Crazy moms?

Question

I've been a stay at home mom for about a year and a half now - for the first three years of my daughter's life our finances couldn't be settled on only one income. Anyway, since I've been home, I've had a hard time meeting other moms who are mentally stable. They seem to be a little nuts. Anyone else have this experience? I love my children and I love spending time with them - what's with all the "I refuse to clean or put on make up" attitudes and the gossipy/catty stuff? Where can I meet moms who are just nice, normal people?

Just want to clarify - I don't mean anyone's else should be spotless and their hair always curled, I just mean why do I always hear things like "I refuse to mop. It's only going to get dirty again" (of COURSE it is, but would you refuse to shower for the same reason?) and the moms who say it's too much effort to run a comb through their hair or look in the mirror before leaving the house.

Yes! C - THANK YOU! That's what I mean - it seems to be one extreme or the other. What's up with that?

And I don't mean as a bad day, I mean as a rule.

Kit - Since this is called Yahoo ANSWERS, please refrain from participating if you aren't going to actually read the QUESTION.

Answer 1

Maggie,
I am a stay at home of 3.
I have always been a sahm.. Although I am a little wacky sometimes.. I do understand what you mean. I have had several friends the same way.
They are never happy and constantly complain about housework and other things.
While that is their perogative, I do not like to be around such cynical and whining people.
I do however like to have friends that I can talk to about things that I know they are going through also.
So, maybe we have just come across overly bitching Moms..
Or maybe we just need to understand that if they are complaing to us, that they might just feel we are their friend and need someone to talk to that might feel the same way.

I dont know. just my thoughts..
Great Question BTW

xxooo
Stace

Answer 2

Oh, I agree with you too! I've been a SAHM for a long time. I have two degrees and had a great career before having a child, and found it hard to meet anyone with any semblance of intelligence, let alone other moms just to have casual conversations with! The amount of schooling one has doesn't equate to being smart - that's not what I mean - but one must be able to speak coherently and discuss things!
There are regular moms and women out there - it's a matter of putting yourself out in the community - get involved with your church, take a class, do some volunteer work... if your husband is willing to give you some free time.
The gossipy-catty stuff -- I just find that more women in general are just into this and, yes, since I'm not one, I don't have much of a stomach for it either.
About personal grooming - that's simply a matter of having respect for one's self - if you look good, you feel good. That may not mean full-on makeup and dress clothes, but if one dresses shleppy, one tends to feel that way!
Good luck finding friends - I do know it can be hard. But in the meantime, just be the best mom and wife you can be!

Answer 3

I'm a grandmother with 2 adult daughters and 3 grandchildren so I have learned a little over tie.Your children will remember how you spent your time with them, the days you were busy with them building future memories and not even knowing it.As long as these women are good,loving parents what diffrence should it make to others. Just curious when you are talking about these women on here, are you gossiping or giving an opinion.I like to think your children being loved is more important than my hairdo.Somedays I thought I could pull it out LOL.You meet nice people everyday but you have to just accept them, warts and all. Most communities have parent and tots groups where mothers and their pre schooolers get together.Perhaps you could also start up an informal gathering of mothers whom you know and just get together, share ideas and relax a bit (whatever that is)By the way, what is a "normal "person.We all think we're "normal "too!

Answer 4

Okay, so your actual question was where you can meet nice normal moms, even though that doesn't seem to be what most people are focusing on. And in the spirit of practical advice and not just ranting, I'll recommend meetup.com. It's a pretty good site and I've been able to join a moms group on there and meet some really great people. I've also had luck with storytime at the library. Good luck, I know it isn't easy to meet other moms you click with!

Answer 5

I'm so sorry you have not met any "normal moms." I had the same issue in my area until I keyed into a local Attachment Parenting group. Most of the moms in my area have full-time nannies and/or cleaning women (and I'm referring to STAY AT HOME moms!).

My hubby and I make tremendous sacrifices for me to be home with our children. My youngest is 3 1/2, and my oldest in in Kindergarten, but through a charter school with a rigorous cirriculum where he goes to school 2 days a week and I homeschool him 3 days a week. I am VERY busy.

My home is far from perfect, but I do my best. I do not look like a supermodel (when was the last time I had a chance to get a haircut???), but I do my best.

Look for a mom's group in your area that is focused on the needs of the children, not the moms. There are goups that put a TON of energy into organizing "Moms' Night Out" (which is not an unnecessary thing, BTW), and groups that put a ton of energy into organizing family activities. Look for the later. "Mom's Club" is a wonderful organization, but in my area, it seems to focus more on the needs of the (spoiled rotten, plastic surgery obsessed) moms than the kiddos.

I live in an area (Orange County, California) where many women seem to think that simply by existitng, they have the right to a maid and a full-time nanny. For the most part, thier kids are seriously screwed up. If you are a stay-at-home mom and do it well, you have a full time job managing your children, your home, and keeping yourself reasonably attractive. Actually, it is more than a full-time job. That is what being a wife and mother entails.

Bravo to you for realizing what is involved in being a mother, a wife, and a homemaker. I'm sure I'll get TONS of "thumbs-downs" for my comments. That's OK by me. I have some bread rising in the kitchen that I need to punch down :) .

Answer 6

I'm a mother of a 2 year old, and I can see how it's easy to fall into that category (the dissheveled mom with a messy house). Luckily, I refused to stay in my pj's all day long. Of course I wasn't the best housekeeper, but I tried to look presentable. That worked for me and got me out of the baby blues. I'm not sure why some mom's are like that. I guess they just feel defeated by the demands of being a stay-at-home mommy.

Answer 7

Normal is crazy, when you really break it down! Some moms can afford to, or may have the fortitude to look better parenting, but we all have our moments of insanity. They are supposed to be growth spurts. Try not to judge them. Instead focus on whats good about them. A lot of times its poor management, maybe extra curricular activities that zap more of that precious personal energy that seems to be at a premium the more children you have. Moms overall have to come into motherhood, its a process.

Answer 8

I know what you mean, but all it is is that they do things differently then you. Right now I'm dealing with a similair situation with my neighbor. I just joined an online group of moms and it's pretty neat. They seem all together. It's for all moms. Maybe you should join? www.mayasmom.com Check it out. My user name is sarahjane by the way! Hope to see you there.

Answer 9

I get what you mean, if they are home all day, while kids and hubby are gone or if just one or two kids are home, how hard is it to still make sure you are looking well. Really you should because it helps your confidence, sets a good example for the kids and your hub can come home to a pretty woman and not feel like shes done nothing but sit and watch tv while hes worked. They have some time to clean so why not get it done right, what else do they have to do but run errands and clean and watch tv. I couldnt just sit around forever.
The reason they are so chatty is cuz they dont do ne thing all day but also because they dont have any adult maybe to really socialize all day with. and if they look trashy their hubs prob arent as interested no offence but everyone likes to have a pretty spouse lol. So hub aint given them attention and they are goin crazy and just need someone to talk too.

No matter what i have to have like a part time job or school to keep me from not goin nuts lol.

Answer 10

Finding nice woman in general can be hard. Then finding a woman who is happy with the kids she has and has a special person in their life along with the energy to still care about her looks and not gossip. I'd start getting to a gym or nutrition club of some sort. These woman will have more energy and care about how they look. Then I'd find some woman in clubs that share similar interest to you. Book clubs, pottery clubs, or charity groups. You'll find healthy energetic woman who care about their looks, their families, and woman who have actual hobbies besides counting the number of baby foods in the cupboard and reading entertainment magazines well in the check-out line.