room. Even if you don't feel like it. It will get easier with time. Do not act over confident.That will backfire. And once you get up enough courage ask a group of friends to go out. Include the girl you like. Sit by her and show a little interest. Do not cling. You need to take it slow. It will eventually get easier and better for you. Also do not go for someone out of your league till you are a pro. you will be intimidated and it will not work. Just don't be to critical on yourself and HAVE FUN!!! Don't worry too much and it will come.

Answer 5

Every guy gets nervous around women that he finds attractive and doesn't know. It's some kind of instinctual tribal thing.

There are all sorts of systems out there which will tell you all sorts of things on how to pickup women.

But they all boil down to the fact that you're just going to have to tough out your feelings and actually talk to them. The more women you talk to the more likely you are to find the right one for you. Force yourself to take the jump. The worst thing that can happen is they turn you down and you end up alone (which is the situation you're already in).

What you might want to consider is just spending some time talking to women you don't find quite as attractive and work up to the hotter ones. That way the first few times you screw it up (and you will) it won't be as important to you.

Answer 6

You are only 19. Remember, girls are human too. We get nervous around guys and chances are that the girl you want to approach is just as nervous as you are. Ask her out, if she says yes, make it a group date the first time. That way you have more to talk about and won't feel so self conscious. Keep trying. Just because one person says no doesn't mean you have failed. Good luck!

Answer 7

I wouldn't be too concerned at 19, you have lots of time. Maybe you could try taking a course where you have to interact with girls. Maybe a cooking class or a dance class. It will be less stressful since you are all doing the same thing. You will definitely have something in common to talk about.

Answer 8

Your not afraid of women your afraid of rejection...I know it is easier said than done, but don't worry about it...I can take a guess that you are a pleaser personality...you want to make every one around you happy, and make sure that everyone likes you and gets along...It is nice to be that way, but you will kill yourself trying to make everyone happy...not everyone is going to like you, but you never know who will like you until you get to know them....so just go for it you are going to get rejected you are going to get hurt, but the fun you will have along the way will be so worth all of that....next time you are with a girl that intrests you just walk up to her and hand her a business card/or a piece of paper with your phone number on it and say call me or if you can't talk just write it on the paper...talking the on the phone at first is always easier than in person...and if she doesn't call you then find another girl and keep it up until one calls you...she will not think it is strange or stalkerish because you are giving her the option and in most cases she will be flattered becuase you think she is something....GOOD LUCK!!!!

Answer 9

I'm sorry you have this situation. I'm also 19 and have never dated or kissed a guy. I'm a little bit shy as well. You just have to practice what to say before hand. Go ahead and talk right away when you know what to say or else you will wait too long and will have talked yourself out of it. Sorry but you have to make yourself talk to someone. It just takes confidence, time, and practice. Hope that helps. Best wishes! :-)

Answer 10

Learn to dance (take lessons)

Join a gym

in fact ... do ANYTHING that is an activity - preferably one that involves you interacting with guys and girls - and over some time you will get a bit more practice at this sort of interaction.

Besides which, it'll give you something to talk ABOUT