Am I wrong to hold this against my brother?

Question

For as long as we've been alive, my brother is the impatient, hot-headed one that doesn't know the worth of a dollar. I, on the other hand, am the calm, patient and wise one.

He acts before he thinks. I think before I act.

Anyways, he's always disrespected everyone. He believes he is, if not higher, at least equal to everyone. My father fought with him because of this and now they're not father and son anymore. My brother talks often to my mother about him not being able to care less if my father dies or not.

He just doesn't respect anyone. Even when he's mad at my mom, he will yell at her as loud as he can. Can you believe that crap? I'm not saying it happens often, but when it does, yeah. I feel one day I will snap and end up fighting him just like my father did.

So anyways, to the point. During the summer, my cousin died. We slept over at our aunt and uncle's place. Went to her memorial and funeral. Now, this is what really ticked me off. At the memorial, while everyone was crying and such, he was actually mad. Mad because he was bored. Like, what the ****. I told him to show some respect to his dead cousin but he just shrugged it off. When my mom came to sit down beside me, I had to move over to the chair beside my bro but the thing is he was sitting on one of his legs so his knee was poking out at me. I nudged at it three times, and then he pushed me like if he wanted to start a fight. From that point, I haven't said a single word to him.

I feel like a single child now and it sucks, but I'm totally disgusted with what he did.

Your opinion?

He is sixteen and I am eighteen.

Answer 1

I have some pretty unbearable family myself and I definitely don’t think you’re wrong to hold it against him.

But I think you should know that holding things like this against him will only make things worse. From my experience I can say that holding things against your family doesn’t solve anything. I’m sure your common-sense says so too.

However wrong it is for your brother to act the way he does, he’s still your brother. You will still be family unfortunately 'cutting' family out isn't as easy as it sounds.

My dad and my relationship isn’t so stellar either. As much as I hate it, and whether or not I would cut out my tongue than say it, I still miss seeing my father and I still love him. Weird as it is no matter how hard you try to hate someone that connected in your in life you still have that stubborn streak of unconditional love.

More than likely your brother is hurting. He probably expresses these feeling as rage and comes off as cocky and arrogant. He was probably feeling this at the funeral as well, maybe acting self-conceited is his way of hiding it.

Trust me, I know, irritating as hell, isn’t it? It seems incurable too doesn't it? I hope for your sake he'll get over it with time. From what you say he sounds a lot like my dad and maybe me too.

My dad and I we don’t speak at all, we haven’t in years. Sometimes I feel like throwing fits and yelling and not caring too. People like your brother or my dad they don’t have the control we have. They have different outlets and it is wrong, not to mention incredibly immature.

If you were to do away with him too, then he would only have one more thing to be angry for. It’s hard to blame for you for wanting to hold things against him. I would definitely give a standing ovation for you if you didn’t.

Tough as it is to be the ‘mature’ one, it’s a moral obligation as the big-brother with shrewdness. Sucks being the older one, doesn’t it? Try not to get yourself feeling too childish though, from the sounds of it your brother is being childish enough for the two of you.

Best of luck with the fam.

Answer 2

Your brother sounds like an arrogant, stubborn, self-centered brat. You on the other hand say that you pretty much do have it together. Your brother sounds as if he could use some professional help. (you do not state his age.) If he is a minor, than it is your parents responsiblity to see that he gets this help. There could be an underlying problem such as A.D.D. bi-polar or something similar. I can only imagine how much this must disrupt your family and the heartache it must cause your parents. Your mother under no circumstances should allow him to speak to her with ANY disrespect. If he continues than he would have to leave the home or seek professional help. It must be a very sad situation for your dad to have had either a physical/verbal altercation with him. In any case authorities could have been called. His behavior at his cousins funeral is almost unforgivable. He should have been asked to leave. His challenging you by his childish actions of nudging you in the leg only shows how immature he is. If you or your parents cannot reach him through conversation and concern than let him leave the home. If he is on his own, then let him no on no uncertain terms that if his behavior and disrespect continues, he will not be welcomed until there is a change. Pray that the Lord will give him a new heart, that the Holy Spirit will convict him of his wrongdoings. Also, pray for strength for you and your parents especially your dad. I will pray for you all also. Gods Blessings!

Answer 3

Your parents may want to consider taking him to a psychologist over his rage and respect issues. No, actually they NEED to take him to a psychologist. This is not a good sign. If he can't respect his own mom and dad, how will he ever be able to lead a good and honest life? He will likely end up dead or in jail if he's not careful. He could even end up harming someone. Maybe even your parents or you.

This is something they need to get looked at. If he has mood swings this dramatic, this is something that is serious. This is not normal. There are medications and treatments for things such as these. If he can't see the worth of a human life then that is an even better reason to take him. It doesn't matter what the cost is. There are programs for needy families for things like this in every country. If they are worried that he may get upset, well think of it this way: "He can cry now or they can cry later."

Getting into fights with him is not the answer. If anything it will fuel his rage and alienate him further from your family. In a perverse way he *likes* it when he is hit or beaten. It give him a reason to think that you are all evil and mistreating him. It makes him think that his anger is validated.

Answer 4

Be the better person and stay the way you are. Obviously your brother has problems and could use some help. Usually people who act like this do it because they want attention , even if it's negative attention and lack self esteem. That's is a shame that your father and brother don't have a relationship anymore, but your Dad shouldn't have let it get out of hand. He is the Dad and the adult. It's better to try to talk calmly and leave the "door open" for conversation. If your brother yells or doesn't treat you like a decent person, then just walk away without saying a word. I wonder what your Mom could do, as you say he talks to her? Your Mother shouldn't take his crap either. I don't know why your Mom didn't stick together on issues dealing with your brother and his behavior. It is unacceptable but remember that your brother seems to need some control over his life and gets that by abusing others. I don't know all the dynamics of your family situation, but I would try to talk to your Mom when he isn't around. Don't place blame...........just ask how you can help and if she has any ideas. Your father was wrong to fight with him. I don't know but maybe your Mom is afraid of him or was afraid of your Dad. Talk honestly and calmly . You need to talk to someone before you become like your brother and even your Dad. Try your Mom and if you get nowhere, try a teacher, a close relative or adult friend and a counselor. Don't become your brother PLEASE.

Answer 5

He's a 16 year old boy! His hormones are racing and his dad doesn't like him. I would be mad at the world too! Your mom shouldn't let him talk to her that way though.

Try to be mature and understanding. When he acts this way, it's because he is sad inside. Show your unconditional love for him as a sister and one day he'll learn from these mistakes. Be the example who teaches him how to stop avoiding his emotions through flippant behavior. Teach him how to find his inner peace, because he's struggling right now. Teach him self respect, so he can then respect others.

As for the funeral, we all have our ways of expressing emotions. He was probably really upset about your cousin and isn't the type to cry, so he just wanted to get out of the place. I can't blame him, I hate funerals too.

Answer 6

Yes forgiving is Davine and it shows who is more mature he is 16 and rebellious that's a norm for most teens not all but most. Your mom is the only one who can stop his disrespect by taking him no where and not buying stuff for him if he wants clothes and wants to eat then he must earn it by getting a job and put money in the house this will make him mature and it gives him something to do besides sitting around it will change his whole out look on things basically your mom needs to charge for every thing and let him know if he is going to act in that manner then he will pay for his actions he is 16 and can be put out of the house.

Answer 7

Try to just judge him based upon his relationship with you. You have no option but to accept him as he is. I know its hard not to be judgmental but it can be done.

I have a sister who doesn't speak to some members of the family half the time. The only thing I say to her is that I wish she would and I leave it at that.

She once didn't speak to me for 4 yrs & when she finally did we just moved on w/o discussing the 4 yrs. So we're friends until the next time.

Answer 8

Well, you seem like the level headed one that got all the brains. Your brother definitely has anger issues. I don't know his age, but as he gets older if he doesn't get help he will probably do something dumb because of his temper and end up in jail or something. Talk to your Dad and Mom and see if they can get him some counseling before it gets any worse.

Answer 9

in order to respect others you first need to respect yourself..maybe your brother is putting up a front because he is afraid that who he truly is wont be accepted! Just try to get to know him better. As for the hating your father part of the question i highly doubt that your brother hates your dad, or wants him to die, maybe he is just trying to be tough to prove that he can be strong on his own...my best advise would be to just talk to him as often as possible and try to get to know him for more than just his hard core tough guy front!

Answer 10

So your the oldest? talk to him he needs a dose of tough love he doesn't understand respect or grieving the dead seems like it. your parents need to put their foot down and give him a stern talking too. one day he is going to mess with the wrong person and end up hurt if not worst.