Hi,
Any sugestions on how to politely and tactfully approach the the subject of paying for your own dresses & shoes with my bridesmaids? I know that this is basically the done thing, and although I am getting them made as inexpensively as possible I feel kinda stingy!!
If money wasn't an issue i'd buy them myself, but you know how it is.. :os
I feel awful asking them since they are doing ME the honer of being my 'attendants'!
(and PS Is it customary for the groomsmen to pay for their own suit hire?)
2007-10-29 16:33:35 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Thank you JenAg, I didn't even think about hair!!
I will pay for their Hair Styles, and I plan to buy them each a necklace with pendant for a thank you gift..
2007-10-29 17:05:06 · update #1
To Luv2Answer:
Because none of them have been bridesmaids before, and I think it would be a bad idea to just assume that they know incase we all get a nasty surprise.
2007-10-30 15:06:51 · update #2
To Tonypera:
Believe me.. Even though we live in Austrlaia, runing off to Vegas has deffinately come up!! lol
2007-10-30 15:08:29 · update #3
I just got married two weeks ago. I felt the same way as you. They are doing me this incredible honor and I am making them pay. That totally sucked. BUT ultimately they are my friends so they knew everything I was going threw. They already understood that I was in a money crisis b/c of the wedding and they were the ones that took initiative to asked me how much are the dresses and when should they be giving the money. I love them so much! :)
Honestly, when I asked all my bridesmaids to BE bridesmaides I warned them ahead of time that including costs of the bridal shower, hair, makeup, accessories, dress, & shoes it can be expensive. I told them I'll try as hard as I can to keep costs down BUT if spending more then $200-300 is a problem then please let me know ahead of time. I gave them options of working payments out or of being an usher/usherette instead of a bridesmaid---(of course with no hard feelings & still loving them profusely.) Tt will get harder for someone to bow out as you get closer to the wedding date. It better to give them options.
Honestly, If you are going with a bridal shop they will automatically ask the bridesmaides directly for the payments on the dresses. So that saves you from asking.
If you are going with a private seamstress like I did. I just shot out a mass email to the ladies with the costs. I gave the seamstress everyone's names, emails and ph #'s. I found out the cost of everything ahead of time and I made it clear to all of the girls that if there is a problem PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I was planning for a full year so it gave them a year to save up and/or make payments. I spoke to them individually and I gave more time to whomever had a harder time paying the full amount. In the end it all worked out beautifully!
& Yes, groommen usually pay for thier rented tuxedos
CONGRATS, GOOD LUCK & GOD BLESS! :)
2007-10-29 17:03:56 · answer #1 · answered by simply_the_lady 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's customary for both bridesmaids and groomsmen to pay for the clothes they will be wearing in the wedding. One way to get around the guilt, is to tell your bridesmaids what color dress to buy and let them each buy their own. This had become a very common and very acceptable thing to do. That way each bridesmaid can choose a dress that she might wear again and they can each choose a style that flatters them. So much better than having a bunch of different body types trying to wear the same dress.
2007-10-29 16:56:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'd agree - make sure you have a clear understanding of what they're willing to spend. If you don't offer to pay, I'm sure they'll understand that they have to buy their own dresses and accessories.
Another thing to consider, though, is maybe paying for half of their attire. This is what we are doing. Instead of buying some trinkets for bridesmaids or groomsmen gifts that will just end up in a drawer somewhere, we're paying for half of the girls dresses and buying the ties for the guys (they just have to buy dress shirts).
But if you're budget doesn't allow for this, don't worry...most people understand the costs involved with being in a bridal party, but just make sure you're all on the same page!
2007-10-29 16:56:18 · answer #3 · answered by Muhnkee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i was the maid of honor for one of my friend's weddings, and she made the bridesmaids, including myself, pay for all our own stuff: dress, shoes, hair, etc. And it wasn't a problem for me to pay for my own things, but the bride picked out pricey items, without considering the fact that we all had to pay for it ourselves.
It's good that your taking into consideration the prices and how quickly the money adds up, so that is a good thing, and your bridesmaids will be very greatful, trust me.
But maybe you might think about buying each of them a gift for them "doing you the honor" as you said. Maybe a matching necklace for all of them to wear on your big day, of bracelets or something like that. That way the girls know that even though you asked them to pay for their own things, you were still thinking about them and wanted them to know how thankful you are for them.
I hope that helped :)
2007-10-29 16:52:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is most usual (USA) for both bride's and groom's attendants to pay for their own clothing. Why don't you ask each bridesmaid about how much she is prepared to spend for a dress? Right now, before anyone spends any money on anything, you and your BMs need to come to agreement on what BMs are expected to do, to buy -- a detailed agreement that estimates how many hours or dollars are involved. Half the "Wedding Drama" questions here describe either a bride who is upset because of something BMs didn't do or buy OR BMs who are surprised and upset to learn that the bride expects them to do or buy something.
2007-10-29 16:45:47 · answer #5 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
current custom is for the attendants to have to pay for the privilege of being in the bridal party. but at least you sound like you are being reasonable and trying to keep the cost down. suggestion: don't force them to have their hair and makeup done at a salon if they can do it themselves. that will save them some money.
as for discussing it with them, take them out for lunch - you pay for lunch - and bring it up then, tell them that you have tried to keep the costs down and how much you appreciate their being in your party. perhaps you could tell them that you don't expect them to put out money having bridal showers for you since they have to pay for their own gear for the wedding. that would save them a great deal of money! there are many ways you can make this up to them and come off looking pretty good with your trying to be a good bride! and the young lady above me who suggests you pay something towards the gowns - great idea - instead of buying them little costume jewellery things!
sadly yes generally the men are made to pay for their gear as well. so perhaps the groom could pay for part of their gear rental as well!
have a wonderful wedding and a very happy life! good luck sweetie!
2007-10-29 17:02:05 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you're feeling. I don't know what your budget looks like, but are you planning on paying for them to get their hair done or for their jewelry.. anything like that? If so, you could say "If you can pay for the dress, I'll pay for ____", and that kinda shows them that you DO care and appreciate that they are buying their own dresses. :) In my own experience, the guys have paid for their own tuxes/suits. Good luck, and have fun planning! :)
2007-10-29 16:43:01 · answer #7 · answered by JenAg06 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is customary and expected that they will pay for it themselves so I'm not sure why you need to bring anything up.
2007-10-30 01:51:16 · answer #8 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont do it 2 much money or better yet go 2 vages
2007-10-29 19:17:10 · answer #9 · answered by tonyperalta43 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋