I am going to WA for my brothers wedding in a couple of weeks. I have had no relationship with my dad for 15 years due to choices he made when he met his new wife. They have two children which I have never met (only had a few dealings with them when they were babies) in which one of them is going to the wedding as well (she is now 18). I have four children of my own which my dad has obviously not met and I am not quite sure how to deal with all this. It is only me going over for the wedding and I made the decision to go knowing both my mum and dad will be there. Just interested in peoples views on this and if you think it is wrong if I just treat him more as an aquantence rather then my dad.
2007-10-27 16:52:46 · 12 answers · asked by tneishat 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I had a similar thing with my dad many years ago,we had not spoken and my Nana (his mum) died and at the funeral,I was polite, we didn't discuss anything from the past we both gave the respect that the day was about saying goodbye to my Nana.
Don't stress it too much,walk in with your head held high,be polite,keep it simple,its your brothers day,enjoy it.
Only you can judge on how to treat him as you will be the one in the situation (not us), If he wants to talk,fine,but if he wants a confrontation, AVOID that at all costs
As for your dad, (after the initial first contact at the wedding)
he may want to contact you again at a later date If there are things to be said and done that will be the time to do it,not at the wedding.
Good luck and have a great time,
BTW my dad and I sorted our issues out a couple of years later and I am glad we did,as he passed away within 5 years I got my dad back and my daughter got a grandfather.
2007-10-27 17:20:59 · answer #1 · answered by Didy 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
We all make choices in life, some good, some that let us down for the people we really are. Obviously there can be no sort of confrontation as the celebration is about your brother and his wife to be. I would imagine that your dad would want to have a conversation with you. It is up to you how you handle this. His will never just be an acquaintance, blood is thicker than water no matter how hard we think otherwise. What if! This could be a door way, just waiting for you to walk through and for him to meet his grandchildren?. I suppose it depends of what residual of anger is left over within you all. We can all give you advice. Truth is you are an intelligent person who will know what to do on the day. Have a wonderful time :-)
2007-10-27 19:28:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
With Respect
Have You ever sat down with Him and listened to his side
When all this happened You were still a Young Girl of 18years There may have been stuff he felt He couldn't tell You at that age
You are a grown woman now Why don't You contact Him before the wedding and offer a meet
Show Him Your not a little Girl [To Dad's we never grow up]anymore and are being mature about it all
Are You feeling You are being disloyal to Your Mum ?
Have a chat with Her too There may be things She couldn't tell You for one reason or another at that age
Yes Life is too short
Hope this can help You
Good Luck To You
2007-10-29 06:52:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you can be polite and say hello. If he wants to improve the relationship then that is your choice what to do from there. The 18 year old is your half-sister and had nothing to do with any of this, so there is nothing wrong with getting to know her better if you want to.
That is just my opinion, but I am coming from the point of view where all family members get along, so I have no experience with this. Both of my parents have died, and while we may have had some occasional disagreements or arguments, I could never imagine not speaking to them, or my brother.
2007-10-27 17:23:03 · answer #4 · answered by Alan S 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't need to tell you its your brothers day and when he invited you all he did not expect for you to from not talking to becoming happy families right away maybe he hopes you can work it out and the wedding is the start of that! Be Polite if he wants to talk about the past politely say not now and arrange a time to sort it out holding on to all this pain is not good for you and your kids sake if you can try and work it out do so if not then move on!
As for your sister she had nothing to do with this and may try and talk to you and get to know you!
If you wanted to take a photo of your kids just in case you want to show them what they look like!
Good luck and God Bless
2007-10-27 20:24:47 · answer #5 · answered by Sazzy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give Your Old Dad A Kiss And A Hug Life Is to Short
2007-10-28 10:54:12 · answer #6 · answered by Human Being Human 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't sound like he's been much of a dad to you--it takes more than donating a sperm cell to be a father, and you're not discharged from your job as a father when you divorce the mother of your children, and then marry someone else. I see nothing wrong with treating him more like an aquaintance--that's what he is. I would be polite, there's not a reason to be rude to him, but you don't have to be all happy to see him either. Just be polite and nice, and have a good time at your brother's wedding!
2007-10-27 16:59:17 · answer #7 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 2⤊ 3⤋
I would not worry about it. You are going for your brother and it is his day (and his brides). Say hello if you pass but considering he made the decisions, then you owe him nothing more. Treat him like an acquaintance. Say hello and move on.
2007-10-27 17:51:46 · answer #8 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Let him approach you. Remain calm and civi, of course because it's your brother's wedding. You don't have to go out of your way to be overly nice. He is not really more than acquaintence so no need to gush when you see him, unless you want to.
It'll be okay.
2007-10-27 20:29:12 · answer #9 · answered by Asked and Answered 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You are right to keep the relationship as an acquaintance. He has not been like a father. It would be awkward if you tried to force it. Just be cordial. You can avoid touchy subjects and keep it light, if need be.
2007-10-27 17:02:05 · answer #10 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 3⤊ 3⤋